smoking and usage

s0ad05 · #1 (**permalink**) 08-03-2004, 06:22 AM

A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, "Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this Parrot?"
The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."
"Holy crap," the guy replies. "You actually understood and answered me!"
"I got every word," says the parrot. "I happen to be a highly intelligent, thoroughly educated bird."
"Oh yeah?" the guy asks, "Then answer this -- how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?"
"Well," the parrot says, "this is very embarrassing but since you asked, I wrap my weenie around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers."
"Wow," says the guy. "You really can understand and speak English can't you?"
"Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology. You really ought to buy me. I'd be a great companion."
The guy looks at the $200 price tag. "Sorry, but I just can't afford that."
"Pssssssst," says the parrot, "I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for $20, just make the guy an offer!"
The guy offers $20 and walks out with the parrot. Weeks go by. The parrot issensational. He has a great sense of humor, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful. The guy is delighted.
One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot goes, "psssssssssssst," and motions him over with one wing. "I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and the postman."
"What are you talking about?" asks the guy.
"When the postman delivered the mail today, your wife greeted him at the door in a sheer black nightie and kissed him passionately."
"WHAT???" the guy asks incredulously. "THEN what happened?"
"Well, then the postman came into the house and lifted up her nightie and began petting her all over," reported the parrot.
"Oh No!," he exclaims. "Then what?"
"Then he lifted up the nightie, got down on his knees and began to kiss her all over, starting with her breasts and slowly going down...."
"WELL," demands the frantic guy, "THEN WHAT HAPPENED?"
"Damned if I know. I got a hard-on and fell off my perch!"

IceCreamKidd · #2 (**permalink**) 08-03-2004, 08:54 PM

Funny, Im always up for a good parrot witha hardon joke.

tehandydumke · #3 (**permalink**) 08-04-2004, 01:26 AM

lol i wish i had a parrot like that shit

jimihendrix8574 · #4 (**permalink**) 08-05-2004, 02:49 AM

HAHA nice one, that was funny as hell

crestonchic08 · #5 (**permalink**) 08-17-2004, 09:46 PM

lol hahahahahahahahaha

chiefdubleblunt · #6 (**permalink**) 08-19-2004, 03:10 AM

haha.........that was a good joke........

stoned_soldier · #7 (**permalink**) 09-22-2004, 09:04 PM

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL..

again!! encore!!

grass roots · #8 (**permalink**) 09-23-2004, 12:22 AM

that would be a good one to tell if it was maybe 100 lines shorter

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#1 (permalink) 08-03-2004, 06:22 AM
s0ad05 Burn One Down Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Chicago Posts: 843	Odd little Parrot.... A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, "Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this Parrot?" The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot." "Holy crap," the guy replies. "You actually understood and answered me!" "I got every word," says the parrot. "I happen to be a highly intelligent, thoroughly educated bird." "Oh yeah?" the guy asks, "Then answer this -- how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?" "Well," the parrot says, "this is very embarrassing but since you asked, I wrap my weenie around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers." "Wow," says the guy. "You really can understand and speak English can't you?" "Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology. You really ought to buy me. I'd be a great companion." The guy looks at the $200 price tag. "Sorry, but I just can't afford that." "Pssssssst," says the parrot, "I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for $20, just make the guy an offer!" The guy offers $20 and walks out with the parrot. Weeks go by. The parrot issensational. He has a great sense of humor, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful. The guy is delighted. One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot goes, "psssssssssssst," and motions him over with one wing. "I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and the postman." "What are you talking about?" asks the guy. "When the postman delivered the mail today, your wife greeted him at the door in a sheer black nightie and kissed him passionately." "WHAT???" the guy asks incredulously. "THEN what happened?" "Well, then the postman came into the house and lifted up her nightie and began petting her all over," reported the parrot. "Oh No!," he exclaims. "Then what?" "Then he lifted up the nightie, got down on his knees and began to kiss her all over, starting with her breasts and slowly going down...." "WELL," demands the frantic guy, "THEN WHAT HAPPENED?" "Damned if I know. I got a hard-on and fell off my perch!" __________________ Signature removed for violation of the signature rules.

#2 (permalink) 08-03-2004, 08:54 PM
IceCreamKidd poke smot Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: o0o Posts: 3,189	Funny, Im always up for a good parrot witha hardon joke. __________________ o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

#3 (permalink) 08-04-2004, 01:26 AM
tehandydumke trose as fuck Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: socal Posts: 321	lol i wish i had a parrot like that shit __________________ I use the force cause I am Jedi

#4 (permalink) 08-05-2004, 02:49 AM
jimihendrix8574 Registered User Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: CO Posts: 66	HAHA nice one, that was funny as hell

#5 (permalink) 08-17-2004, 09:46 PM
crestonchic08 Registered User Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: in my mind...ooh, and indiana Posts: 484	lol hahahahahahahahaha __________________ "Emancipate yourself from mental slavery none but yourself can free your mind..." -Bob Marley WHICH BUD IS FOR YOU?

#6 (permalink) 08-19-2004, 03:10 AM
chiefdubleblunt The Chief Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: negril Posts: 1,159	haha.........that was a good joke........ __________________ "Excuse me while I light my spliff, oh god i got to take a lift, from reality i just cant drift, thats why im stayin' with this riff" .. Bob Who da fuck?

#7 (permalink) 09-22-2004, 09:04 PM
stoned_soldier BOOGA BOOGA!! jaywalker Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: T..O.. Posts: 3,180	LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL.. again!! encore!! __________________ "And don't criticize what you can't understand." - Bob Dylan "I am what I am." - Popeye http://kristos.150m.com http://www.soundclick.com/preachercreature www.myspace.com/preachercreaturegta www.myspace.com/bonsaiforestry

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