Voodoo dick

[superjoint]

Bob is planning on going on an extended buisness trip, and fearing his rather sexual wife may cheat on him, goes to a sex shop to buy her a dildo to tide her over untill he returns.


Walking into a small shop with a back-alley entrance he is surrounded by all sorts of bazzare sexual contraptions, along with the regular fare of rubber dicks and vibrators.


"I need somthing really spectatular" , he says to the clerk


"All our items are spectacular!", is the clerks rather smug reply


"Naww..", Bob says rather annoyed, "I wan't somthing that will really knock my wifes socks off!"


The clerk walks into the back room and after a few minutes emerges with a long wooden box. He gently places the box on the counter, and with a slight creek, opens the box exposing a rather large wooden penis.


"What's so fuckin special about that?", Bob asks, seeming rather gruffly.


The clerk looks at Bob with a blank stare, snaps his fingers and says, "Voodoo Dick. Door."


The wooden penis begins to shudder, and magically rises from the box and like a rocket, shoots thru the air and slams into the door of the shop. With the force of a 1,000 man army the wooden cock pounds on the door, untill it is reduced to a pile of splinters.


"Voodoo dick. Return", says the clerk calmly.


Instantly the wooden cock is returned to its resting place in its wooden box.


Bob has found his perfect replacement while he's out of town.


Later that evening Bob recounts the incredible events he had witnessed at the sex shop with his wife over dinner, and presents her with the wooden box. And the next morning he leaves for his trip.


Well about 6 hours go by and Bob's wife is horny as fuck. She's warn 3 dildows down to nubs, and used every cucumber in the fridge. Unsatisfied, she sits down naked in the living room, and eagerly awaits the arrival of the Mailman.


While laying there, she happens to catch a glimpse of the Wooden box Bob gave her the night before. In an effert to pass the time, she opens the box slowly, and says, "Voodoo Dick, my pussy."


Just as Bob had described, Voodoo dick rose from the wooden box and began slamming her like she had never experienced. Orgasam after orgasam she laid there wrything in extacy.. Voodoo dick knew no exhaustion. After 4 solid hours, she just couldnt take it any more, but her husband had neglected to tell her how to make it stop!


She tried everything.. pliers, coat hangers, plungers, but it was to no avail: Voodoo dick kept on poundin' away with no end in sight.


In desperation, she reached for her robe, and staggered to her car in the driveway, Voodoo dick still pumping away. Summoning all her physical powers and consentration she managed to put the car in reverse.. but was suddenly struck with a thunderous orgasam.. her foot slammed onto the gas pedal and with tires squealing she sped backward out into the driveway and right into a passing Police Car.


Her body jerking now with every thrust, her body in near shock, she was unable to move as the policeman walked up to the drivers side window, looking rather angry.


"What the fuck is wrong with you?", he asked.


In between groans and pants, she slowly tells the officer the story of Voodoo dick, and how she came to be in this perdiciment.


Now, looking even more agitated than before the policeman says simply, "Voodoo dick my ass!"

[Bud Head]

Hahahaha I bet he never said that again!!!! LMAO

[Little Wing]

hahahah.
Now that is a quality joke.

[hippie john]

LMMFGDAO!!!

[hippie john]

bitch, my forum