Fave jokes

[BubbleFunker]

Thanks for the laughs and giggles. Keep up the posts!
Please enjoy my fave clip of Judy Tenuta:


http://myspacetv.com/index.cfm?fusea...ideoid=9067170

[WGPower]

How do you make a baby drink??

put it in a blender

Sorry this next one is long but good.


A gir l is sitting at the bar alone and a slightly drunk man walks up to her and says: "Can I buy you a drink?"
She replies: "No thanks, my b/f is in the back shooting pool and wouldn't like that"
So the guy sits down the bar from her. A few minutes later he approaches her again:
"Can I give you a kiss then?" he asks
Annoyed the woman says "No!! I already told you to leave me alone, next time I'm getting my b/f!"
The guy apoligizes and returns to his seat
About 2 minutes late he approaches the woman again.
"You know what I really want to do?" He asks the woman
"What" She says.
"I'd really like to pour beer in your snatch and drink it out." He says
"Oh my god!" Replies the woman.
"That's it I'm telling my b/f right now and hes gonna kick your ass for saying that."
She storms off to the backroom to tell her b/f.

"Some guy is trying to buy me drinks and won't leave me alone" She tells him.
The b/f starts taking off his jacket and rolling up his sleeves.
"He also said he wanted to kiss me" She tell him
"I'll take care of him" says the b/f
"He also said he wanted to pour beer in my snatch and drink it out!"
"Oh" Says the b/f as he puts his jacket back on.
"Well aren't you gonna go beat him up?" She asks.
"I'm not fucking with a guy that can drink that much beer!!" He replies.

[BubbleFunker]

Never ask a hippy for the time,. . . .unless you have the time for their answer. . .

It's a sick world, and I'm a happy gal! Woo-hoooooo!

[motorheed]

little april was asleep in her class.
the teacher decided to try & catch her out & asks "tell me april,who created the universe?",when april did'nt stir her friend little johnny jabbed her in the back with a pen, "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted april.
a little later the teacher again tries to catch her out & asks her "who is the saviour?",johnny again prods her with his pen & april shouts "JESUS CHRIST".
now the teacher was determined to catch her asleep & asks "what did eve say to adam after she had their 23rd child?" johnny again comes to the rescue & jabs april,who screams "IF YOU STICK THAT FUCKING THING IN ME ONCE MORE,I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF & SHOVE IT RIGHT UP YOUR ARSE!!!"............the teacher fainted.

[BubbleFunker]

Good one.

[*mooturkeycow*]

i don't get it... shot that far?

[DirtyPete]

Originally Posted by *mooturkeycow*

i don't get it... shot that far?

He spewed his love butter from one end of the bar onto his wife at the other end.

He "came onto her".



...


semen.

[*mooturkeycow*]

oh!!! i get it now. thanks! lol. i feel dumb

[SkunkApe]

A biker walks into a bar with his ol' lady. They sit at the bar and order two beers.
The biker goes to take a piss.
While he's gone, some drunk walks up to his ol' lady and says, "I'd like to flip you upside down, fill your cunt full of rum, and drink it all out". Then walks away.
When the biker comes back from the mens room, his ol' lady points out the guy saying, "See that guy over there? He just came over here and said he'd like to flip me upside down, fill my cunt with rum, and drink it all out."
The biker just sits there and does nothing.
His ol' lady says, "Ain't you gonna go over there and kick his ass?"
The biker says, "Shit no! If he's bad enough to drink that much rum, I ain't fucking with him!"

[SkunkApe]

A women gets up one morning and goes in the kitchen to make coffee.
She sees a gorilla up in the tree in her back yard eating mango's.
She calls the local zoo, and the zoo keeper says that's a very expensive gorilla that escaped last night. He'll be right over to pick it up.
The women is on her front porch drinking coffee when the zoo keeper arrives.
He's in a pick up truck with a big steel cage in the back. He jumps out with a shotgun in hand, and a big pit bull follows him.
The women says, "You aren't gonna shoot that poor gorilla are you?"
The zoo keeper says, "No lady, I told you thats an expensive animal. I'm gonna climb up in the tree and scare him down. When he jumps down, the pitbull will bite him on the balls so hard he'll pass out from the pain. Then I'll drag him to the truck and throw him in the cage.
The women says. "Well what's the shotgun for then?"
The zoo keeper hands her the shotgun and says, "Here bitch, if I fall out of the tree first I want you to shoot that fuckin' dog!"

[SkunkApe]

A guy walks into a bar with a big bull frog in his hands, sits down next to the best looking lady in the bar, orders a beer, and sets the frog on the bar.
The lady says, "Whats the deal with the frog?"
He replies,"Lady, this is a special frog, I taught him to eat pussy better than any man alive!"
The lady is intrigued, so they go back to her place so she can try the frog out.
She gets naked, lays down in bed, and the guy puts the frog between her legs. Nothing happens.
The lady says, "I thought you said this frog could eat pussy better than any man alive!?"
The man picks up the frog, looks at it and says, "Ok stupid, I'm gonna show you ONE MORE TIME!".

[BubbleFunker]

Originally Posted by *mooturkeycow*

i don't get it... shot that far?

His cum, he didn't know he could shoot it that far. . .

[Smokin*Buddah]

Originally Posted by scoobydooby67

how many elephants can you fit inside a volkswagen?


duh, two in the front, two in the back.



how do you know if an elephant's been in your refrigerator?


there's tracks on the pie.



how do you know if two elephants have been in your refrigerator?


all the chocolate milk is gone.



how do you know if three elephants have been in your refrigerator?


there's no more dr. thunder.



how do you know if four elephants have been in your refrigerator?




















theres a volkswagen parked out front.

HAhahaa, I almost gave up on that one.... hilarious.

[motorheed]

3 guys & a lady sitting at the bar talking about their professions.
first guy says "im a Y.U.P.P.I.E..you know..Young,Urban,Professinal,Peaceful,Intelligent ,Ecologist."
the 2nd guy says "i'm a R.U.B.,,you know...,Rich,Urban,Biker."
3rd guy says "i'm a D.I.N.K.,you know...Double Income,No Kids."
they turn to the woman & ask her,"what are you?"
she replies;i'm a W.I.F.E.,you know... Wash,Iron,Fuck,Etc..




husband says to his wife "we should wash your nickers in slim fast it might make your arse look thinner"
next day putting on his pants,he notices they're covered in powder. "have you put talc in my pants babe"..."NO" she replies,"fuckin miracle grow"

[motorheed]

what does a dwarf get if he runs through a womens legs???

A clit across the ear,A flap across the face,& a crack on the head!...




A woman goes into homebase & buys a mirror.
the assistant asks "do you want a screw for that?"
the woman says "no,but i'll suck your cock for a lawnmower!"



A boxer successfully returns to the ring after losing both legs in a landmine accident.
His pro record now stands at 10 wins without deFEET.............