How to fuck with a telemarketer

[mushroomsatsuji]

One thing that has always bugged me, and I'm sure it does most of you, is to sit down at the dinner table only to be interrupted by a phone call from a telemarketer.
I decided, on one such occasion, to try to be as irritating as they were to me. The call was from AT&T and it went something like this:
Me: (swallowing) Hello
AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T...
Me: Is this AT&T?
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T...
Me: This is AT&T?
AT&T: Yes This is AT&T...
Me: Is this AT&T?
AT&T: YES! This is AT&T, may I speak to Mr. Byron please?
Me: May I ask who is calling?
AT&T: This is AT&T.
Me: OK, hold on.
At this point I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes thinking that, surely, this person would have hung up the phone. I ate my salad. Much to my surprise, when I picked up the receiver, they were still waiting.
Me: Hello?
AT&T: Is this Mr. Byron?
Me: May I ask who is calling please?
AT&T: Yes this is AT&T...
Me: Is this AT&T?
AT&T: Yes this is AT&T...
Me: This is AT&T?
AT&T: Yes, is this Mr. Byron?
Me: Yes, is this AT&T?
AT&T: Yes sir.
Me: The phone company?
AT&T: Yes sir.
Me: I thought you said this was AT&T.
AT&T: Yes sir, we are a phone company.
Me: I already have a phone.
AT&T: We aren't selling phones today Mr. Byron.
Me: Well whatever it is, I'm really not interested but thanks for calling.
When you are not interested in something, I don't think you can express yourself any plainer than by saying "I'm really not interested," but this lady was persistent.
AT&T: Mr. Byron, we would like to offer you 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. Now, I am sure she meant she was offering a "rate" of 10 cents a minute, but she at no time used the word "rate." I could clearly see that it was time to whip out the trusty old calculator and do a little ciphering.
Me: Now, that's 10 cents a minute 24 hours a day?
AT&T: (getting a little excited at this point by my interest) Yes sir, that's right! 24 hours a day!
Me: 7 days a week?
AT&T: That's right.
Me: 365 days a year?
AT&T: Yes sir.
Me: I am definitely interested in that! Wow!!! That's amazing!
AT&T: We think so!
Me: That's quite a sum of money!
AT&T: Yes sir, it's amazing how it adds up.
Me: OK, so will you send me checks weekly, monthly or just one big one at the end of the year for the full $52,560, and if you send an annual check, can I get a cash advance?
AT&T: Excuse me?
Me: You know, the 10 cents a minute.
AT&T: What are you talking about?
Me: You said you'd give me 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. That comes to $144 per day, $1,008 per week and $52,560 per year. I'm just interested in knowing how you will be making payment.
AT&T: Oh no, sir, I didn't mean we'd be paying you. You pay us 10 cents a minute.
Me: Wait a minute here!!! Didn't you say you'd give me 10 cents a minute? Are you sure this is AT&T?
AT&T: Well, yes this is AT&T sir but......
Me: But nothing, how do you figure that by saying that you'll give me 10 cents a minute that I'll give you 10 cents a minute? Is this some kind of subliminal telemarketing scheme? I've read about things like this in the Enquirer, you know. Don't use your alien brainwashing techniques on me.
AT&T: No sir, we are offering 10 cents a minute for.....
Me: THERE YOU GO AGAIN! Can I speak to a supervisor please!
AT&T: Sir, I don't think that is necessary.
Me: Sure! You say that now! What happens later?
AT&T: What?
Me: I insist on speaking to a supervisor!
AT&T: Yes Mr. Byron. Please hold.
So now AT&T has me on hold and my supper is getting cold. I begin to eat while I'm waiting for a supervisor. After a wait of a few minutes and while I have a mouth full of food:
Supervisor: Mr. Byron?
Me: Yeth?
Supervisor: I understand you are not quite understanding our 10 cents a minute program.
Me: Id thish Ath Teeth & Teeth?
Supervisor: Yes sir, it sure is.
I had to swallow before I choked on my food. It was all I could do to suppress my laughter and I had to be careful not to produce a snort.
Me: No, actually, I was just waiting for someone to get back to me so that I could sign up for the plan.
Supervisor: OK, no problem, I'll transfer you back to the person who was helping you.
Me: Thank you.
I was on hold once again and managed a few more mouthfuls. I needed to end this conversation. Suddenly, there was an aggravated but polite voice at the other end of the phone.
AT&T: Hello Mr. Byron, I understand that you are interested in signing up for our plan?
Me: Do you have that friends and family thing because you can never have enough friends and I'm an only child and I'd really like to have a little brother...
AT&T: (click)

*Note: I take no credit for this. I found it.

[nosemonster]

haha thats the way to waste their time and make it not work anymore and maybe just maybe we could abolish telemarketing.

[sp0rkay]

hahahahahaha dude i litteraly fell on the ground cracking up ........ might have to do with the fact i am stoned outta my mind right now but thats still really fucking funny

[heatherly]

Oh I hate telemarketers. I had a job for about six months calling for credit card offers. The worst job in my life. We had keep trying to sell and had to have atleast two rebuttles or we would get in trouble. It was so awful listening to people yell at you all day on the phone and in your other ear to sell sell sell.

[Puff~Puff~Choke]

headache frm laughing

[RavenousDank]

awesome...nice going on the 'you'd give me 10 cents a minute' thing...hilarious

[TheBigB]

nice

i always try to fuck with them but end up cracking up and then hang up on them.

[Spade420]

LMAO +rep for that one, I needed a good laugh!!

[danker123]

i really needed that laugh right about now. +rep for sure

[smokeitup421]

hahahahh!!!!

[tooking]

everytime they call I say hello is -- here? i just hang up.

[Evilpig]

LOL! Fuckin hilarious.

[eyec0n]

Originally Posted by nosemonster

haha thats the way to waste their time and make it not work anymore and maybe just maybe we could abolish telemarketing.

Too bad what would happen in REAL LIFE is that 1000's upon 1000's of people in the U.S. would get fired and the companies would relocate to a place where habiibb or maria will call you all day for $2.

Its bad enough we fucked up technical support, lets not fuck up telemarketing! Just hang up and let them bug someone else.

[somekind]

I don't know, mushrooms, I googled your story and it appears on other websites. Somehow I think you are plagiarising this one. There is a 'quote' button on your message editor.

[mushroomsatsuji]

I actually forgot about this for a while till I saw I got rep for it...

Originally Posted by somekind

I don't know, mushrooms, I googled your story and it appears on other websites. Somehow I think you are plagiarising this one. There is a 'quote' button on your message editor.

Yes, thank you. I would like to point out that this is not my work. I found it on the web. Sorry for any confusion.