Have a REALLY GOOD joke post it up.

[Key2gb]

a horse walks into a bar and the bartender says "why the long face?"

[celldweller59]

Originally Posted by brownstain

what do you call a cow with no legs?


I forgot

That'd be ground beef there buddy!

[celldweller59]

so i'm walking down the street one day and i hear this noise. it's a really strange noise and i've never heard anything like it in my life. i'm curious about this noise and decide to find out what it is and it turns out it's coming from a monistary. so i go up to the monistary doors and knock. a monk answers the door and i ask him, "what is this strange noise that i hear coming from this monistary?". he replies, "i cannot tell you, you are not a monk."

so i ask him, "how do i become a monk?". he tells me, "go and give away all of your posessions, then you must live in solotude for three years. after three years, return here to receive your training." so i go and give away all my posessions and live in solitude for three years. i then return to the monistary and once again hear the noise. i knock on the door and the monk answers the door. "i have given away all my posessions and lived in solitude for three years. i am now ready for my training."

he then takes me inside and takes me to a hallway. "when you reach the end of this hallway you will have completed your training and will find the answer to your question" so i start down the hallway and notice that the noise is getting a little louder. i come to a set of stairs and the stairs go up so i go up the stairs. i get to the top and they go down on the other side so i go down the stairs. i get a little further and come to another set of stairs and the stairs go up so i go up the stairs. i get to the top and they go down on the other side so i go down the stairs.

i get a little further and come to a wall. it seems i'm even closer to the sound now, but i can't get over this wall. it's about fifteen feet high so i can't jump over it or anything so i turn aound and go back up the stairs down the stairs up the stairs down the stairs and back to the monk and i tell him, "i've reached a wall but i cannot climb it". he gives me some climbing gear and i take it and go back up the stairs down the stairs up the stairs down the stairs and to the wall. i use the climbing gear and go up the wall and the hallway continues.

i get a little further and come to a river. it seems i'm even closer to the sound now. i'm a fairly good swimmer, but this river is moving along pretty quick so i don't want to risk drowning so i go back down the small wall up the stairs down the stairs up the stairs down the stairs and back to the monk and i tell him, "i've reached a river but i cannot cross it". he gives me an inflatable raft and an oar and i take it and go back up the stairs down the stairs up the stairs down the stairs up the wall and use the raft and oar to cross the river.

i get to the other side of the river and there's a large field so i cross the field and come to an even bigger wall. this wall is about fifty feet high so i go back across the field and cross the river and go back to the small wall and grab my climbing gear and go back across the river across the field and up the big wall. the sound is even louder now. i get to the top of the big wall and get a little further and come to an immense glass wall. i could break through it somehow, but i'd risk schard of glass falling on me and perhaps killing me so i go back down the big wall across the field across the river down the small wall up the stairs down the stairs up the stairs down the stairs and back to the monk and i tell him, "i've reached an immense glass wall but i cannot get through it".

he gives me a glass cutting kit and i take it and go back up the stairs down the stairs up the stairs down the stairs up the small wall across the river across the field up the big wall and use the glass cutting kit to get throught the immense glass wall. the sound is really loud now. i get a little further and finally come to the end of the hallway and there's a door. i try to open the door, but it's locked. so i go back through the glass wall down the big wall across the field across the river down the small wall up the stairs down the stairs up the stairs down the stairs and back to the monk and i tell him, "i've reached a door but i cannot open it".

he gives me a key and i take it and go back up the stairs down the stairs up the stairs down the stairs up the small wall across the river across the field up the big wall through the glass wall and use the key to open the door and find the answer to my question. do you want to know what the sound is? i cannot tell you, you are not a monk!

[potm]

i kno its a little past halloween but
A married couple were going to go to a halloween party, just before they are getting ready the wife says that she feels sick, and decided not to go but insists that her husband goes, so he leaves, the wife lays down for an hour than decides she feels better and would like to leave. she puts on her costume and decides to go and surprise her husband. when she gets there she sees her husband in costume dancing with a bunch of woman, all scantily clad, she gets jealous and goes up to dance with him. Being the hottie that she was the husband ran to her and began to dance. a little while goes by and they wife says how about we go off for a mintute. he instantly agrees and they go into the bathroom and have sex. she kept her mask on and so did he. She then decides to leave before the unmasking at midnight, drives home and goes to bed. her husband comes home about an hour later,
"how was your night" she asked him
"oh terrible, you know how much those suck when you arent there, once i got there i saw bill and Jim and we played poker all night in the lounge"
convinced he is lying she says
"oh well than nothing eventful happened?"
"well actaully" he says with a laugh "youll never believe what happend to mike, he borrowed my costume!"

[What'sThatSmell]

This one's offensive but..

What do you call the useless flesh around a vagina?
A woman!

[Key2gb]

Originally Posted by celldweller59

so i'm walking down the street one day and i hear this noise. it's a really strange noise and i've never heard anything like it in my life. i'm curious about this noise and decide to find out what it is and it turns out it's coming from a monistary. so i go up to the monistary doors and knock. a monk answers the door and i ask him, "what is this strange noise that i hear coming from this monistary?". he replies, "i cannot tell you, you are not a monk."

so i ask him, "how do i become a monk?". he tells me, "go and give away all of your posessions, then you must live in solotude for three years. after three years, return here to receive your training." so i go and give away all my posessions and live in solitude for three years. i then return to the monistary and once again hear the noise. i knock on the door and the monk answers the door. "i have given away all my posessions and lived in solitude for three years. i am now ready for my training."

he then takes me inside and takes me to a hallway. "when you reach the end of this hallway you will have completed your training and will find the answer to your question" so i start down the hallway and notice that the noise is getting a little louder. i come to a set of stairs and the stairs go up so i go up the stairs. i get to the top and they go down on the other side so i go down the stairs. i get a little further and come to another set of stairs and the stairs go up so i go up the stairs. i get to the top and they go down on the other side so i go down the stairs.

i get a little further and come to a wall. it seems i'm even closer to the sound now, but i can't get over this wall. it's about fifteen feet high so i can't jump over it or anything so i turn aound and go back up the stairs down the stairs up the stairs down the stairs and back to the monk and i tell him, "i've reached a wall but i cannot climb it". he gives me some climbing gear and i take it and go back up the stairs down the stairs up the stairs down the stairs and to the wall. i use the climbing gear and go up the wall and the hallway continues.

i get a little further and come to a river. it seems i'm even closer to the sound now. i'm a fairly good swimmer, but this river is moving along pretty quick so i don't want to risk drowning so i go back down the small wall up the stairs down the stairs up the stairs down the stairs and back to the monk and i tell him, "i've reached a river but i cannot cross it". he gives me an inflatable raft and an oar and i take it and go back up the stairs down the stairs up the stairs down the stairs up the wall and use the raft and oar to cross the river.

i get to the other side of the river and there's a large field so i cross the field and come to an even bigger wall. this wall is about fifty feet high so i go back across the field and cross the river and go back to the small wall and grab my climbing gear and go back across the river across the field and up the big wall. the sound is even louder now. i get to the top of the big wall and get a little further and come to an immense glass wall. i could break through it somehow, but i'd risk schard of glass falling on me and perhaps killing me so i go back down the big wall across the field across the river down the small wall up the stairs down the stairs up the stairs down the stairs and back to the monk and i tell him, "i've reached an immense glass wall but i cannot get through it".

he gives me a glass cutting kit and i take it and go back up the stairs down the stairs up the stairs down the stairs up the small wall across the river across the field up the big wall and use the glass cutting kit to get throught the immense glass wall. the sound is really loud now. i get a little further and finally come to the end of the hallway and there's a door. i try to open the door, but it's locked. so i go back through the glass wall down the big wall across the field across the river down the small wall up the stairs down the stairs up the stairs down the stairs and back to the monk and i tell him, "i've reached a door but i cannot open it".

he gives me a key and i take it and go back up the stairs down the stairs up the stairs down the stairs up the small wall across the river across the field up the big wall through the glass wall and use the key to open the door and find the answer to my question. do you want to know what the sound is? i cannot tell you, you are not a monk!

fuck you i read that whole thing haha

[celldweller59]

yeah i was really high when a guy wasted 5 minutes of my life to tell me that one and i punched him for it. yeah it's a "joke" but not a funny joke, it's more of a "joke's on you" thing.

[steelpulse]

a cucumber, pickel, and a penis are smokin and talking about life. the cucumber says "oh man my life sucks they are gonna chop me up and put me on a salad." The pickel says " thats nothing ive lived my whole life in a jar." The penis looks at the pickel and says "you think you got it bad? They put a bag over my head, stick me in a dark hole, and wiggle me around until i throw up."

[africantapwater]

Originally Posted by celldweller59

yeah i was really high when a guy wasted 5 minutes of my life to tell me that one and i punched him for it. yeah it's a "joke" but not a funny joke, it's more of a "joke's on you" thing.

Haha, you've got to admit...

[ChronicSmoke420]

why does a chicken coop have 2 doors?





Because if it had 4 it'd be called a sedan!

[Blunt_Babe]

.. here is the story - at a party with friends one of them brings this A- hole with him ... this guy has done nothing but be a jerk the whole night he then tels this joke ...

Why does the Bride wear white at the wedding.... cuz the dishwasher should match the other appliances.


Well I respond with - " hey ... Why do woman wear black to bed..... TOO mourn the Dead Fuck beside them.....


...... dude didn't say two words the rest of the night.

[GreenMachine420]

what do u do if your dishwasher is broken?



You kick her!

[Predator1]

Hope you all like off-color humor:

How do we know Princess Diana had dandruff?
-They found her Head & Shoulders in the glove compartment.

Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
-Because she wasn't wearing her seat belt.

Why couldn't Helen Keller drive a car?
-Because she was a woman.

Want to hear a joke?
("Yes")
-Women's rights!

What's the difference between a truck full of babies and a truck full of bowling balls?
-You can't unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork.

Two muffins are sitting in an oven. One turns to the other and says, "Hey, it's getting pretty hot in here." The other muffin turns and replies, "HOLY JUMPING FUCKING SHITBALLS, A TALKING MUFFIN!!"

[blahtityblah]

I just read this on college humor today:

Why smoking weed is a lot like going to a baseball game
1. A hit is always good.
2. Things can go really slowly.
3. You spend about $50 on food.
4. It's america's favorite pasttime.

[davoplot]

What do blondes and Prawns have in common?: Their both full of shit but their pink parts are tasty.

How do you fit 4 gay guys on 1 stool?: turn the stool upside down

What do you call an Etheopian woman with Vanarial Desease?
1/4 pounder with cheese!

How can you spot a Etheopian drug dealer?:
The one with the rolex around his waste.

GROSS JOKE!!!: Incest Joke, so...

So there was a Father, Son, and Daughter...
Father was sitting on the lazyboy reading his newpaper, when Daughter came up to him and asked " Dad I need a ride to the mall, can you drive me ?"
Father:"Sure...but only on one condition Daughter..."
Daughter:"Sure, whats that?"
Father:"You have to give me a blowjob"
Daughter:"Fine"

incest actions are happening while Daughter said..

Daughter:"Dad why does it smell like shit?"
Father:" Because you brother wanted a ride to the skatepark today"!!!


nasty eh?