Things not to say to a cop

TheHempress · #1 (**permalink**) 02-03-2003, 04:11 PM

Things not to say to a cop when you're pulled over...

I only had one officer Mr. Keg..

Back off Barney, I've got a piece.

Want to race to the station, Sparky?

I know I was weaving, but I can't find the Honeycomb Hideout!

On the way to the station let's get a twelve pack.

You'll never get those cuffs on me...You Pussy!

Come on write the damn ticket, the bars close in 20 minutes!

Hey, wasn't your daughter a pork queen?

How long is this going to take? Your wife is expecting me.

Hey officer, is that your nightstick or are you just glad to see me?

I'm surprised you stopped me, Dunkin Donuts has a 3 for 1 special!

Yeah you can see my license and registration, officer, but could you hold my beer for a minute?

Hey, you must've been doing' about 125mph (200km/h) to keep up with me! Good job!

Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a Police Officer.

Excuse me. Is "stick up" hyphenated?

You know, I was going to be cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

"Bad Cop! No Donut!"

I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are cars around, that's how far I am behind the other cars.

You're NOT gonna check the trunk, are you?

"Lets do it different this time... I will give you the breathalyzer test, now stick this in your mouth and blow"

Didn't I see you get your ass kicked on "COPS" last week on TV?

Wow, You look just like the guy in the picture next to my girlfriend's bed.

I bet I could grab that gun before you finish writing my ticket

So, uh, you "on the take", or what?

Gee, officer! That's terrific. The police officer yesterday only gave me a warning too!

Do you know why you pulled me over? Good, at least one of us does.

So, are you still crabby because your mamma didn't let you play with your gun when you were little?

Hey is that a 9 mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 magnum.

When you smack the crap outta me, make sure you smile for the video camcorder.

Is it true that people become policemen because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?

www.lotsofjokes.com

weedeater · #2 (**permalink**) 02-03-2003, 10:02 PM

so true so true

MrSmokebigbuds · #3 (**permalink**) 02-03-2003, 10:34 PM

LOL!!!..dont for get this

cop: gee son ur eyes look mighty red...have u been smokeing?...kid: gee offcer u eyes look glazyed have u been eating donuts?

ps. some thing like that..lol

TooSicKs · #4 (**permalink**) 02-03-2003, 11:16 PM

haha!!

It wasn't a cop but one time i was in the garden store looking for some growing substrate all stoned. I was talking to the manager about the different soils and he asks me what i plan to grow. Before i talked to him i made sure i knew what i was gonna say to not sound suspicious, and what i had come up with is "I'm growin some potted houseplants indoors"

I looked up and said "I'm gonna grow some mad indoor potplants"

Fuck! did i say that? i'm a dumbass!

He looked at me, reached down and picked up a bag of mircale gro supergrow soil or somethin and says "Then u need some of this"

I must have rode the short bus to school that day, haha.

Switch · #5 (**permalink**) 02-03-2003, 11:18 PM

no ossifer there's no blood in my alcohol system

supafly · #6 (**permalink**) 02-04-2003, 02:50 AM

there are some real good jokes ya got man. good stuff

peace

Bud Head · #7 (**permalink**) 02-04-2003, 03:12 AM

Excuse me, officer, What is the leagal amout of pot i can have on me before you'll bust me?

If you don't give me a ticket, i'll give you an eighth of some good pot.

Do you mind if I have a smoke? (pot smoke that is)

Officer can you hurry up? I will have this keg empty before i get to the party if you take to long!

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Switch to Hybrid Mode Switch to Threaded Mode

Similar Threads
Thread	Thread Starter	Forum	Replies	Last Post
Things Artists Should Quit Doing	Tulku	Music Hall	22	03-01-2007 04:34 PM
20 things we have learned after 9/11	Adam G	Pandora's Box	15	07-13-2006 11:44 AM
Things learned	superjoint	Grasscity Forum Humor	5	01-10-2003 04:16 AM
cop brutality! goooood one ;)	sensimil	Grasscity Forum Humor	0	08-27-2002 08:31 PM
Cop Out	KELLY LAMONTAGN	Real Life Stories	3	07-28-2002 09:56 AM

Site links

FAQ

Important

Extra

#1 (permalink) 02-03-2003, 04:11 PM
TheHempress You're not the chosen one Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: 4200 Super Moderator Blvd., Grasscity Pennsylvania, 17420 Posts: 11,950 Blog Entries: 8	Things not to say to a cop Things not to say to a cop when you're pulled over... I only had one officer Mr. Keg.. Back off Barney, I've got a piece. Want to race to the station, Sparky? I know I was weaving, but I can't find the Honeycomb Hideout! On the way to the station let's get a twelve pack. You'll never get those cuffs on me...You Pussy! Come on write the damn ticket, the bars close in 20 minutes! Hey, wasn't your daughter a pork queen? How long is this going to take? Your wife is expecting me. Hey officer, is that your nightstick or are you just glad to see me? I'm surprised you stopped me, Dunkin Donuts has a 3 for 1 special! Yeah you can see my license and registration, officer, but could you hold my beer for a minute? Hey, you must've been doing' about 125mph (200km/h) to keep up with me! Good job! Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a Police Officer. Excuse me. Is "stick up" hyphenated? You know, I was going to be cop, but I decided to finish high school instead. "Bad Cop! No Donut!" I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are cars around, that's how far I am behind the other cars. You're NOT gonna check the trunk, are you? "Lets do it different this time... I will give you the breathalyzer test, now stick this in your mouth and blow" Didn't I see you get your ass kicked on "COPS" last week on TV? Wow, You look just like the guy in the picture next to my girlfriend's bed. I bet I could grab that gun before you finish writing my ticket So, uh, you "on the take", or what? Gee, officer! That's terrific. The police officer yesterday only gave me a warning too! Do you know why you pulled me over? Good, at least one of us does. So, are you still crabby because your mamma didn't let you play with your gun when you were little? Hey is that a 9 mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 magnum. When you smack the crap outta me, make sure you smile for the video camcorder. Is it true that people become policemen because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds? www.lotsofjokes.com __________________ Now baby, baby, baby this world must seem so immense compared to the womb and baby, baby, baby your head must seem so much smaller than you assumed the whole world seems to center around you it'd be easy to make the mistake that maybe you're why the world was made

#3 (permalink) 02-03-2003, 10:34 PM
MrSmokebigbuds Old School Stoner Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Lost Posts: 893	LOL!!!..dont for get this cop: gee son ur eyes look mighty red...have u been smokeing?...kid: gee offcer u eyes look glazyed have u been eating donuts? ps. some thing like that..lol __________________ "hemp is of first neccssity to the wealth and protection of the country" -Thomas Jefferson No squealin', remember {that it's all in your head}" "Pot Heads Are People Too"~Me http://www.norml.org/index.cfm GOD BLESS THE U.S.A!!!!! "JANE SAYS!!"

#4 (permalink) 02-03-2003, 11:16 PM
TooSicKs Old School Stoner Join Date: Jan 2003 Posts: 1,092	haha!! It wasn't a cop but one time i was in the garden store looking for some growing substrate all stoned. I was talking to the manager about the different soils and he asks me what i plan to grow. Before i talked to him i made sure i knew what i was gonna say to not sound suspicious, and what i had come up with is "I'm growin some potted houseplants indoors" I looked up and said "I'm gonna grow some mad indoor potplants" Fuck! did i say that? i'm a dumbass! He looked at me, reached down and picked up a bag of mircale gro supergrow soil or somethin and says "Then u need some of this" I must have rode the short bus to school that day, haha. __________________ "They taste like crap! What are these mints called?" "Excre-Mints" "I Think I Thought Therefore I Thought I Was" "Is it stoned in here or is it just me?" "One out of every four people is suffering from some form of mental illness. Check three friends. If they're OK, then it's you." "Cuz' tha weedflo don't stop an they ain' no cops, bustin people tokin in they own box, ya wanna know was up ya wanna know where I'll be, I be chillin up in Ol'skool-B"

#5 (permalink) 02-03-2003, 11:18 PM
Switch ARGH!!!! Join Date: Jun 2002 Posts: 1,731	no ossifer there's no blood in my alcohol system __________________ Death smiles at EVERY man. All he can do is smile back. - Marcus Aurelius

#6 (permalink) 02-04-2003, 02:50 AM
supafly straight trippin' ... Join Date: Dec 2002 Posts: 440	there are some real good jokes ya got man. good stuff peace __________________ They can take our lives, but they can never take our freedom-Braveheart Won't you help to sing these songs of freedom- Bob Marley What a long strange trip its been...

#7 (permalink) 02-04-2003, 03:12 AM
Bud Head Old School Stoner Join Date: Aug 2001 Posts: 10,792	Excuse me, officer, What is the leagal amout of pot i can have on me before you'll bust me? If you don't give me a ticket, i'll give you an eighth of some good pot. Do you mind if I have a smoke? (pot smoke that is) Officer can you hurry up? I will have this keg empty before i get to the party if you take to long! __________________ If you can't own a John Deere, just get out of farming..

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)