Things learned

superjoint · #1 (**permalink**) 01-03-2003, 03:24 PM

I got this from someone that just turned 50:
Subject: Nineteen Things That Took Me Fifty Years to Learn
1. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."
3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
5. And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle...
6. You should not confuse your career with your life.
7. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
8. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command...Very often, that individual is crazy.
9. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
10. Never lick a steak knife.
11. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.
12. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.
13. You will never find anybody giving a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
14. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
15. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
16. "The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
17. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.
18. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
19. Your friends love you anyway.

stonie jo · #2 (**permalink**) 01-03-2003, 08:42 PM

#14!!! I did that once.........Asked a chic about her bein pregnant and she wasn't!!!!!!!!!!! It was awful!!

Oh and of course #16!!
Very funny!!

Bud Head · #3 (**permalink**) 01-03-2003, 09:36 PM

Those things are so true!

weedeater · #4 (**permalink**) 01-04-2003, 04:16 AM

yup

flowerchild420 · #5 (**permalink**) 01-04-2003, 10:01 AM

Those lessons are indeed so true!!!!!!! And I firmly believe that gossip is the MOST POWERFUL force in the universe!!!!!!

12inchbong · #6 (**permalink**) 01-10-2003, 04:16 AM

Heh, I like the one about commenting on pregnant chicks.
Has anybody seen that list of 107 reasons why beer is better than women? I used to have that bookmarked, but I lost it. I don't drink or anything, I just think they're very amusing....

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#1 (permalink) 01-03-2003, 03:24 PM
superjoint Grasscity Admin Join Date: Jul 2000 Location: Amsterdam, Noord Holland, The Netherlands Posts: 3,868 Blog Entries: 14	Things learned I got this from someone that just turned 50: Subject: Nineteen Things That Took Me Fifty Years to Learn 1. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. 2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings." 3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness." 4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them. 5. And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle... 6. You should not confuse your career with your life. 7. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously. 8. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command...Very often, that individual is crazy. 9. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. 10. Never lick a steak knife. 11. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie. 12. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip. 13. You will never find anybody giving a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time. 14. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment. 15. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven. 16. "The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers. 17. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them. 18. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. 19. Your friends love you anyway.

#2 (permalink) 01-03-2003, 08:42 PM
stonie jo Old School Stoner Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 713	LOL!! #14!!! I did that once.........Asked a chic about her bein pregnant and she wasn't!!!!!!!!!!! It was awful!! Oh and of course #16!! Very funny!!

#3 (permalink) 01-03-2003, 09:36 PM
Bud Head Old School Stoner Join Date: Aug 2001 Posts: 10,792	Those things are so true! __________________ If you can't own a John Deere, just get out of farming..

#5 (permalink) 01-04-2003, 10:01 AM
flowerchild420 Old School Stoner Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: A mountain somewhere in WV.......... Posts: 917	Those lessons are indeed so true!!!!!!! And I firmly believe that gossip is the MOST POWERFUL force in the universe!!!!!! __________________ I now officially believe in dragons, fairies, good men, and other fantasy creatures!!!!!!!!

#6 (permalink) 01-10-2003, 04:16 AM
12inchbong Old School Stoner Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: SE Michigan Posts: 537	Heh, I like the one about commenting on pregnant chicks. Has anybody seen that list of 107 reasons why beer is better than women? I used to have that bookmarked, but I lost it. I don't drink or anything, I just think they're very amusing....

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