my sister

[savage_goose]

well this might be a long post...

my sister is the most horrible person i have ever met in my life (that is the truth i have never met anyone else who i loath more, though i am shure terrible people are out there), she suffers from depression and has been a constant burden on me. she has never been there for me the way a sister should, and has only ever kicked me when i have been down before, or tried to bring me down when i was up. i cannot think of one way she has ever positivly influenced my life, and believe me i have tried.


from a young age, 5 to be exact i was tormented by her. she is 7 years older than me. when i was 5 and 6 i had to take the bus to and from school (1 hour trip) every day with her, my other sister (who is ok but were not really close) and a bunch of older kids, same age as her. i was picked on every day, tormented more. imagine being that young and having to deal with kids who looked like giants. to be honest i couldnt deal and owuld be in tears most of the days we got home. i was living in a foriegn country at the time so the bus driver and lady who looked after us on the bus couldnt speak english so they didnt know what was going on, and couldnt report anything to anybody. nothing was done about my problem. that is the worst of it, except for three years when i was in grades 4, 5 and 6.


i was still too young and stupid to really defend my self still and she was going through her most destructive years, she would not take her medication, i came honme to cops 3 times, and they were phoned to take her away for the night twice. she was the worst to me because i am the youngest and most vulnerable in my family, making me the obvious target for her hatred. one major that sticks out in my memory is that during these years like any well into puberty teenager she cared about her looks a bit too much. she would lock herself into our only bathroom for about 2 to even 5 hours a day. what was she doing? picking at her face. yes i know it is pathetic but she would sometimes come out of the bathroom with bloody self inflicted wounds on her forhead, cheeks or w/e. i could really go into detail about some of the things she has done and said but i will not because i am shure i could write a short book on it. but just to give another example, i lost my first tooth when she convinced me she had some novelty bubblegum which was made to look like a rock the size of a large marbel. it hurt. lots of blood. at christmas my parents give each of us 20 dollars per family member to buy gifts. she gives used cd's and 4 dollar packages from the dollar store and keeps the money, even the holiday spirit is something she doesnt understand. she also tried killing herself with sleeping pills, tylenol and everything else in the house too, but she called an ambulance and they pumped it out in time to save her.


in later years she dropped out of highschool in gr 11 and took night courses while still living with us, making me unhappy, untill she graduated. she does not go to college. she slept for about the next two years and took drugs(i only know that weed and x are on the list). still making me unhappy. then she finally moved into a shitty 1 room 1 bathroom apartment under a lawyers office. she moved in and out of our home and other homes for the next year. now she has a job as a telemarketer, saving money to go to community college, even though it would be a miracle if she could complete a college course, she has never shown any sign of strength ever. she has moved on to dangerous , uncertain chemicle drugs such as amt (go to erowid) which are dangerous and probably for a person like her even more stupid of a thing to do. well during the later years up untill now i would respond to her with anger, yelling and swearing, we even got into 2 fist fights which landed me in counceling. i never got councelled because i never spoke a single word and didnt go back after 2 silent sessions. now i am silent and hold in my pent up rage (even though she doesnt make me as angry as she used too).

but a small ball is still in my stomach and i can feel it grow every time i think about her. untill my mind goes elsewhere and it shrinks again but still remains. she is like a poison if i were to use one word to explain how she fits into my life. she infects my happy feelings and ruins everything that is good with her presence. i cannot bear to be in a room with her, sitting near her is just to hard if you can believe it. i do not fight anymore because i know i hurt my parents too when i do this. i feel extreme sadness and anger at the same time. i am now depressed because i have written this. i feel very sad. i realize that she is the problem but i must be the solution becuase she never will be. i have spoke to my parents and she will be living here for at least another 3 years. she is few years over 20 now. i cant stand to think of 3 more years with her and i cant move out because that wouldnt be the right choice for my life right now. i am thinking of going back to get counceling to talk over my problems and maybe get rid of the knot in my stomach which has shrunk but will not go away. i did not come here to bitch even though i guess i just did. posting this in a place where i know people will read it is thereaputic in some way or another. thanks if u read the whole thing.

p.s. my parents put up with this horrible shit because they are forgiving cristians.

[Ars moriendi]

The lack of any real paragraphs an such left me giving up half way.. but from what I did read...

Spit in her mouth while she sleeps...every night for the next 5 years. You won't even come close to getting back at her but hey...it'll make you laugh.

[hotsauc3]

It sounds to me like she may have some pent up issues. Forget about revenge, it's a stupid ideal that'll cause more problems then it'll solve. Sit down and tell her your concerns about her drug use. Tell her how you felt she hasn't been there for you. Neither of you will get to the root of the problem unless you look it in the face and deal with it openly. Shit man just talk to her. Make a deal that you'll both go in on an Ounce of dank every month as long as she doesn't touch harder drugs. It's not hard to initiate the first step. It's just something unknown to most.

[savage_goose]

i never said anything about revenge, just so that you know i dont want to get back at her, just get rid of the hate inside me. i hate the fact that its there and i can feel it tucked away.

[hotsauc3]

Hate is a force so strong it seems almost tangible. But it is a force of your own making all the same. Letting such a growth fester inside you is insulting to yourself. Forgiveness is the key word of the day.

[Krypto]

This doesnt sound good, at all. Every single family has sibling problems at times, my brother is 7 years older than me. But we get along just fine now that we are both older. This hate you're keeping inside of you is not good at all. You need to either go see a psycologist and talk, or I recommend a journal to keep, and to write in it all the time. Or someone to talk to atleast. You need to express yourself in a productive way, maybe tell you're parents exactly what you wrote here. She sounds horrible, she probably needs to lay off the E, its messing with her head big time. I cannot stress enough on what you are doing is wrong by holding in your anger. That knot in your stomach is going to grow, until you cant control it. Soon you'll be hurting yourself, or others, you may not think of it now, but thats the road. Also, set goals, like maybe find a way to move out and live a nice healthy life without your parents. But remember, family is the best thing ever. I still go with what I said by getting help, maybe you and your sister. It can really help, trust me. If you ever need someone to talk to, I know I'm just some lame blade but I'm on aim at Kindgskate. I hope you get your problems fixed friend.

[hotsauc3]

There is no such thing as a "lame blade." We all rock harder then socks.

[Krypto]

Err whatev, I'm a harping blade haha!!!.....Actually I'm just a big softy, I dont like seeing people with problems n such.

[savage_goose]

thanks, it makes me feel better that i have at least shared this with other people, i know i need to find someone to help me, whether its a phycologist with a clip board or maybe some sort of spiritual adviser. i talk to my mom about it all the time but shes had it so fucking hard i wont put her through anymore than she has too. and just so u know im a reasonably happy kid, i just feel like this is one of the last major unresolved problems in my life at the moment.

[delaWHERE?]

First, Savage, i'm so sorry you had to go through all this. I know you didn't write this for sympathy...but i just feel the need to give some out. That's a really rough way to grow up and your ability to come here and talk about it, not to mention coping with it all these years, proves what a strong person you are. I would definitely suggest finding someone you can confide in, preferably someone trained to handle this type of situation. If there are any teachers or coaches you're cool with at school, try talking to them. I'm sure that after writing this all out to us you felt a small release on that burden you've been carrying so long...and the more you talk it out the less hatred you will feel inside.

Stay strong, man. We're here for you.

[Ars moriendi]

So its clear I didn't read the whole post and I was cracking a joke.

I'd seriously have got her back tho...loooong time ago before drug use an depression allowed for pity on my part.

At the very least I'd have saranwrapped the toilet just to make her feel a bit of the humiliation I got from her and her friends. Revenge is healthy in a fucked up world. To be that nice an forgiving seems the insane thing lol

[Cornflake]

That describes a girl I know. Weird.
Just tell her to move out.

[Hashbrownies]

Man, GC has gotten sad as of late, after the rape thread and this I found myself seem selfish, and horrible, I was stressing over damn near getting caught smoking a cigar, I feel shitty, man, my stomach hurts, and I don't think its because of the old energy drink I just drank, dude, you want to know how to get rid of that knot?

Forgive her, forgiveness is the best tool, sit down with her and talk about her issues, make sure she doesn't do any drugs, whatsoever, not even weed for a while, until she gets over this hump, weed is great and all but turning to mary jane all the time to relieve stress is no way to live.

Also, I don't mean to make our problem seem miniscule by calling it a hump, I just thought it was the best day to word it.

[savage_goose]

well ive already asked her about a month ago if she wanted forgivness, she said infront of my mother that she hated me and didnt want it. from now on i am simply working on removing her from life, she cannot be co-operated with, sitting and talking with her is a no no because saying things like, we need to work things out, or lets try to start anew would go nowhere. srry if i sound pesimistec but like i said, i need to be the solution by myself she wants no part in it.

[420420420]

well, you should be able to move out now?


i mean, if you want... just completly shut her out of your life and forget about her.