i can't do it anymore, i need some opinions to make a decision

[sirseedymcseed]

ok...before i start. it's a long post. don't post unless you have some serious input. ultimately the decision is mine and i am just looking for other points of view to help make my decision. hopefully some girls can input. their perspective would be greatly appreciated.

i never thought i'd be one of those dudes posting about what they should do about their girl, but yeah... i don't have girl problems. i could pull girls easily but i have a girlfriend and no intentions to while i'm with her. that's not my problem. anyway...

i've been dating the same girl for awhile now. a long time. i started smoking about this time last year. she's always been against smoking of all kinds. her head is full of lies and propoganda and she's one of those people you cannot convert. i could make her respect it a little more maybe but i couldn't get her to cope with me smoking. we're both christians, but she's more close to the rules of the church. i'm more of a read the bible and believe in god kind of guy. anyway, she likes me to attend church occasionally so i do.

i feel like i'm only half of myself when i'm with her though. i'm not fake to her at all. i don't lie to her. i'd never cheat on her and she'd never cheat on me (just trust me on this and take my word for it, please). but, there's the stoner side of me. she knows i listen to pink floyd and hang out with stoners. but i've never told her about my habit. haven't lied to her just haven't been completely open.

i don't know if i should stop (NOT quit, there's a difference) as long as we're together and let the past be the past. i know a lot of parents that did that. but i don't see our relationship backing off anytime soon. i just can't see myself letting go of the habit. hanging out with my friends, listening to the same songs, chilling in the same spots. it wouldn't be the same without the high. it's like a piece of a puzzle missing. it's just not right. at the same time, i can't keep going behind her back. i'm a pro at this point at airing out my clothes/car, keeping my cool when i'm high. i'm rarely high around her if i can help it but exceptions have to happen.

i don't want to end up like one of those dudes you see sneaking out to smoke and not being able to share their habit with their girl. but i'm turning into it bad. but i don't want to stop. i don't see a reason to, just because she's uneducated about the truth. i have a conscience - everytime i toke i think about her. i don't feel guilty because it's not wrong. but it is wrong to not be completely open with her. i have several options, but none of them appeal to me. i don't win in any of them. all of them involve losing something i love and getting rid of part of my life that i want to keep. the way i'm living now, i get everything i want except that complete and total honesty. it works, but i always feel like i'm juggling things. i feel like if i get caught, oh well - it wasn't meant to be. but i never get caught and the chances are that i probably won't. not saying it couldn't...but too many things are in my favor. i work with her. she started after i did so half the staff knows vaguely about my habit but i stopped being so open after she started working there. since then i only tell those that i trust about my smoking and the others sort of forgot and have no reason to bring it up. some ass could say something but it's not likely.

but i'm tired of living like this. it works, and they say don't fix it if it isn't broken. but the way it's working isn't right. it's time i make a decision.

opinions? please, be serious and don't be assholes. and don't bash on religion. i never push mine on anyone else even though it's the base of christianity, so don't push yours onto me. just help.

[TheHempress]

Sneaking behind her back isn't right. I'm going to say that upfront. If I were her and I found out (and believe me, she will eventually), I'd be hurt, crushed, and it would take a lot to regain my trust.

Have you tried telling her how much MJ means to you? I know you said you wouldn't be able to convert her, but maybe you guys need to have a heart-to-heart about this.

If that doesn't work, I guess you just need to choose. Which do you love more? I couldn't tell from your post; did you start dating her before or after you started smoking?

I don't envy your dilemma. It's a tough choice to make. I was in your shoes once, and I chose my boyfriend (ex now). I think it was the wrong decision in my case. I didn't feel like myself, I felt like I threw away a very big part of myself just to please someone. I felt so fake.

But you're right, this is a decision only you can make. But I would try talking to her one more time. Tell her how important it is to you, how much of a part of you smoking is.

Good luck. And if you ever want to talk about it, you're welcome to PM or AIM (HempressOfShish) me.

[Mustard]

I'd have to agree with TheHempress.

The hard way out of this situation is to confront her about it, talk and be open about it. It's hard for obvious reason, bringin up the subject, and the end results of it. BUT, it is THE ONLY way that you have a chance (even if it may be slight) of having your cake, and eating it too. You'll have to prepare yourself for whatever may happen. She may get mad, she may cry, she may do this, she may do that. You know? The best advice to be given at this point is to 'face reality'. Obviously you know that reality is that you smoke, she doesn't like it, and while honesty may threaten the things you love it's the only way to go if you want to be yourself.

[Peace Frog]

I've been in your situation bro, and after being honest with her she just nagged me about smoking....so I stuck it out with her for awhile and to be honest it sucked, so I broke things off.
SMOKE
My best advice for you is to dump her...you said you can pull girls so what do you have to worry about? Sure you're giving up someone you have feelings for but so did I. Soon enough man she'll just be a memory to you...
WEED
EVERYDAY
Seriously bro be honest with yourself; how much longer do you really see yourself with this chick sneaking around and doing your thing all by your lonesome? You gotta be feeling a bit lonely man, since someone you care about is so far against something that is a part of you.

I'm telling you man, listen to me and hempress...she said she was unhappy too. Dump her bro.
SMOKE
WEED
EVERYDAY
On a lighter note man, if you ever come up north to KC drop me a PM and I'll smoke you out or something. Good luck man

[jodaMc]

Dude, i always thought what i would do in your situation. I would bring it up and seriosuly have a conversation with her and let her know your serious and let her know aobut your smoking life and why you love it so much and see how she respnds to it, it will be otugh but if she lives with it shes the one for you dude, if she doesnt dont quit somehting you lvoe for some1 theres tons of girls out there. But only you truely know which one you want more, but to be honest, if she cant live wit that shit dude theres alot of other things she wont be able to live with i bet

good luck let me know how u did

[el-producto]

ITS NOT GONNA LAST FOREVER....DONT ACT LIKE YOURE MARRIED TO HER

[ReformMaryJaneLaws]

I'd be miserable if I fell for a guy who didn't get high. It's part of my life and not being able to share that with the person I love would suck. Luckily, the person I love is a huge fucking stoner like me so we're chill. If he was against it...well, we wouldn't have gotten past hello, more than likely. LOL!

I really think that if she loves you then she needs to love all of you and the only way you'll know if she does love all of you is to tell her the truth.

You need to be yourself...completely....with the one you love. You can't just be part of yourself.

[TheHempress]

How are you doing, sirseedymcseed?

[sCaKmY]

man, you said it yourself, you can pull girls like crazy. If you have those feelings in the back of your head, i mean, isnt that a buzz kill, getting high shouldnt be like that. find a chick that likes to get high and your relationship will be that much stronger, because its another common ground that you can share.

[webbist]

Originally Posted by el-producto

ITS NOT GONNA LAST FOREVER....DONT ACT LIKE YOURE MARRIED TO HER

Geez, I'd hate to agree to such an insensitive statement, but I pretty much agree with this dude completely. Don't intentionally break up with her, but tell her about your habits, and if she's not cool and dumbs you, just forget about her.

[el-producto]

Originally Posted by webbist

Geez, I'd hate to agree to such an insensitive statement, but I pretty much agree with this dude completely. Don't intentionally break up with her, but tell her about your habits, and if she's not cool and dumbs you, just forget about her.

PRETTY MUCH. IT AINT WORTH IT GETTIN ALL STRESSED OUT OVER A GIRL....JUST MOVE ON TO THE NEXT HO MAN

[PanamaRed420]

If she finds out that you're sneaking around get'n high shes gonna lose some trust in you. Yea you don't lie directly to her, but you decive her. Same thing. Explain to her that its just something that youd like to do. Be up front. Sneakin around is the way to get her mad.

[Skizool]

thats a lot of stress over a chick and smokin pot. tell her and if she doesnt accept you for it, then she doesn't really love all of you, just the side that's sober. obviously weeds a part of your life, a part of you.

[MrBubbles]

from what you described man, it seems like you have to choose between the two current loves in your life, her and your other gal mary jane. So basically, from how i interpret your situation you'd feel fake being with her and not smoking pot. Now dont get me wrong on this next part, i love marijuana and i will be a lifetime smoker and have my ashes be used as soil for a plant so my friends and family could smoke me, but it IS just a consumable good. you can go out and get weed whenever you feel like it, it'll always be there to make you feel good and high, but losing a person that you (from what i can tell) love just as much as pot, because of pot, is something that sticks with you.
if it were up to me and i had to choose to either quit smoking pot or be with the person i love, im gonna quit and not look back (until either we break up or she wants to try smoking pot).

[Blant-Man_007]

what makes you feel right and true to your self man what makes you be the person you are man go wiht your heart man love is a tough thing to find man just be upfront with her dont lie tell the truth because the truth will set you free