need to pass military drug test - two weeks

As the title states, it's looking like I'm going to join the service. Official enlistment should be at least two weeks from now, so I'm shooting for that date.

I'm 6' 1/2" tall, 201 lbs, and last smoked two nights ago. Haven't been too heavy of a smoker recently.

I want to make sure I have all of my bases covered:
-Hair
-Blood
-Urine
-Mouth

For hair, I'm going to try to find a cleansing shampoo (do these really work?), and for my urine, I'll be chugging water, tea, and juice like hell.

As for blood and oral, I have no clue. Blood sounds like it would be a tough test to beat, though I have no idea how long thc is detectable in blood.

Anyone else been in a similar position? Apparently they watch you piss, so no cheating allowed, I need to be legitimately clean by the time I reach MEPS. Are there any sure-fire cleansing products out there?

MEPS is gonna make you piss in a cup while a guy watches you. The rest you dont have to worry about. Just go ahead and shave your head if you havent already.

Hair samples can be taken from anywhere on the body, so that's no use. And on the off-chance that I get disqualified or cold feet right before enlisting, I'm not going to shave my head and look retarded for another 4-6 years.

I'm not going to shave my head and look retarded for another 4-6 years.

dude i shave my head every month, that shit grows back faster than you'd think. i average about an inch- inchandahalf every month.

Hair samples can be taken from anywhere on the body, so that's no use.

As previously said, it doesn't matter, you will only pee in a cup at MEPS, they won't take a hair test, no saliva, they don't check your blood samples for it, the only way they check is through urine. This is from personal experience, just keep drinking.

dude your already fucked.....

the government is probly looking at this post right now like " Check out this motha fucka".

To make positively sure, you should make up an excuse to postpone it. Weed takes a month- 2months to get out of your system, 2 months being if your a heavy smoker and like you mentioned, do drink a shit ton of water.
You said you last smoked two days ago, or something like that, but what about before? Had you stopped a month - 2months prior?
If you go and fail, its something like a year before you can try again.
My bf is a ex-Marine.

hey man, congrats on enlisting and good luck.

on subject, my buddy enlisted into the marines, and he was just straight up with them. they were about to drug test him, and he flat out said. im going to fail this test, i smoked pot a few days ago.

and insted of kicking him out, they gave him detox haha.

so yeah, if shit comes down to it, they will prolly do that for you, if tyou dont want it to come down to that, then i would recommend magnum detox. its only like 40 bucks and works like a charm.

i think they only piss test btw, but i wouldnt quote me on that.

just go on a niacin andd b-12 regiment,,,,

stuff cleaned me out in 4 days,,,, and im a heavy smoker,,,,

2 weeks should be plenty of time,,,,

and dont be volenteering no info. to these guys,,,,they keep track of everything in your file,,,

your allowed to fail this mep's pisstest,,,, i failed mine along with another dude,,, they just talked to us and said no more,,,

but in 2 weeks you got plenty of time,,

bro, you need to shave your head for the military anyways...

well the hair and piss and mouth tests r passable

but if they give u a blood test then you're fuked

Okay, first off... You're wasting a lot of your time. I served in the Marine Corps for quite a while and here's some pointers for you:

1) you must wait at least a month, it's okay to tell your recruiter that you have smoked ( don't lie to him about that one thing.. they don't care, they just want you in) .. this way they will drug test you in the recruiter office until you pass before sending you to MEPS, where you really don't want to fail a drug test.

2) Blood test is only used for HIV testing at MEPS, no drug test is done on hair.

3) As everyone knows it's going to take most likely 30-45 days for your urine to test clear of THC, the only variance in this is based on how fat you are as THC is stored in fat, and of course drinking more water and some vitamin C will help it clear just a tad faster.

4) They do not take a saliva sample.. For anything. The most they look in your mouth for is dental related shit, and to make sure you still have your tonsils if you stated you've had no surgeries.

How MEPS usually works:

you arrive and take your asvab at night.
you wake up at 4.30, eat, head back to meps.
you arrive for your physical.
you get your blood pressure taken.
you take your piss test.
they draw blood to check for HIV, and place your DNA on file (that's right, it's part of the contract).
you go back in to a cold ass room.
you strip down to your underwear.
you fall to your knees and stand back up on your feet without any help from your hands and your toes must continue to touch the floor at all times.
you do a duck walk forward and back.
you have height/weight check done.
you get your balls and asshole checked out.
you do hearing/eye exam.
you take care of any special exames (airborne, 18X-SF, etc..)

You may end up taking a personality test, but only if you have criminal record or you have a GED instead of a HS Diploma.

you will meet with a counselor if you've made it this far, decide a job, hear your bonus info etc, sign your life away in a contract, and set up a ship out date, and do a bullshit swear in for show.

you go home *unless you ship out that day*

you return to meps to ship out.
you sit all day and end up with a plane ticket, a real swear in, FBI NCIS full scans and entry. DNA, Finger Prints, Facials, etc are all entered into the FBI database.
You officially sign away a piece of your life, and sign a paper saying who's gonna get your military life insurance when you get fucking shot.
you then get on a plane, prolly at least one more if not 2, end up at basic training, and start hell.

Oh yeah, and there's always some creepy faggot watching your piss.. and he does stare at your dick pretty hard, you're not getting by with anyone elses piss or any synthetic bullshit. You might as well just give up the smoking once you're in the military, you'll get tested quite a bit throughout your career.

Have fun with it

Edited by keelo, 30 January 2009 - 10:08 AM.
left out some shit.

Okay, first off... You're wasting a lot of your time. I served in the Marine Corps for quite a while and here's some pointers for you:

1) you must wait at least a month, it's okay to tell your recruiter that you have smoked ( don't lie to him about that one thing.. they don't care, they just want you in) .. this way they will drug test you in the recruiter office until you pass before sending you to MEPS, where you really don't want to fail a drug test.

2) Blood test is only used for HIV testing at MEPS, no drug test is done on hair.

3) As everyone knows it's going to take most likely 30-45 days for your urine to test clear of THC, the only variance in this is based on how fat you are as THC is stored in fat, and of course drinking more water and some vitamin C will help it clear just a tad faster.

4) They do not take a saliva sample.. For anything. The most they look in your mouth for is dental related shit, and to make sure you still have your tonsils if you stated you've had no surgeries.

How MEPS usually works:

you arrive and take your asvab at night.
you wake up at 4.30, eat, head back to meps.
you arrive for your physical.
you get your blood pressure taken.
you take your piss test.
they draw blood to check for HIV, and place your DNA on file (that's right, it's part of the contract).
you go back in to a cold ass room.
you strip down to your underwear.
you fall to your knees and stand back up on your feet without any help from your hands and your toes must continue to touch the floor at all times.
you do a duck walk forward and back.
you have height/weight check done.
you get your balls and asshole checked out.
you do hearing/eye exam.
you take care of any special exames (airborne, 18X-SF, etc..)

You may end up taking a personality test, but only if you have criminal record or you have a GED instead of a HS Diploma.

you will meet with a counselor if you've made it this far, decide a job, hear your bonus info etc, sign your life away in a contract, and set up a ship out date, and do a bullshit swear in for show.

you go home *unless you ship out that day*

you return to meps to ship out.
you sit all day and end up with a plane ticket, a real swear in, FBI NCIS full scans and entry. DNA, Finger Prints, Facials, etc are all entered into the FBI database.
You officially sign away a piece of your life, and sign a paper saying who's gonna get your military life insurance when you get fucking shot.
you then get on a plane, prolly at least one more if not 2, end up at basic training, and start hell.

Oh yeah, and there's always some creepy faggot watching your piss.. and he does stare at your dick pretty hard, you're not getting by with anyone elses piss or any synthetic bullshit. You might as well just give up the smoking once you're in the military, you'll get tested quite a bit throughout your career.

Have fun with it

Thats my baby ;]

I know this thread is a little out dated, but I thought I would share my input. I'm in the military (reserves) and I've been passing my UA's for the past 4 years. Most tests I've taken are (at the shortest) 2 days from smoking. I'm 160 lbs 5'10" and hansom. The only way I've done this is by taking approximately 1200mg of Ibuprofen about 2-4 hours before the test.
Ibuprofen in larger doses will confuse both the EMIT test and the MC/MG test.
I wasn't sure if it was my metabolism cleaning me out fast but after doing the research I found out that the Ibuprofen method works and has been for my whole military career.

Oh, and I'm a HEAVY smoker. Nothing but danks.
I seriously don't even bother with bud that has seeds in it. (That's just a personal preference, but my point is the bud I get is high quality, seedless and potent; yet I still pass all my tests)