when nothing in life can go right

[SendThePainBelo]

My entire life has been a complete fucking waste. I grew up with a happy childhood until I was 13 when my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer, because of this my father began to drink heavily. It was when I was 14 that I was first introduced to heroine, upon first hit, it was like, perfect. My life was perfect when I did heroine, I didn't have to worry about my mothers cancer, my fathers alcoholism, it was my escape.... By the time I was 16 I was a fiend that would steal anything, do anything for my fix. On my 17th birthday my father left without a word leaving my mother and I alone with no one else in the world.

By the time I hit 19 I was on the streets, a certified junkie, life was meaningless unless I was high, I stopped speaking with my mother, leaving her alone, after being re-diagnosed with cancer a year after she had been told it was gone. To this day, this is the one thing I wish I could go back and make right.

When I was 20 I had an epiphany with god and did everything I could to get help, wanting to surprise my mother being clean with a job and a somewhat normal life. It took me 9 months to kick the habit in which I feel will be the greatest thing I have ever overcame in my entire life.

It was not even 24 hours ago that I had found out my mother had died, and worst off, she fucking died alone. no one was beside her as she breathed her last breath.

I tried for hours and finally was able to cry, and with this, I cried for almost 2 hours straight, it released the pain. Im struggling hard, but I cannot go back to heroine. I was robbed my life savings (5700) and with nothing but my own life, I am about to leave for california.

Heroine has completely ruined my life, and I am an absolute selfish mother fucker.... You dont understand how much it will ruin your life, please stay away from it. I claimed everything I had in life, almost claiming my own (2 overdoses).

It seems like a horrible dream, but it is not.

The reason I came to this forum was not to scare any of you, just to somewhat share an experience that some may understand. Ive always browsed the thread, just never posted until now.

I dont want any pity, please.

[Macka Splaff]

good luck out in cali man, just stay out of trouble and im sure youll be fine, best of luck

[WookiesAreCool]

Well, at least you came around sometime. People make mistakes, and I can tell you that I have taken people for granted too, I have made those mistakes, but you can't take it back. All you can do is look forward, how would you want your mother to see you from heaven? Live life like that, you have surived a lot and it seems you have a lot of fight in you. Now turn that anger and fear into something positive, painting, whatever will help you let out the anger and move on and continue to turn your life around.

[TwoLOUD]

My life is fucked just like yours..was happy as a kid/teen. Grew up into one unhappy fuck.

Thats one thing I wont give is pity. I hate when people play the pity game with me. Its my path, my wrong doings, I have to live with my fuckups. I cant say Ive done heroine or od'ed but theres plenty of other things. Im still close to saying fuck it and end it. Lifes just to much for me sometimes..plus having noone on your side never helps.

Hang in there man..even tho me sometimes I dont want to hang in there. Good luck!

[blueKush]

Shack the hatas off playa. ..it'll get greata lata. if you ask me it has to be "the way society is setup in the united states" b/c other ppl in other countries deal with way far worse shit than we do. its the picture thats painted for us, but once you rip that fuckin painting down then you'll be able to see the light.

[dmeyer07]

Sorry to hear that man, but shit will get better, just keep moving forward! I take a few people for granted (SP?) too and i feel bad bout that but yea.. just stay clean from heroin and you'll be aight.

-Dave

[DeLuX]

Damn dude, that's rough. Although I can't relate to much of that, I know what it's like to have an alcoholic parent run out on you. All I can really say is hang in there, life always seems to work out for the best. Your mom would be proud of you dude, for coming this far. You seem to have your feet in the ground, and you're working hard. Keep doing right by your mom, alive or not. You'll be happy you did.

Fuck dude, if you ever want to shoot the shit, my AIM is PCB PUNK.

[Key2gb]

the best of luck man...

a new beginning can do wonders...just getting away from the atmosphere you grew up around can alter you in ways unimaginable...going out to Cali will help a lot, and the Sun is always a great mood lifter...i'm glad you've found a path you want to stick to

[Dank0ne]

“Hold your head high, stick your chest out. You can make it. It gets dark sometimes, but morning comes. Keep hope alive.”

Jesse Jackson