Good Morning...now wish me luck!

[TheHempress]

I might not be here much over the weekend (I'll explain), so I just wanted to have a goodbye/nervous rant/catching up thread in case I can't make it in here much...maybe even after the weekend too!

A lot of crazy stuff has been going on lately. For the past 3 weeks I have been trying to get a new job, b/c that waitress thing was *not* cutting it! My mom told me that if I hadn't found a job by the time my dad goes back to FL next week I would be kicked out. Since I would have no place to go, that would mean a last minute move from PA to FL...with no planning and 5 days to say goodbye to everything about PA I know and love....let's just say that was not looking like a good option! I was getting very worried, but that's ok now! I got a job at Hess and I start Monday....$7.50/hr FT with benefits, 2nd and 3rd shifts I would have preferred all 3rd shift, but I can't complain. So that's how things are going in that department.

My friend Nic also got a job. So what we're going to do is get an apartment together. He'll pay for the apartment, and I'll take care of getting a car and growing weed. (I plan on growing for profit) Hopefully, we should have a place by the beginning of June.....I'm hoping sooner, but I don't want to get my hopes up and then get depressed when they don't pull through.

Now here's why I'm nervous:

After I post this, I'm probably going to go to bed...as soon as I wake up, my family and I are leaving for Philly to pick up my dad from the airport. We haven't seen our dad in 7 years.

I'm worried I won't be good enough for him...but when I think of things like that, I think about how my father acted when he lived with us. He used to beat my mom, and lock me and my brother in closets when we were bad. I mean, I'm sure he's not the same person he was before...but who is he to judge me? All the same, I still wonder if I'll be good enough...if I'll be what he expected me to be.

I'm also afraid that I haven't forgiven him yet. For all the birthdays and Christmases he's missed....all the milestones in my life...my 13th birthday, getting my license, getting my first car, graduating from high school, turning 18....all the important things he has ignored. For treating my brother better than me because he's a boy.

I guess I'll see how things go, b/c we sure have a lot to catch up on. And I'm going to be doing a lot of soul-searching this weekend...who knows, maybe I'll be a different person after all of this!

Well, wish me luck....I'll sure be thinking of all of you on 4/20...I hope everyone here has an awesome holiday weekend!

[InferiorWang]

It sounds like he was having problems before. I can tell you that he loves you as any parent does for their child. What matters is not whether you are good enough for him, but whether he got his life together. Treating people that way is just plain wrong and he doesn't deserve you. You should still forgive him because he is your dad, but don't think everything will be instantly better. Good Luck!!!

[smokin&tokin]

good luck hempress, and I hope that you can forgive your dad, and that he is a better father for you now, when he comes home... I would be nervous too. And I hope that you and your friend Nic, have a great time getting an apartment together, and hope u are successful with your new job, and growing bud..... good luck!, and remember to always smile

[Bud Head]

Good luck!!!


I have met you and I say if he thinks you are not good enough then you need to consider he may not be good enough either.


I think you are a sweet person with a great personality! Don't let anyone sya or make you believe that you are any less. Some people are not compatable no matter how they are connected!


Be yourself and enjoy the moments of reuniting.. If he is still an asshole, then that is his problem!!


Take care and the best of luck to ya!!!!!

BH

[sensimil]

Originally posted by TheHempress

My
I'm worried I won't be good enough for him...but when I think of things like that, I think about how my father acted when he lived with us. He used to beat my mom, and lock me and my brother in closets when we were bad. I mean, I'm sure he's not the same person he was before...but who is he to judge me? All the same, I still wonder if I'll be good enough...if I'll be what he expected me to be.

I'm also afraid that I haven't forgiven him yet. For all the birthdays and Christmases he's missed....all the milestones in my life...my 13th birthday, getting my license, getting my first car, graduating from high school, turning 18....all the important things he has ignored. For treating my brother better than me because he's a boy.

I guess I'll see how things go, b/c we sure have a lot to catch up on. And I'm going to be doing a lot of soul-searching this weekend...who knows, maybe I'll be a different person after all of this!
weekend!

Yo hempress~dont you even worry about being good enough. you already are. you dont need to prove that to anyone! I would just go into in with a clear open head..I kind of wonder why after 7 years, what sparked this meeting..just curious myself I guess, but anyway, good luck with the dad thing. the best you can do is just be your true self. I love what BH said, if he thinks you are not good enough then you need to consider he may not be good enough either. thats great advice. and it sounds like you got a good job lined up! good luck, make sure you fill us in!

[IceCreamKidd]

Good luck girl.


ick

[ReformMaryJaneLaws]

Hempress, I can tell just from the City that you're a good person. The only person that you need to be good enough for is you and others can either accept you for who you are or miss out on all you have to offer.

If anyone did need to worry about what another thought of them, then it should be your father. He should be the one on edge and nervous, not you. You don't owe him anything, not forgiveness or love and you don't need to make anything up to him. He owes you, though. Children get robbed of their childhoods when parents act selfishly and subject those around them to that kind of abuse. I hate that you had to endure that. Hopefully, he is a very different person now.

Just hold your head up high and be yourself. That's all that anyone can do.




I'm glad you found another job. I hope that you'll be happy there. If you and Nic move in together and start your "business," don't post details about where you live and stuff here and don't let other people know about it. You have to be very careful and very quiet. Also, don't do business out of your home. EVER! People going in and out at different hours of the day will only raise suspicion.


Enjoy your weekend! I hope that things go well and that when you come back to us, you have wonderful things to say. Just keep in mind that we are all here for you whether you are happy or sad!

[TooSicKs]

You'll need all the luck you can get and more in florida, that place sucks ass, and is a daily ratrace for survival, you should reconsider going to florida, i wouldn't wish that horrific fate on anyone, I lived there for 15 years and finally i was tired of getting bitten by insects, shot at by gangtstas, and pistol whipped, beat down, and generally fucked over by cops.

$7.50 an hr isn't a lot in florida, i was making more that that and still barely surviving. if you live in florida you're either ballin wit the pimp-style bling bling, or you live in the ghetto, poor, miserable, and oppressed. Florida is flat, the sun shines everyday nonstop it's hot humid, sticky, sweaty, smelly and disgusting. There's no nature anymore there, it's all burnt out and turned into stucco ghettos, it's a real shithole. When i first lived there i lived in a place with dirt roads, farmland all around my neoghborhood, and last time i went back to my old hood after being away for 5 years i found m house in the middle of the shizzle, shadowed by skyscrapera and all kinds of thugged out hardcore.

Florida ityself is bad karma and no maount of trying to succeed down there will get you out of it's black hole of misery. You seem like too nice of a person to be in florida, and to compete with the army of blind idiot assholes that have colonized this fucked up place.

The best thing i ever did, the only smart thing i ever did is get out of florida. If i didn't leave i'd be dead by now, whether i odffed myself cause i want the pain to go away, or the heat, humidity, and daily sickness i had would k9ill me first.

It really truly makes me sad tho that you are going to florida, because something bad's gonna happen down there soon, i can feel it, like bad mojo, negative energy. I'm trying to talk my family into moving out of FL before the shit hits the fan.


I'm sorry if it seems i'm being negative, but in my 15 years og living all over florida, working in every industry imaginable, dealing with everyone, i have experience and nothing good has ever come from florida.

It's hell, only worse.

[TheHempress]

Thanks everybody....I'm getting ready to go pick him up now....I'm so nervous.

[TooSicKs]

Smoke a big fatty with your dad and make the best of it, no matter what happens you still only have one dad.

Good luck, and if you decide you want to get away for a while, you can come out and visit me in one of the most beautiful places on the planet. I have compassion for florida refugees.

Peace

[bud stuffer]

GOOD LUCK HEMPRESS oh shit sorry about the caps, guess you heard me though. i hope everything goes well for you.


speaking of florida, have the dingusus been around since they moved back? i like those folks.

[MSMJ]

Hempress, I do hope all goes well for you. Do stop by the city and visit. Yeah, does anyone know if the Dingusus are ok?

[highawatha]

im not going to just wish you luck, instead i mailed ya a big hug and the strenght to geth thru this,. theres NO question whether your good enough.
i hope you have a nice visit

peace

[TheHempress]

Things are going ok...he's not listing my shortcomings like I thought he would...we've been getting along well. He met some of my friends so far, and things are looking good. We tried to smoke a joint of mids today, but it's been so long since he's smoked he got high on half of it and wanted to save the rest for later! Hehe We'll get plenty high when my connection gets off of work...whoopie!

On another note, I think he and my mom might be reconcilling....I'm not sure how I feel about that.

[TheHempress]

But I wanted to tell you how my weekend was:

I realized, I don't like my dad...and I probably never will. I like having just a mom. I don't want a father in my life. He's annoying, he kept on making me smoke weed in the house <-for those of you who may wonder why I'm complaining....I was getting in trouble for it! My mom wouldn't yell at him for it, but she sure yelled at me! I didn't want to smoke weed in the house while my mom was there...I wasn't comfortable with it. And no matter how many times I told him, he wasn't getting it. Why couldn't we have smoked outside, like I wanted to?

Anyway--back to the story--

Friday he was supposed to hang out with me and my friends, all day....it only lasted half an hour. He ditched me. So I proceeded to ditch him all weekend; I stayed out until 4am most nights, slept all day, and went to work so I was home and awake as little as possible. I just did not want to be around him.

But yeah, that's how things went....a lot of other stuff happened too, but it's too good to put in a depressing post like this one