i feel like i cant control my life right now. shits outta hand

[highinhouston]

right now man, shits fucked up. im an ex slanger and i wanna be outta this shit. mods this is something i used to do because starting tonight i wanna be done with this..heres how it is. rarely do i let out shit this deep to me so please dont tare me down too hard, i just took some lorcets so im feelin like getting this off my chest. i know you guys dont know me and allota you newer members are wondering who the fuck i am, well hello, nice to meet you.

im straight addicted to my lifestyle, money and drugs are the 2 things i enjoy most in life. i know people will tell you till your ears bleed its a stupid decision, but in a way it doesnt even feel wrong. then some nights you sit back and think man what the fuck went wrong with my life. man its not even im addicted to drugs and need to support a habit, i dont even smoke bud anymore(i wish man i do) but i just get a rush outta this shit. its fuckin stupid, i have no record yet but im goin to court for a misdemeanor charge in 2 months and man im just dwellin right now. my homie tried to do a beer run(didnt tell me in advance) and was runnin out to my ride, already had a security guard behind my car, and i was riding ridiculously dirty. i turned my car off and got out and was like GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY CAR MAN! yellin n shit. the cops came and didnt arrest me and said i did the right thing, the security guard gave a witness statement on my behalf saying i wanted nothing to do with it, yet still the cop ticketed me. wtf man. now i gotta pay for a lawyer and thats expensive, this is my future im talkin abouit im not messin around. i know if i get a theft charge on my record its over man, none good will wanna hire me (even if its a misdemeanor, theft is one of the things employers really dont like)and ill be stuck doing dead end jobs, which i wont do man ill get back in the life


heres the thing though, im 18 alright, and im graduating this year. i have good grades and already have the school of my choice interested in me because of my sat scores and i aced the interview, they even asked me to apply for early admission. i still live at home n shit and i know its disrespectful but it seems everytime i try to leave the life i cant man. i wanna just leave this place but i cant, its the only way. people are always calling me and it just brings me back in. its so appealing because of the money and i have no heat and am able to control the market since the only pill mad in my tow went to college theirs a void in the pill game n shit. man i gotta bright future n this shit is like a fuckin train wreck. i just know all it takes is 1 felony sand my life is done ill be in this forever. my parents wont want anything to do with me and ill be out with a shit job for the rest of my life. it drives me crazy. im a stupid fucking teenager with some bullshit immortal feeling, but at the same time i know im very not.

so do you guys have any advice for me? what can i fill my time with? how can i leave this lifestyle, its so damn hard man. i need something good to do to just seperate myself with almost everyone i know right now, basically be a loner for my entire senior year. when everyone thats cool at school knows u as your job minus your close friends man. damn. does anyone from gc live in the city of boston and could take in a scrawny smart white kid so i can get the fuck outta this place. i swear im trustworthy n ive never done any hard drugs except for codeine. please man i gotta leave. ill be outta your place within a year to go to college in the dorms. there is nothing in texas, nothing but drugs. all i wanna do is get into suffolk and start m new life away from texas and everyone here, where none from texas will be able to call me or anything. all houston is for people like me is hustletown. i have plans for my life, i really want to be a lawyer and become a politician(yeah laugh) but im fucking dedicated to achieving my goals. thats what has got me so deep into this is i give my fuckin all, its just i have to be truely dedicated and want to do something.
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this might be one of my first immature posts mods and im sorry for breakin the rules, but i am 18 i swear ('88) ive been here for awhile just carryin on and i feel like im a part of the community here and though ive been absent alot lately ive been havin some hard times in my life, mainly inside of my head ive been doing alot of reflecting.. im not crazy but i wanna straight smack myself and ask what the fuck im doing with my life. please dont ban me,, guys please. im legal now, the past is the past.

/emo shit if you read that you're a fuckin champ in my book

btw, i know theres much much more serious problem one can have with life,im not saying this is like ultra hardcore worst thing that could happen to me. this is just my life right now.

[Blackmaster]

I'm not even gonna give you 10% of my energy cause it does'nt even deserve five.

Stop running from your problems and face them head on.....END

If I was too give you a deadly sin it would be greed,pills are evil stop taking them,any advice after this is null and void......That's all man......

[highinhouston]

man i very rarely take pills, dont treat me like a pos because i occasionally(under 1 time a week, its rare) use opiates to relax. how to face my problems is what im asking. im stuck in my bubble of a city and cant leave for a year unless i go out on my own. the only way i see out is isolation.

[snowyz42]

Well atleast your aware of the problem and are thinking of solutions.

Seems like all you got left to do.... is do.

[Invictis]

I know exactly how you feel bro, i went through the same situation all during this summer. all throughout highschool i was just kinda a quiet kid, and senior year i started hangin out with a lot of drug dealers(my homeboys would buy HPs and 300+pills at a time) and we came so close to getting caught so many damn times. i kept telling myself 'fuck these kids, i need to get out of this lifestyle' cuz i could tell that everyone i chilled with isnt going anywhere in life. but the 'thug' life was too much to get out of, i was in too deep already i couldnt just tell everyone 'sorry patnas, i dont want to be involved with you guys anymore', shit wouldnt fly. just hang in there man, stop slanging, i know how hard it can be, but just get a job or some shit and survive through your last year of HS. college is a lot different and better man, take it from me i lived the same lifestyle as you, lived in the same damn city as a matter of fact. stay up bro.

[highinhouston]

^wow, thanks man. nice to know other have made it through this shit. how did you get out of the game from bigtimer to bigtimer.(well kinda bigtymers, thats more then most will ever see in thier life,let alone every few days)

[Invictis]

i just left for college in august dawg, left everyone behind pretty much. it was hard at first, but a good majority of my homies were fake. im glad im out of it though, it was stressful as fuck and wasnt worth it. my main homeboy that was pushing got arrested a few weeks ago for the 4th time actually and did some time, i was on a 1 way road to jail or worse. we always rid around with a fully loaded automatic sks(stupid as fuck), im just glad to be out of that life, although i do miss the rush from time to time.

[highinhouston]

yeah man. when you get big idk i started scaring myself. after i was drivin down 1-45 with enough shit to get me in jail for over a year idk, i started to reflect on my life. its just a massive rush though,southern life is perfect for my line of work

congrats on makin it out man, where you goin to college at?

[Invictis]

UTSA(university of texas @ san antonio) pretty much the only school i could get into with my shitty ass gpa, its all good though. hopefully ill transfer to austin in a year or two. and yeah, swim riding around with 300 pills+HP+loaded SKS = lots of jail time, especially when you're riding dirty 4 or 5 deep you know if you get pulled over your fucked, texas pigs arent exactly nice haha.

[Timboman]

Firstly i don't live in the states.

It seems to me you smoke too much or took too much pills.
I sense alot of paranoia and anxiety in what you wrote.
Plus alot of ranting. . . but that is just being 18

Have you got a part time job?
Can you get one?

Do you play a sport?
Do you like Sport?

If it's the excitment of doing dodgy things is what you like , maybe catching snakes (i take it you have them in Texas) would sort that nervous energy out.

You have got a year to make do before college. . . my sugesstion is use it wisely.

[RuseOfMetacarpi]

Take it from someone who's experienced exactly what you're trying to avoid (possession w/ intent + whatever random conspiracy charges and shit that DA wants to throw at me) without much to lose. I never wanted to go to college, just wanted to work at applebee's and do what I like to do. But me and my friend had been slangin' for so long, you get so immune and desensitized to the risks, so a guy calls you up for a half pound and you get all on your own dick, assuming damn, I'm hot shit if random people are callin' me for weight. And you're so blinded you go ahead and do it, you're the wheelman, riding the streets at night with that weight, meeting all kinds of people, droppin the hot lingo and knowing that a large percentage of the ladies get off on the same rush that you do. It's worse than a drug.

but like I was saying, just stop before you have no choice. I had practically nothing to lose and it sucks so much even with that in mind. You've got your foot in the door here to something I never had the brains to get for myself, don't fuck it up.

(like all posts on this subject, law enforcement presumably assumes that all information herein is fictional)

[alwayzblaze]

highinhouston im in the exact situation..i was moving mad weight and all i did was smoke all day and party. i started with ounces then got a qp, hp, p and even moved my way up to 2 lbs. i got caught by my parents with 38 grams a scale glass peice and baggies. i really need to stop that lifestyle and so do you.

[head4life]

sup man comign from texas I know how you feel I started off small smoking alittle weed and drinking now every day im smoking weed cigs doign pills even done coke and E ried meth before and I am telling you its something with texas this state is just full of drugs and bad influences for me I must say


We all have goals in life My goal was to get rich and have a bunch of cars and money and selling drugs was a way for me to get that faster then going to college and getting a good job im only 18 also but I feel like I cant leavethis man its there and always will be always drugs always watching for cops always having homeys get arrested been arrested not what I want to do but when I try to stop doing what im doing it just doesnt happen im addicted to the lifestyle and so are you

by reading what you have to say I say you have 2 options keep doing what your doing and pray for the best or stop it all go to college be what you want to be and smoke alittle weed and nothing else and stop the hustler lifestyle

it is hard to do I myself think I never will seeing my dad sell meth weed pills whatever growing up makes me think im doomed for that but were not you can do anything you set your mind to and so can I and so can all of us

im rollin on E hardcore right now and your post just got me thinking man this post might not even make much fuckin sense but you know what fuck it

[SuicidalSpaz]

As a couple above stated, You've found the problem and sought solutions. All you gotta do is act on them. And yes, I know it sounds easier than actually going through with them. But, life will generally get better, but only when you make an effort.

This has helped me in the past, whether or not you're religious:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

[highinhouston]

timboman it would appear you dont understand the situation i am in in my life, or that of someone at a certain point in "the game" man. we are not like you atm. we need drug dealer rehab lol,catching snakes is definantly not gonna do shit hahahah. i do have a part time job though.


wow, it seems like there is alot of us stuck in this similiar situation, unfortunantly our situation has very dire consequences if it turns out wrong. i wish all of us best of luck in beating this shit

so i thought about it last night and the only real way i see of getting out of this is spending all my money,since im trapped in my current area for a year.my fellow slangers kow the probable outcome for this situation. oh god.

so i ordered a nice new skateboard lol, tomorrow im gonna go to the car shop i went to to get my tint done and i guess ill get a screen rims subs the whole shebang(pretty much ruining my whole "im saving this for later in life when im in need idea"). any idea on what to do with alittle more cash $?

Originally Posted by RuseOfMetacarpi

Take it from someone who's experienced exactly what you're trying to avoid (possession w/ intent + whatever random conspiracy charges and shit that DA wants to throw at me) without much to lose. I never wanted to go to college, just wanted to work at applebee's and do what I like to do. But me and my friend had been slangin' for so long, you get so immune and desensitized to the risks, so a guy calls you up for a half pound and you get all on your own dick, assuming damn, I'm hot shit if random people are callin' me for weight. And you're so blinded you go ahead and do it, you're the wheelman, riding the streets at night with that weight, meeting all kinds of people, droppin the hot lingo and knowing that a large percentage of the ladies get off on the same rush that you do. It's worse than a drug.

but like I was saying, just stop before you have no choice. I had practically nothing to lose and it sucks so much even with that in mind. You've got your foot in the door here to something I never had the brains to get for myself, don't fuck it up.

(like all posts on this subject, law enforcement presumably assumes that all information herein is fictional)

shit ruse man did you beat the charges? if theyre still peding seriously best of luck man, and hopefully your out of the game now.if not then uhhh...well im sure you have heat so stopping would be a good idea. thanks for you post though, gave me something to think hard about.

Originally Posted by alwayzblaze

highinhouston im in the exact situation..i was moving mad weight and all i did was smoke all day and party. i started with ounces then got a qp, hp, p and even moved my way up to 2 lbs. i got caught by my parents with 38 grams a scale glass peice and baggies. i really need to stop that lifestyle and so do you.

yeah man, what do you think would enable you to stop right now. scheme on the ways that you could dissapear from the game as hard of a thought that is. i wish you so much luck man, this is somethin that is pretty important in our lives and can affect the entire rest of them.

Originally Posted by head4life

sup man comign from texas I know how you feel I started off small smoking alittle weed and drinking now every day im smoking weed cigs doign pills even done coke and E ried meth before and I am telling you its something with texas this state is just full of drugs and bad influences for me I must say


We all have goals in life My goal was to get rich and have a bunch of cars and money and selling drugs was a way for me to get that faster then going to college and getting a good job im only 18 also but I feel like I cant leavethis man its there and always will be always drugs always watching for cops always having homeys get arrested been arrested not what I want to do but when I try to stop doing what im doing it just doesnt happen im addicted to the lifestyle and so are you

by reading what you have to say I say you have 2 options keep doing what your doing and pray for the best or stop it all go to college be what you want to be and smoke alittle weed and nothing else and stop the hustler lifestyle

it is hard to do I myself think I never will seeing my dad sell meth weed pills whatever growing up makes me think im doomed for that but were not you can do anything you set your mind to and so can I and so can all of us

im rollin on E hardcore right now and your post just got me thinking man this post might not even make much fuckin sense but you know what fuck it

shit man your situation sounds pretty tough. youre really really gonna have to want to get out of that situation and turn your hustle legit. man and from my experience praying for the best dont get you shit


hopefully none i know irl is readin this(pretty porbably they are, fuck it i guess man) but ive been lyin to em abit i guess about how deep in the pill game i was. its cool thoughnot lke lyin about how much shit im holding is a big deal lol. but yeah much deeper into pills than bud thats forshure. buds all done man.

and to the cops reading this, fuck off, all these posts are entirely false and fictional, mad for entertainment purposes only.