smoking and usage

IGotTheCottons · #1 (**permalink**) 02-01-2003, 05:47 AM

ok. i got this in an e-mail few years back... i don't think i've ever laughed so hard in my entire life...

Monkeys

I like monkeys.
The pet store was selling them for five cents a piece.
I thought this was odd since they are normally a couple thousand a piece.
I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth, so I bought 200 of them.
I like monkeys.
I took my 200 monkeys home.
I have a big car.
I let one of them drive.
His name was Sigmund.
He was retarded.
In fact, none of them were really bright.
They kept punching themselves in the genitals.
I laughed.
They punched me in the genitals.
I stopped laughing.
When I got home, I herded them into my room.
They didn't adapt very well to their new environment.
They would screech and hurl themselves off the couch at high speeds and slam into the wall.
Although humorous at first, the spectacle lost its novelty halfway into its third hour.
Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive.
They all died.
No apparent reason.
They all just sort of dropped dead.
Kind of like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later.
Stupid cheap monkeys.
I didn't know what to do.
There were 200 dead monkeys lying all over my room.
On the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase.
It looked like I had 200 throw rugs.
I tried to flush one down the toilet.
It didn't work.
It got stuck.
Then I had one dead, wet monkey and one hundred ninety-nine dead, dry monkeys.
I tried to pretend that they were just stuffed animals.
That worked for awhile, that is, until they began to decompose.
It started to smell real bad.
I had to pee but there was a dead monkey in my toilet and I didn't want to call a plumber.
I was embarrassed.
I tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them.
Unfortunately there was only enough room for two at a time.
So I had to change them every 30 seconds.
I also had to eat all the food in the freezer so it didn't go bad.
I tried to burn them, but little did I know that my bed was flammable.
I had to extinguish the fire.
Then I had one dead, wet monkey in my toilet.
Two dead, frozen monkeys in my freezer.
And one hundred ninety-seven dead, charred monkeys in a pile on my bed.
The odor wasn't improving.
I became agitated at my inability to dispose of the dead monkeys and I really had to use the bathroom.
So I went and severely beat one of the monkeys.
I felt better.
I tried throwing them away.
But the garbage man said the city was not allowed to dispose of charred primates.
I told him I had a wet one.
He couldn't take it either.
I didn't bother asking about the frozen ones.
I finally arrived at a solution.
I gave them out as Christmas gifts.
My friends didn't quite know what to say.
They pretended to like them, but I could tell they were lying.
Ingrates.
So I punched them in the genitals.
God, I like monkeys.

ReformMaryJaneLaws · #2 (**permalink**) 02-01-2003, 05:56 AM

Are you having fun, Cottons????

Lapse · #3 (**permalink**) 02-01-2003, 06:12 AM

ROFLFAMO ?????

namron_420s · #4 (**permalink**) 02-01-2003, 07:04 AM

whaaaa???

*scratches head*

TheHempress · #5 (**permalink**) 02-01-2003, 07:08 AM

HAHAHAHA...hoo boy, that was great!

TheHempress · #6 (**permalink**) 02-01-2003, 01:53 PM

arghh, its so hard to find acid here....havent seen it around in 1 1/2 years....bummer

smokinokie · #7 (**permalink**) 02-01-2003, 02:15 PM

That is some sick, twisted, funny, stuff!

Bud Head · #8 (**permalink**) 02-01-2003, 02:36 PM

I'm glad i'm not a monkey!!

KraziHare · #9 (**permalink**) 02-01-2003, 03:25 PM

haha, I think I heard some guy on the radio say that whole thing a couple years ago, for some reason I think it was the 'bob and tom show'.

weedeater · #10 (**permalink**) 02-01-2003, 06:28 PM

that is really a wierd email

IGotTheCottons · #11 (**permalink**) 02-01-2003, 06:52 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by ZIA
i cant believe cottons could even type...or spell.

it wasn't easy... i just copied and pasted the monkey thing from a word document

IGotTheCottons · #12 (**permalink**) 02-01-2003, 06:54 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by TheHempress
arghh, its so hard to find acid here....havent seen it around in 1 1/2 years....bummer

yeah... this is the first time in over a year that it's been around here. it's springing up in a few of the bigger cities though... hopefully it's the beginning of a new trend. the stuff here's almost gone though. there's only 1 guy who has it.

Lapse · #13 (**permalink**) 02-01-2003, 07:27 PM

Souths always dry for acid [Im in Florida]

We had an 'acid team' down here like six months ago. The guy was like well were in conneticit, and I get paid to come down here and sell the sheets. And I'm like... Uhm... Cool. He was sellin it two dollars a piece [?????] I didnt buy none though

Little Wing · #14 (**permalink**) 02-01-2003, 08:09 PM

From connecticut? I'm from connecticut, and I want acid. Mushrooms are good too though.

sensimil · #15 (**permalink**) 02-02-2003, 01:15 AM

thats great stuff

silly monkeys. ha!

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#1 (permalink) 02-01-2003, 05:47 AM
IGotTheCottons I'm a motherfuckin RAVER! Join Date: May 2002 Location: The edge of sanity Posts: 11,782 Blog Entries: 2	yeah... some guy bought a shit load of monkeys... and guess what... they died LOL ok. i got this in an e-mail few years back... i don't think i've ever laughed so hard in my entire life... Monkeys I like monkeys. The pet store was selling them for five cents a piece. I thought this was odd since they are normally a couple thousand a piece. I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth, so I bought 200 of them. I like monkeys. I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one of them drive. His name was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really bright. They kept punching themselves in the genitals. I laughed. They punched me in the genitals. I stopped laughing. When I got home, I herded them into my room. They didn't adapt very well to their new environment. They would screech and hurl themselves off the couch at high speeds and slam into the wall. Although humorous at first, the spectacle lost its novelty halfway into its third hour. Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive. They all died. No apparent reason. They all just sort of dropped dead. Kind of like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later. Stupid cheap monkeys. I didn't know what to do. There were 200 dead monkeys lying all over my room. On the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase. It looked like I had 200 throw rugs. I tried to flush one down the toilet. It didn't work. It got stuck. Then I had one dead, wet monkey and one hundred ninety-nine dead, dry monkeys. I tried to pretend that they were just stuffed animals. That worked for awhile, that is, until they began to decompose. It started to smell real bad. I had to pee but there was a dead monkey in my toilet and I didn't want to call a plumber. I was embarrassed. I tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them. Unfortunately there was only enough room for two at a time. So I had to change them every 30 seconds. I also had to eat all the food in the freezer so it didn't go bad. I tried to burn them, but little did I know that my bed was flammable. I had to extinguish the fire. Then I had one dead, wet monkey in my toilet. Two dead, frozen monkeys in my freezer. And one hundred ninety-seven dead, charred monkeys in a pile on my bed. The odor wasn't improving. I became agitated at my inability to dispose of the dead monkeys and I really had to use the bathroom. So I went and severely beat one of the monkeys. I felt better. I tried throwing them away. But the garbage man said the city was not allowed to dispose of charred primates. I told him I had a wet one. He couldn't take it either. I didn't bother asking about the frozen ones. I finally arrived at a solution. I gave them out as Christmas gifts. My friends didn't quite know what to say. They pretended to like them, but I could tell they were lying. Ingrates. So I punched them in the genitals. God, I like monkeys. __________________ Yesterday is not ours to recover but tomorrow is ours to win or lose. - Lyndon B Johnson Sickboy: And to OP, When it comes to dating the only person you can trust 100% is yourself. holyrollers: Soooo.. you're saying he should date himself? Asexual ftw?

#2 (permalink) 02-01-2003, 05:56 AM
ReformMaryJaneLaws RMJL-Forum Administrator Join Date: Feb 2001 Posts: 17,557	Fuckin' Monkeys! Are you having fun, Cottons???? __________________ RMJL GC Rules

#3 (permalink) 02-01-2003, 06:12 AM
Lapse Chief Relapse Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 393	ROFLFAMO ?????

#4 (permalink) 02-01-2003, 07:04 AM
namron_420s Old School Stoner Join Date: Jun 2002 Posts: 5,341	whaaaa??? scratches head __________________ i stepped in a pile of dirtydingus while taking a big poppa puff of sensimil, got mad and went to reform mary jane laws, that didnt work so now igotthecottons, last night my neighbor caught me smokinokie so i chased that critter off, went inside, and rubbed my nubbin

#5 (permalink) 02-01-2003, 07:08 AM
TheHempress Adventure! Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: 4200 Super Mod Ln., Grasscity Pennsylvania, 17420 Posts: 11,340 Blog Entries: 4	HAHAHAHA...hoo boy, that was great! __________________ ♪♫ Swab, swabby swab! That's our job! ♪♫

#6 (permalink) 02-01-2003, 01:53 PM
TheHempress Adventure! Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: 4200 Super Mod Ln., Grasscity Pennsylvania, 17420 Posts: 11,340 Blog Entries: 4	arghh, its so hard to find acid here....havent seen it around in 1 1/2 years....bummer __________________ ♪♫ Swab, swabby swab! That's our job! ♪♫

#7 (permalink) 02-01-2003, 02:15 PM
smokinokie BaldHippeeRedneck Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Bewilderment near the State of Confusion Posts: 1,426	That is some sick, twisted, funny, stuff! __________________ There is no darkness, only an absence of light.

#8 (permalink) 02-01-2003, 02:36 PM
Bud Head Old School Stoner Join Date: Aug 2001 Posts: 10,834	I'm glad i'm not a monkey!! __________________ If you can't own a John Deere, just get out of farming..

#9 (permalink) 02-01-2003, 03:25 PM
KraziHare Likes Carrots Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Somewhere... probably Posts: 2,426	haha, I think I heard some guy on the radio say that whole thing a couple years ago, for some reason I think it was the 'bob and tom show'. __________________ Nonfamiliarity makes you scared to see the beauty in front of your eyes, you're thinking narrowly. Everything is an unpredictable occurrence if you've experienced everything except the purpose.

#13 (permalink) 02-01-2003, 07:27 PM
Lapse Chief Relapse Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 393	Souths always dry for acid [Im in Florida] We had an 'acid team' down here like six months ago. The guy was like well were in conneticit, and I get paid to come down here and sell the sheets. And I'm like... Uhm... Cool. He was sellin it two dollars a piece [?????] I didnt buy none though

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#14 (permalink) 02-01-2003, 08:09 PM
Little Wing Old School Stoner Join Date: Jun 2002 Posts: 1,339	From connecticut? I'm from connecticut, and I want acid. Mushrooms are good too though. __________________ "The years go fast, but the days go so slow"

#15 (permalink) 02-02-2003, 01:15 AM
sensimil Visit the World! Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: 2,914 miles from the jersey shore Posts: 7,109	thats great stuff silly monkeys. ha! __________________ Never walked so tall<br>until that moment when<br>fate and circumstance collide<br>