Short Story (want opinions)

Discussion in 'General' started by SomeRand, Oct 29, 2012.

  1. #1 SomeRand, Oct 29, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 1, 2012
    Writing a short story for 12th grade English. The central theme is the potential evil of man. Anyways I'm not entirely sure where I'm going with this story, I've just been getting high and writing pretty much. I've got some ideas that I'm trying to put on paper, I thought I'd post what I've written so far to get some opinions. Maybe you'll enjoy it.

    Constructive criticism is welcomed. Not really looking for plot holes though, it's a short story (3000-6000 words). The idea behind the plot is a man that suffers an amnesia attack wakes up in a scary chaotic urban world where the rich and poor are practically engaged in a civil war. Everyone is starving and angry. All the meanwhile the "men in power" are too busy earning money to notice anything. Anyways, here's the story --> http://pastebin.com/CDwyPEMs
    It's not done yet either.


    Edit: Finished the story --> http://pastebin.com/ssHjKkug
     
  2. Wait, isn't that reality?
     
  3. Great story bro i might have to steal this in a year or two lol
     
  4. Really? Thanks! Any suggestions on how I could improve it or how I could progress the story?
     
  5. Well i think there are a few grammatical errors but spellcheck will get rid of that and i think that if you're going to continue the story further that the conclusion should be a quote of the Homeless man saying “there’s not enough pity in this world to feed us all.”
     
  6. I'll have the man reflect upon those words as he dies on the street (ending). Grammatical errors are probably minor I'll iron those out later.
     
  7. Well make sure you post the final product when you're finished bro I really want to read it.
    Peace out i'm goin to hit the lazy bong i'll be checking back in about an hr bye dude :wave:
     
  8. The final product is a few days away probably. I'll post it since you're interested though. :smoke:
     
  9. edit: ohh shit, '09. cool..
    just posting to see what year i made this account...
     
  10. ok bro that's cool i look forward to seeing it. i think i just typed this wrong but thats probly cause i'm a lil too high haha New dealers rock! :smile: :Smoke:
     
  11. Just got home i'm gonna read it now
     

  12. 6 hours later... :smoking:
     
  13. lol i literally tried so hard to get to it but my stupid AP history class gave out 3 hrs of hw i had to do even though i wasn't there all week
     
  14. ok so i just finished it and it was pretty damn good bro what was your grade on this?
     
  15. I feel you bro, I've been there.. I don't know what I got on this yet, I'm expecting a decent score though.
     
  16. It better be that looks like it took some decent time out of your life bro.
     
  17. Yeah it was a little consuming but writing is fun. I would have had a better final product if I wasn't so busy while I was trying to write though. Sometimes you just need a peaceful mind to mull over how you're going to put your ideas on paper.
     
  18. yeah ik what you mean. although i disagree with the writing thing. I love reading if it interests me but writing has just never been my thing
     
  19. Just got this back, got a 92. Was pretty much what I expected although I thought I'd do a little better.
     

Share This Page