Finding my boyfriend's stash...
Posted 02-06-2008 at 07:50 PM by tea.mochi
So my boyfriend said he quit cigs, and sometimes he smokes, I let him if we're drunk and partying with friends, especially since it makes me look bad when I tell him not to. Anyway, a week or two ago he was smoking in the bathroom and I found out (I could smell it for christs sake) and he said it was his last one anyway.
I believed him.
Now, let me just warn all you guys with girls, especially girls who clean the house, DON'T try and hide anything from us.
I found a pack today, about half empty and pretty new looking (no dust or grime or anything on the pack, looks just bought.)
I must say that I feel very betrayed and lied to. I hate that he not only bought a pack, but has been smoking behind my back, and apparently he WANTS to quit smoking. I don't think I'm asking for much GC, I ask that he smokes only when absolutely neccessary, like when we're at a party and hes had a beer, I feel like (being an avid NON smoker (no offense but I've seen what it can do, and I love him too much for it to happen to him.)) thats a lot of leniency on my part.
I feel like he just gave me a big "fuck you", and not to sound like a total pussy, but it really hurts to see that not only does you significant other not respect you, but they don't respect themselves... and if they're lying about this, what else are they lying about?
I seriously wish I had some bud to smoke right now... T_T
I mean... its not that hard to ask right? I let him smoke pot and drink, take mushrooms, acid, whatever he wants, I just ask that he doesn't smoke a cigarette unless we're in one of those social situations... maybe I'm asking too much...
I believed him.
Now, let me just warn all you guys with girls, especially girls who clean the house, DON'T try and hide anything from us.
I found a pack today, about half empty and pretty new looking (no dust or grime or anything on the pack, looks just bought.)
I must say that I feel very betrayed and lied to. I hate that he not only bought a pack, but has been smoking behind my back, and apparently he WANTS to quit smoking. I don't think I'm asking for much GC, I ask that he smokes only when absolutely neccessary, like when we're at a party and hes had a beer, I feel like (being an avid NON smoker (no offense but I've seen what it can do, and I love him too much for it to happen to him.)) thats a lot of leniency on my part.
I feel like he just gave me a big "fuck you", and not to sound like a total pussy, but it really hurts to see that not only does you significant other not respect you, but they don't respect themselves... and if they're lying about this, what else are they lying about?
I seriously wish I had some bud to smoke right now... T_T
I mean... its not that hard to ask right? I let him smoke pot and drink, take mushrooms, acid, whatever he wants, I just ask that he doesn't smoke a cigarette unless we're in one of those social situations... maybe I'm asking too much...
Total Comments 10
Comments
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I've just discovered these blog things, so don't think I've just managed to stalk this shit out of you, but here are some of my thoughts.
He's not lying to you about anything else. He's scared, and doesn't want to upset you. Smoking is a really hard addiction to break. Of course he's going to sneak cigarettes. If it's really an issue for you, you need to have a good sit-down with him and talk about it. I hid my smoking from my girl for a long while, until one night she just up and said, "I know you still smoke." I was caught, and she was upset I had hid it from her. I just explained that it's tough. The fact that you don't get angry when he smokes in social situations is bad. In my experience, if you're going to quit, you have to do it up right, and completely. Besides, it's not something you should be angry about anyway. You need to be understanding. Start by encouraging him to slow down with the smoking. I know when I tried to quit once, it wasn't hard for me to go from a pack a day, eventually to four or five per day. That's a 75% decrease, and that's better than nothing. Just explain that you care about him, and you would really like him to start cutting back. Be kind, don't be angry. If you get angry with him, it's just going to push him away. |
Posted 02-07-2008 at 01:55 AM by Foniac
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ya have him cut back, dont say quit that may make it seem too rough. and remember he has to quit for himself, thats what i had to do, i hid it from my girlfriend and then finally i had to quit for myself cause it made me feel poopy. but ya just have him keep cutting back until theres no more to cut back on
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Posted 02-15-2008 at 06:03 AM by doobydoo420
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Well he originally wanted to quit for himself, which is why he quit in the first place, but he gets craving and such an didn't want to upset me.
We've agreed that he isn't allowed to smoke at the apartment (its a nonsmoking apartment anyway lol) but if we're at a social gathering of friends then he is allowed. I figure I can just let it be for now and just try and help him quit craving so much. |
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Posted 02-15-2008 at 06:06 PM by tea.mochi
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the issue isn't even the ciggs, its that he lied to you. He could've just as easily said no i'm not ready to quit. this guy has got some trust/honesty issues that you should probably work on if its a serious relationship. If its not serious, then who cares, i'm sure you'll find something to hide from him in the future too.
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Posted 03-06-2008 at 01:03 AM by Dr_GreenThumb
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Lol yeah thats true he did lie. But we've worked it out and set up boundaries (that he mostly suggested and/or agreed to) so he doesn't get tempted as much. We figure keeping it out of the house is a good first step, cause if you make an allowance for it to be in the house and not in certain situations (like parties at friend's houses) then its easier to make it a regular thing... o.0 I don't think that made sense but whatever. Either way we're doing good now and its not bad or anything.
Man.. this coffee needs to work faster. |
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Posted 03-06-2008 at 06:02 PM by tea.mochi
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im all for quitting smoking.
but you said, you let him do etc. thats kinda the wrong mentality to have. maybe just ask him if he needs help abstaining from nicotine? or if he is seriously interested in quitting or just doing it for you? |
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Posted 03-06-2008 at 08:49 PM by Cali Ounces
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he wants to quit, he quit before we started dating, but theres certain situations where he gets tempted the most, usually at parties.
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Posted 03-06-2008 at 08:52 PM by tea.mochi
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If its only at parties give him a break. He is merely being surrounded by other smokers and the temptation is being brought on. He probably doesnt smoke when its just you two correct? So you can see hes still trying his best and for who his girl.
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Posted 03-08-2008 at 10:05 AM by bctoker112
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Lol well yeah, I mention it in one of my comments, I was the one who suggested that boundary and he agreed to it.
I don't mind if its a party, but if its just cause hes having a random craving at home I don't think I should tolerate that cause I'm sure it would lead to more and more smoking at home, thats all. |
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Posted 03-08-2008 at 05:54 PM by tea.mochi
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i smoked 12 years, almost 2 packs a day until i quit. i tried to stop numerous times, and actually did a few times. but that cigarette is a means to an end, it's that little friend when there is nothing else, and when boredom strikes you always have that smoke to keep you occupied. when he really wants to quit he will, but nobody can force him or give ultimatums.
the body recycles every blood cell in 24hrs, so this means that all the addictive drugs from cigarette's are gone within 24hrs. i didn't believe this either, but it's true! it's in the mind, that is where the true addiction is. and until he realizes this and over comes it, he's not going to get away. cutting down doesn't do it either. the drugs and carcinogens are still there whether he smokes 1 or a pack. you can look up all these facts in a research project done by "Alan Carr." the only research into smoking that has not been paid for by a tobacco company, or research grant funded by a tobacco company. |
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Posted 03-18-2008 at 06:12 PM by jzchillin
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