i'm confused because she gave me the pills, knowing full well that i'm a light weight, and two would have some crazy effects. i used to think we had a mutual agreement that if anything weird happens on drugs, it would be ok when the effects have worn off, but apparently that is not the case any more.
dealing with a pregnant woman is the worst thing i've ever had to do. i don't understand. she is so indescribable right now and i have no possible plan for dealing with this. my personal life is almost at its worst point ever, and right now looking back on how depressed i was as a teenager to how i feel now, they're almost the same. all the times i thought about killing my self could have kept me from being in this situation now.

i feel trapped. like i'm in a cage, like the one i drew earlier. trapped in my own house that i can not get rid of because the housing market is shit nor can i afford to live here on my own. trapped in my bedroom because my room mates are so filthy and i feel like if i talk to them about it, they might just move out and then i'd be stuck with all the bills, even though i pay about 60% of them already, that other 20% will just kill me. trapped in my own head because if i say or do the slightest thing wrong she'll explode and we'll be fighting for the next 8 hours over how, the emphasis and the tense that i said a word.

the only three things i have to look forward to is work, school and the baby being born. in between the three, life is a war zone.