i have been evaluating myself and how i got to this point in my life pretty hard recently. probably all my late nights in college are giving me time to look deep inside myself and break down every piece of who i am, how i got to this point, who helped and hurt my journey, where i want to go and how i am going to get there.

sorry if this is long, i am inspired and i would appreciate no hate.
thanks in advance and here we go.

knowing now what i know, many of my friends parents would always give them "drug" speeches. telling how marijuana ruins lives and beer is bad and what not. i have thought long and hard and i now realize i never received the warnings giving by many other parents.

being right at 20 years old now, a lot of things have been revealed to me in the 3-4 years of my life that i would like to share. i feel like you are people who can connect with the facts of my life simply because this forum is the epitome of me, my family and my roots.


smoking chart: father side
father: uncover toker for the past 20 years. very sneaky. he revealed so much stuff to me i never imagined....lets say ill never try all the stuff he did. go pops.

grandfather(just turned 70): daily smoker, case killer (since he was 16 he claims...i believe it but somehow he is totally healthy)

grandmother(RIP): she tried it once. my dad told me (during his dealing days) he got her some mawi wowi from a relative who lived in hawaii (this was like 20-25 years ago) and she bugged out. so that was it for her. hahaha i loved this lady to the maximum, she was the best.

aunt: first husband was a huge dealer. undercover smoker for past 16-20 years.

uncle: sneakest of them all, i kid you not. 20 years undercover smoker. i never expected him.

cousins (17-25 range): all smoke.



smoking chart: mother side
mother: smoked before, a few times, way back.

uncle: smoked in high school, that was it.

cousins (17-25 range): all smoke.


now this leads me to this point, since i had never been steered away like most people, i wonder if this is what lead me to the use?

because i never knew any of this until after i smoked for atleast 1 year and i just told my dad. i knew he was chill, so i figured i should just let him know and explain my reasoning. that was it i didnt feel like such a bad child you know, like a criminal virtually. which is when i learned all of this and i kid you not it made me closer to my family than ever.

now i do not smoke to get stoned as i have always stood by. i kid you not, check my posts if you do not believe me.

reasons for smoking
- i feel as if i have a very overly aggressive about 90 percent of the time and honestly it is the only thing that can mellow me out every time i use it.

-relieves all stress, problems and drama

-mentally stimulating to the extend of mind expansion.

-creativity invoker


now i do not comprehend how this is a drug that supposedly makes people lose motivation/the right path in life.

me personally, before i smoked regularly i had no direct, no focus, no motivation to make anything of myself.

now, i strive to succeed both in school and in social environments to an extent that sometimes wears me out.

every since i started smoking regularly, i have pushed myself to new levels simply striving to prove everyone in the world who ever told me i would never do anything with my life wrong.

and when i smoke by myself, i like to relive these moments and think of how i will achieve my goals faster or direct my focus.

i am not going to lie, i was not given the greatest elementary/middle school experience.
-i didnt try but seemed to succeed easily.
-i got expelled.
-got in fights

which i can only blame myself for, but the teachers who would turn their backs on me and not try and help me is what angered me. i remember all of them, every one of them and every time i achieve something they said i would never be able to do i find myself laughing inside my head and wanting to run into them just to show them that they were wrong.

so what i am getting at is marijuana is a very prevalent and something i enjoy more than anyone who smokes should i think. i am not saying i smoke to smoke, no by any means. i am very responsible about it and i have yet to let it stop me from doing anything.

to sum it up, i think some people are meant to smoke and some people just arent. i have had plenty of friends throw their lives away and very easily lose control. now i would hang with them, do exactly as they did and experiment to the extent i was comfortable at. this leads to the thing that this whole long thing leads to.

some people are meant to smoke. some people are not meant to smoke.
i am most certainly one of those people that are more than capable of smoking and living life.

i turned my life around since picking up marijuana, i did not throw it away like the stereotype TRUTH characters.

before bud
-community college.
-no direction.
-no worry.
-no ambition.

now
-very focused.
-highly motivated.
-calmer (virtually stress free)
-striving to be more than anyone in my family.

to be totally honest with you, since picking up the habit on an almost daily basis i have become someone i always desired to be.

my family (who does not know i smoke) seem to be very proud of me and what i am doing. but i feel like i should feel them all in on what i do. then again i fear the hatred and demeaning things they will throw at me.

i restate for the 50th time, marijuana basically saved my life.

it took me from wasting a life in a small town.


to going to college (getting A's/B's)
pursuing a bachelors degree in mathematics (my all time secret passion)
then hopefully, if i continue how i am going now, attending law school afterwards.
the advisor told me a would have a rock solid shot if i continue on my path.
which was a childhood dream i saw fade away in middle school and high school.

it is gratefiy to finally seem some light at the end of my tunnel.
and to have an upbeat and hopeful outlook instead.

i am going to go ahead and close the casket, fill in the hole and walk away from who i used to be forever. because honestly i hated that part of me more than anything in the entire world.


i would just like to dedicate this to marijuana and how it has helped me and made me who i am to this day. without finding the this mystically powerful herb, i would be nobody, nothing. thanks to her i am going to be someone and i am going to be as humble as can be once i reach my highest plateau. because i know how hard it is to work your way up the latter. and ultimately i want my children, wife and their children to have more than i ever fathomed in life. i want to be the father that everyone looks to for advice.