Cosmic Revelations [Poem/story]

[Sir.TokeAlot]

This all started out as a song i was writing for my band, it kinda turned out longer than i wanted it to, and it's still not done yet. I just want to see what the city thinks of it so far. I tried to keep it rhyming a LITTLE, but also kinda make it like a story thats gonna be put to music (kinda psychedelic rock, like mastodon)

Well, here it is, let me know what you think (What you like, dislike, think i should change, dont be afraid to criticize, just dont be an asshole about it )

<b><u>COSMIC REVELATIONS</u></b>

The acid is burning,
Frying my mind,
Pattern of thought changing,
Molecules rearranging.

Colors dripping, I'm flipping,
Through the cosmos,
I want more.

Swinging string-hanging stars,
wounds heal, reveal no scars,
The universe expanding,
Civilizations collapsing.

Reaching out, becoming one with all,
Revelations of what will make us fall,
The raping of our beautiful Earth.

Right then, a flash of light,
Burning eyes, blindingly bright
I felt myself lifted up,
wondering "What the fuck?"

"Relax, we need you"
I heard this, not knowing what to do,
"We've come from afar, we need to reveal to you the truth"
I'd be useless, I'm no savior, I don't possess saint-like behavior
"We need your intelligence, not your soul, we must get mankind out of that hole"
They don't deserve it, they're doing it to themselves,
Useless souls

The visions flying by me explain everything,
I felt my spirit leaving me,
I can't describe the hellish visions i saw,
I could do nothing,
But gasp in awe

My spirit returns, more than revived,
trying to stand. CAN'T.
Am I still alive?

"Yes, but you must rest your soul"
But I feel fine, why can't I go?
"Your spirit must inform your mind, you shall be better with time"
I can't comprehend, is this my time?

The light subsides, I'm on a hill, looking at the sky
Staring blankly, trying to understand why.

I get up trying to walk, i'm falling....
What the fuck?

The ground opens up, fire spits from hell,
I'm falling in now........oh well.

The heat is unbearable, making me sweat,
I'm falling, wondering if I'm dead yet.

I hit the ground, look what I've found,
Satan's standing before me, i hold my ground
"What you saw was nothing but lies, you can't save them, everyone dies"
I must try, you won't change my mind, I'll save the people who hear me, the ones who ignore are no longer worthy
"That's fine, but try to be understanding, to save them you risk losing yourself to ME"
Nice try trying to be tricky, but self sacrifice shall make me heavenly.


Well, that's it, comments and criticism are much appreciated