Need some opinions.

[Big D Johnson]

Im working on this new poem. I dont have a title yet, and i am still revising it. but i'd like some opinions on how you guys think it's coming. here it is.

I met a girl the other day
She seems so perfect in every way
A real walking cliche

But not everything is as it seems
I know they plot, I know they scheme
But what good is life if you can't dream

Oh fading dreams and dying hope
This'll be a long shot folks
But Cupid's got a sniper's scope

And the shot's not so long when magnified
So I'll take a shot beneath starry skies
And Steal your heart with beautiful lies

Oh my god I'm in love, please help me
I've lost my mind, I'm losing sleep
I can't swim back, I've gone too deep

And now I think I just might drown
As hungry sharks swim round and round
I've lost all hope of being found
so go ahead and shoot me down
Im dead in the water.

comments? Criticism?

[Timmy The Hayes]

not to bad

[TreeBranch]

I like it, maybe run a couple words through a thesaurus to keep repetition down (the word "shot" in the 4th stanza), but otherwise a nice piece of work!