Poetry

[Auto Rock]

I found a few poems I had written a long time ago.... I thought they was good at the time but who knows. What are your opinions on them? They are really short but oh well.

Listen to the whispers
Players of light and wishers
The breathers of night
Tapping the light ever so slight

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I want to hear the wind blow
See the flowers bloom and the grass grow
Smell the sweat scent of summer
Fell the night air and all its wonder

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Windy Russel played the flute
Narrow Tunnel shot the shoot
Rough Tussel beat the coop
Racing Bussel fell out of the loop

All three of them are different from each other. I think all of them I was messed up on pills and pot pretty bad. Thought I would share a creative side with you guys or maybe a side of me that I want to be creative Be brutally honest.

[smokingjoe68]

interesting, I like the 2nd. peace

[RuseOfMetacarpi]

As I'm sure you're aware, none of these have any sort of coherent or detectable message to them, the rhyming is decent but nothing more. Their brevity and lack of meaning defeat them, as well as their almost complete lack of flow.

1. Some incoherent, poorly rhymed babble about light and night and "wishers"

2. The best of the three, but that's not worth much. All I really get from it is that you like nature and the summer. It is well rhymed, for the most part. The "sweat" air of summer is kind of a cool contradiction, but I wonder if that's what you meant.

3. I have no idea what this means.



Honesty.

[smokingjoe68]

Originally Posted by RuseOfMetacarpi

As I'm sure you're aware, none of these have any sort of coherent or detectable message to them, the rhyming is decent but nothing more. Their brevity and lack of meaning defeat them, as well as their almost complete lack of flow.

1. Some incoherent, poorly rhymed babble about light and night and "wishers"

2. The best of the three, but that's not worth much. All I really get from it is that you like nature and the summer. It is well rhymed, for the most part. The "sweat" air of summer is kind of a cool contradiction, but I wonder if that's what you meant.

3. I have no idea what this means.



Honesty.

wow, almost brutal, I love it! If you find time, Ruse, will you honor me as well with some of your brutallity in my thread, "Euphoria"? Please, and ty. peace