One of my old raps I used in a rap battle against someone whos username was l2aw_Piff

[Ki11aA187]

look, -raw-, i could stir this beef up n have you -smacked down-//
you from brklyn? i'll let out -rounds- thru ya whole -town-//1
you rep ya hood mad hard, well -brook-lyn- is the place i catch -jooks in-//
i spit n you feel -chagrin- aw someone play him the -violin- while i -begin- this slaughter to get this -win-//2
i come through n have you treated like a dog, roll over n -play dead-//
you should have -feld- -instead- you went -ahead- n made this -thread-//3
you like my treadmill, gettin stomped on -everyday-//
you jump *****s? man you couldn't jump shit if you was an -ese-//4
you spit straight -crack- well maybe you should stop sniffin -that-//
couldnt hit me hard with one rhyme so he repeated "I got the best of -gats-"//5
i don't run with -scooters- i run with -shooters- that'll have you -leakin-//
-strictly speaking- i'll have *****s come thru ya -crib creepin- while ya moms is -shriekin-//6
man i got more guns n ammo than a fuckin -swat team-, -ak's, grenades-, to pistol with scopes n red light -beams-//
i'll have you thnkin its too -extreme- must be a fuckin -dream-, call me freddy im changin up the -theme- of ma -scheme-//7
1-2 bl00dz come -through-, 3-4 take ya head n shoot at the -core- 5-6 bust at raw's whole -click-//
i'll shoce a -ice pick- up ya -chick-, break ya -dick- with a -brick- godamn im -sick//8
you got missles n bombs with my name on it? well im -flattered-//
its not like it -mattered- i'll send all of Taliban after ya ass n have ya plans -shattered-//9
i'll shoot at ya scalp with my desi, call it a -bald eagle-//
i bust shots so much, im surprised its not fuckin -legal-//10
i have you lyin down surrounded by shells, n i aint talkin a day on the -beach-//
im talkin real -street-, my guns dont stay quiet, im just givin em -freedom of speech-//11
this -battle- had you -rattled- now i hope -that'll- teach you a -lesson-//
if you not a good student, i'll introduce the substitutes, -smith & wesson-//12

bar 1- his name 'raw' is also a wrestling show-- smackdown is another wrestling show n they used to fight n shit
bar 4- "couldnt jump shit if you was an ese"- refferring to mexicans jumping the border..no offense
bar 7 and 8-- i changed up straight rappin to horror shit, and the 1-2, 3-4 thing was in the freddy kreuger movies...tryna make that creative
bar 10- desi (desert eagle)...hope yall understand that
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[dvskidsec]

Wow, im semi-impressed if certain parts wernt mentioned it would be ill but the parts that wernt ill just sucked so bad it was almost agrivating, im picky when it comes to rap, but I must say its good work... esse part was fuckin great

[Ki11aA187]

Thanks for the feed... This is an old batle so yeah.. I have others better than this

[OhFuhQ]

i have you lyin down surrounded by shells, n i aint talkin a day on the -beach-//

reminds me of a big l line, think it goes, i drag your ass to the beach and best believe you gon see shells.

anyway, yea its pretty good man, im also picky when it comes to rap, i like people who can flow and flow even in text, then again thats how i do it so i could be biggin up my own style haha. yea man its gd

[Ki11aA187]

Thanks for the feedback
People who see my raps say my flow is off because of my extended bars, but they never notice the multi's I put in to try and kind of make it flow better
there should be a rap forum here lol