My question is: Is weed just not for me?
I have smoked on 2 separate occasions. The first time was really messed up and the second time was not quite as traumatic. When intoxicated with any mind altering substance I always seem to experience the same disturbing feeling 5-10 minutes after the initial substance use. This feeling from what I can gather seems to be an intense sense of derealization/depersonalization. I could go on for days explaining the intense and highly unsettling feelings but I will try to sum it up quickly. Basically my perception of reality and everything and anything at some random point becomes instantly and completely distorted and changed. I think about how I got to where I am at that moment, and I think about reality and how odd it is that anything exists. That I exist. " Sufferers feel they have changed, and the world has become less real, vague, dreamlike, or lacking in significance." I feel detached from myself and reality. To sum it up it's really fucked up. I can bring this feeling upon myself if I try really hard, but I, for obvious reasons avoid such thoughts. This feeling only lasts 5 seconds or so, but sends me into a mental breakdown for a little while. The first time it lasted 2 hours until I was mostly back to normal minus the pleasant high. The second time I suppressed the feelings and it only lasted 10 minutes. I have these instinctive responses to immediately vacate where ever I may be at the time. I'm really trapped in my own cloud of thoughts and my friends easily notice my strange behavior. I want to leave and go occupy myself with any possible distraction to get my mind back to a normal state. I'd call it almost a mental panic attack. I had enough composure to express my inner feelings of distress to my friends the first time, and the second I held my self together and avoided causing alarm. I simply went, "oh shit - I'm really high".
I wouldn't even consider smoking again but the following 4 hours were amazing the second time. Everything was 1 million times more hilarious. I was feeling an immense feeling of euphoria and I was feeling totally contempt about 30 minutes after my experience of derealization/depersonalization. I was on the ball, feeling great, and I slept like a rock. I had a great time. If it weren't for this initial reaction I would be in love with weed.
I will be smoking some time soon. Should I just rough the first 5-10 minutes or should I just stay off the herb? Has anyone else here experienced anything remotely similar? Please, any feed back.
Me: I'm 5 months away from being able to drive in a car with a parent/guardian in the passenger seat; just to give off an impression of my age. I have experienced 2 panic attacks in my life (physical, both near/full fainting, unrelated). I experienced the same feeling my first and only time drunk. This was also my first time experiencing derealization/depersonalization and it sent me into a 1 week mental break down and it took me 1 month total to come back to my self. (High 80%s in high school, would be better if it weren't for my selective effort). I would love to be able to just smoke some weed/drink and just relax D:
Thanks for reading.
I feel absolutely no pressure to smoke. I'm not the kind of person to be influenced in such a way. I'm just asking for opinions/advice/similar experiences because It's sort of an inner conflict. I do greatly enjoy using marijuana; I just REALLY hate it for the first 15 minutes.
These feelings have come and gone. It's been weeks since my second time smoking, and I suppressed the feeling within 10 minutes. It's just a highly disturbing state of mind, and unfortunately, I can sometimes bring it onto myself if I put enough effort in. It seems as though weed just promotes 'out of the box' thinking for me; something I do not enjoy. I like clear minded normal consciousness(why I don't drink), but I also greatly enjoy the euphoria as well as all the other positive effects of weed.
I have genuine respect for anyone thinking "that's kinda young...". I did a lot of extensive research into marijuana use before even considering it. I'm a farily responsible and mature person for my age(imo haha). Unfortunately, one can't really predict how they will react their first time.
Edited by TheQwert, 14 June 2011 - 10:57 PM.