The Apprentice Toker's Guide To Not Being Scummed

[kushman2020]

Yes we've all been there at some point or another. You are in need of some herbage. Everyone's dry. A friend of a friend of a friend gives you a number to call. You set up a meeting spot. You give your "new friend" a 20, and he throws a bag of oregano to you and hauls ass outta there.


*Cue Dramatic Depressing Music*

You have just been scummed. It's a shitty feeling, and the worst part is, it could have been avoided. Read this guide, follow my rules, and you might learn something. Keep in mind this guide is for Apprentice Tokers. Most seasoned blades on here don't need this info, but feel free to add anything you think is necessary.

Rule 1: Never Go Alone
Going alone to a deal can get you into shit really fast, especially if you are new. Go with a trusted friend who is more experienced than you are. He (or she) will be able to help you from making a bad decision, and it will ease a bit of the anxiety that comes with picking up some bud.

Rule 2: Buy From A Trusted Source
Avoid buying from anyone who isn't pre-approved by a close friend.
If three close friends say they got a guy that will hook you up, more often than not, this is a safe place to buy from.
If some kid you just met says he knows a guy, BE WARY. This can very quickly leave you with that bag of oregano in your back seat and you being out money.

Rule 3: Don't Buy Weight The First Buy
Don't hit up a brand new guy asking for an ounce of some dank. Buy a gram or two first. There are multiple benefits to this. Firstly, you see how the stuff smokes and you can then decide if you want a large amount of it. Second, it establishes trust with your dealer. Lastly, it only puts maybe 10 or 20 bucks of your money at risk, rather than 300.
=YES =NO

Rule 4: Never Front Money
This is one of the most important rules, in my opinion. Avoid fronting money at all costs. Let me say that again, louder this time. Avoid fronting money at all costs!!!!

What is fronting money, you ask? Well, young one, fronting money is the act of giving someone money for weed without them actually having it. Perhaps they need to go pick it up, or maybe it's at home. No matter what the reason, avoid fronting money at all costs. It will save you a lot of aggravation and money.

So what to do if asked to front money? Here's what: Calmly and kindly ask to see the bag before you hand over any money. Any good dealer will gladly show it to you. After all, what does he have to lose?

Rule 5: Trust Your Instincts
You know that gut feeling that says, "Hmmmm, something just doesn't seem right"? Follow that gut feeling. It usually doesn't lie to you. When your gut says to bail, it is better to listen to it. I'd rather not buy weed when I could have, rather than ignore my gut feeling and get jacked.

Rule 6: Only Bring The Money You Need
If you are going to buy a quarter ounce for $70, don't bring $300 with you. Get the $70 out ahead of time, organize it and have it ready for the guy. Also, never pull out your wallet in front of a dealer until he is trustworthy. If he grabs your wallet and runs, you are royally fucked. I'd rather lose just some cash instead of my ID, credit cards, and the rest of my money.

Rule 7: Weigh It Out
Ask the guy to throw it on a scale for you so you know you get what you're paying for. Or better yet, buy a scale and bring it with you. Throw it on in front of him. If the bag is short, say to the dealer very calmly, "Oh dude its a little short. Can you throw in a bit more?" Manners can get you very far in this world, as long as they are used appropriately.
****Refer to Apprentice Tokers' Guide to Bud Quality, Quantity, and Pieces for an eyeballer's guide to quantity****

Rule 8: Lose Gracefully
Let's just say, after all that, that bag of oregano still landed in the back seat of your car. You're angry as hell. What should you do? Torch the guy's car? Egg his house? Beat the shit out of him until you get your money back? Try this: accept it and walk away.

Now some of you are saying, Kushman, how can you possibly say that? Well, I say that for this reason: Is the money really worth it? You may not get the money back, you might get arrested for vandalism, and worst case scenario, you could end up dead (I know this is unlikely but seasoned blades know this is still possible in the world we live in.) Let the money go, because it isn't worth it. Which brings me to my final rule......

The Final Rule: Learn From Your Mistakes
That bag of oregano is still sitting in the back of your car. Now is the time to call up your best friend who has some dank at his house, and ask if you can come over and chill for a bit. Spark up a bowl and tell him what happened. It helps ease the embarrassment and stress of being scummed.
While passing around this bowl of your friend's dank, ask yourself a couple questions:
What did I do wrong? What can I avoid this the next time? Did I even do anything wrong?

Epilogue
Sometimes, you do everything right, and you still end up with a bag of kitchen spice. There will always be assholes in the world, who don't give a shit about how their actions affect other people. The best thing you can do is accept it and try to prevent it from happening again. So grab that oregano, make some pasta sauce, and relax.

I hope you enjoyed my guide. Hopefully it will save you some money. If anyone feels anything is missing, feel free to add to it. Share experiences here as well. Happy Toking!!

Credits: All photo credit goes to google.com image search.

EDIT: a couple of tips from kiwisdontbounce. I agree with the points, and believe they could be useful.
1. Always know where you are. Not know puts you at an immediate disadvantage.
2. Know the way out of where you are, and always be able to GTFO if need be.
3. Know when you’ve lost control of the situation, and decide when to bail and go home.
4. Always remember, be as easy going as possible and try not to be confrontational with any drug dealer, because you never know when they might snap.

[rubbs]

hahaha...
nice entertaining guide.

+rep

[Bliss junkie]

this is tight babe
good job!

not fronting money is definatly rule number one for me.

[malalon]

Very nice well put together guide. What I learned is you definitely never front your money ever. Especially if you're buying through your friend.

[Djoint]

Can't really say the pieces of information are not true because they really are. I already knew about all of this, but reading it was really fun. I hope your guide will be able to help people who are buying for the first time.

I'll + rep you for the great effort you put into it Kushman
Farewell.

[steve5006]

nice guide. +rep and that pasta looks yummy

[goodlay]

Good job dude, luckily I never got ripped that bad, always had a friend with me though, that and not fronting money are probably the big two that will save you a lot.

[Darkshade]

+rep love the end

[kushman2020]

Originally Posted by goodlay

Good job dude, luckily I never got ripped that bad, always had a friend with me though, that and not fronting money are probably the big two that will save you a lot.

Yea man a friend always helps. You cover him while he covers you. It always works for me

[Dynamik]

If the bud looks really strange (maybe a bit like bud but not really), try and smoke some with the dealer first, say you'll pay for what you smoke. If they get all sketchy and make weird excuses as to why not, they might be fucking you over. Also keep a look out for kiefed bud and legal buds, if there's very few trichomes question it, buy a small amount and try it, or don't buy it. Also look out for vaped bud, especially if it's already grinded for some reason and they try to convince you that it's fine.

[Ben&Bong]

+ Rep, And this was entertaining in light of my recent... incident XD

[Ben&Bong]

Congrats on the sticky btw ^^

[iamwhitetrash]

Also never tell him how much money you have on you

[firefrostfox]

Thankfully, I've never had this experience happen to me, but then again all the people I smoke with tell me I'm the most prepared stoner they've ever smoked with.
My take-along pouch:
1 hitter pipe
jar of roaches
grinder
rolling papers
bud mini-jar
seed bag

what do ya'll think?

[Justweed]

+Rep I've been thinking of making something liek this myself!

Also you should add in that fronting money is not that bad. Calmly ask for the guys license or his shoe or something of the nature that he will have to come back to get. This will prevent the guy from running with your cash. You have no reason to run with what he gives you. It's always worked with me.

Also, you should add in to use your head when it comes to meeting locations. I used to be stupid about meeting people wherever they said. Don't make yourself drive too far, and don't go to a terrible or obvious location. Stick to unbusy neighborhoods, back streets (stop signs are great places to make a fast exchange), and people's houses.