Alpha's Drug Test Guide

[Alphå]

How to Pass a Drug Test if You Smoke Cannabis.
I always said I'd never subject myself to such a personal invasion. I was at a job interview a couple years ago and found out I had to take a piss test to get the job. Instead of running away, I decided I could beat the system. I've done it three times now. The method I use is called substitution, but there are a few other ways you can get around tests. Print this page out and read it thoroughly; it could save your ass some day.

Note: The information presented in this thread is designed to help beat genetic discrimination in the workplace. I do not recommend or condone you using the methods laid out herein. It is illegal for you to refuse or cheat on a drug test in certain situations. I can and will not be held accountable. Know before you go.




How Marijuana is Stored in your Body
When you smoke, the Cannabinoids (parts that get you high. THC is a cannabinoid) are absorbed by your lung tissue. From there it goes on a journey to your bloodstream. While in your bloodstream, it binds with the cannabinoid receptors in your brain, causing you to get fried.

After the cannabinoids have done their job on your brain, it gets metabolized into a different chemical compound. After it detaches from the receptors it is known as a THC metabolite. From there the metabolite goes back into your bloodstream and it is absorbed by any fat in your body. Because cannabinoids are non-polar molecules, and fat is also a non-polar molecule, the THC attaches itself to the fat.

This is the same reason you can make foods laced with marijuana... If you ever make cannnibutter, all your doing is making the cannabinoids come in contact with a nonpolar liquid, causing the cannabinoids to 'stick' to the liquid.

It should be noted that most drug tests (with the exception of saliva and blood tests) do not test for the active chemical compounds (THC, CBD, CBN, among other cannabinoids). What they look for in drug tests is the metabolites.




Why that Sucks
Because the cannabinoids are stuck on your fat, you have to wait for that layer of fat to be used as energy (fat is the way our bodies store unused energy). As you burn the fat, the cannabinoids are again released in your bloodstream, and are turned into urine by your kidneys.

Most people take a long time to metabolize all the fat that has cannabinoids dissolved in it. The more you smoke, the longer it lingers. The slower your metabolism, the longer it lingers.

(approximate) Detection Period in Urine

• 1-6 days (single use)
• 3-9 days (weekly use)
• 7-30 days (daily use)

These numbers are just guidelines and you should factor in your body type before you come to any conclusions. Here's an example:

John is a lanky bastard with only 4% body fat. He is a pothead and has smoked every day for a few years. His friend Jake is a lard ass with over 30% body fat. He has smoked with John every day for years. John exercises and is completely cannabinoid free after two weeks of non-smoking. Jake also exercises with John, but even after three weeks he is still testing positive for marijuana.

Not only is John a lucky bastard, but he has a high metabolism rate. I'm sure we've all seen skinny people who you never see without food in their hand (I'm one of them). You wonder why they never gain weight! Its because they have a quick metabolism.

DIET AND EXERCISE ARE THE ONLY FACTORS IN REMOVING THC FROM YOUR BODY.

DIET AND EXERCISE ARE THE ONLY FACTORS IN REMOVING THC FROM YOUR BODY.

DIET AND EXERCISE ARE THE ONLY FACTORS IN REMOVING THC FROM YOUR BODY.

DIET AND EXERCISE ARE THE ONLY FACTORS IN REMOVING THC FROM YOUR BODY.

DIET AND EXERCISE ARE THE ONLY FACTORS IN REMOVING THC FROM YOUR BODY.

Get it?




How do I Pass?!
Well, it really depends on what kind of drug test your taking; there are several:


Piss-in-a-cup Tests
These are probably the easiest tests to pass. You can buy them from Wal-Mart or any pharmacy for under $10 (they can be had online for about $4 a piece). You pee in a cup, and either the cup has an indicator on the side, or you use an indicator dipstick to dip in the cup of urine and test.

I'll tell you right now so you don't have to read any more of this thread: Just drink as much water as you possibly can, and don't exercise the night before the test. I did this and after 3 days of nonsmoking (followed by 3 years of heavy smoking), I passed.

The reason these are so easy to pass is that the people using these tests aren't exactly lab technicians and chemists. If your pee looks diluted with water, the person administering the test isn't going to follow up by looking at creatine levels, specific gravity, pH, etc. Usually its a suspicious parent, probation officer, or done right in your place of employment.

More sophisticated 'instant drug tests' may have a thermometer attached on the side. If you plan to use substitution (which I will get to later on in this thread), you need to be sure the urine is still warm (90-102* Fahrenheit)

Detection time is about 45 days.


This is what an average piss in a cup test looks like. The bottom piece of cardboard is the indicator, which is dipped in the urine for about 30 seconds. On the cup, you can see a thermometer to help see if someone is using urine other then their own.




Drug Testing Clinics ( Lab Tests)
For most pre-employment tests, they will send you to a clinic where they take a sample of your urine in a cup, and send it out to a lab. At the lab, they will perform what is called an immunoassay. An immunoassay is basically a test where the technician uses a substance that reacts with only one other substance. So if they are testing for THC, they will use a specific chemical that only reacts in the presence of THC. Usually this reaction is indicated by a physical change (like change in color, pH, density, etc).

If you fail the immunoassay, the drug testing lab will confirm the test by testing your sample with a gas chromatography/mass spectrometry test. This test works by separating every chemical in your urine. It will be able to tell you exactly how much of ANY substance is in your urine. In this way these tests are almost foolproof. They can absolutely test for adulterants (detox drinks, high levels of masking chemicals).

Immunoassays only costs pennies to test. Gas chromatography / mass spectrometry is much more expensive and requires very delicate equipment, and takes much more time then an immunoassay. They will almost ALWAYS use an immunoassay first.

By the way, you need 60cc (60mL) of urine. That's the golden standard.

Detection time is up to 45 days.



Note the two samples (they take your 60cc sample and divide it into two cups. One is used for actual testing and I believe the other is put on hold in case you test positive (so they can double check). Also, you can see the paperwork they make you sign inside there.



Hair Tests
Although uncommon, hair tests can detect drug use up to 6 months prior to the test. What they do is similar to the clinics... They do an immunoassay, then a gas chromatography confirmation. Solution? Shave every hair in your body. Although you probably wont get the job if you do that (because they cant test you). You might as well just say you don't want the job anymore (or if your on probation, ask for a urine test, which is easier to cheat).

There are shampoos out there that claim to rid your hair of the drugs, but I wouldn't trust them. Hair tests are pretty new within the past 5 years, so there hasn't been enough experimentation to say whether or not the shampoos work yet. Try it out and see if it works.

1.5 inches of hair can go back about 90 days. If you have long hair they can test even further back into your history. Remember, the hair closest to the roots is the newest.

Detection time is between 3-6 months.







Oral Tests
Oral tests are when they swab your mouth and use an indicator to see if drugs or present. These tests only indicate cannabinoids that are in your bloodstream. These are hard to cheat. The only way you'd be able to cheat is to mask it somehow. This is hard to do since the person administering the test can see inside your mouth. So its not like you can just keep a bunch of water in your mouth and slosh it onto the swab.

The detection time is about 24 hours.



The stick has a swab that goes in your mouth, and the other piece is a test unit.



How the fuck do I pass?
Well if you read any of what I said, the only test you can really cheat at is a urine test.

Don't believe anything about eating niacin pills, green tea, or cranberry juice. They will all speed up your metabolism (cranberry just makes you pee a lot), but none of them will eliminate cannabinoids from your urine.

There are two logical ways you cheat:

• Dilute your sample by drinking large amounts of water
• Use someone else's urine or use synthetic urine

Dilution
To dilute your pee, you must drink a lot of water. You want your urine to be clear. Be careful; drinking too much water in one sitting can cause water intoxication. Don't worry, this is very rare. Eat some salty food or drink a Gatorade in between waters.

How much should you drink? It depends on the size of your stomach. I'd guzzle anywhere between 1-2 liters of water, then wait until you have to urinate. After you pee it out, drink another 1 or 2 liters. Keep doing this the day before, and the day of the test. You do not have to do it for too long before, since you only want to dilute your pee.

A lot of people believe in the misconception that if you start drinking water as soon as you find out about the test you will be better off. This is not true. You only need to start diluting three days before your test.

Just by the color of your urine they will know that you are diluting and that will be the first red flag. The collection site will, in all probability, reject a sample if it is too clear. If it gets to the lab, the lab will see that its clear and test the creatine level. When you dilute your urine, the creatine level drops rapidly. You can buy powdered creatine at any major pharmacy (CVS, Brooks, Rite Aid, Walgreen's, Wal-Mart). Follow the directions and begin a creatine supplement for the entire week before your test.

While you are at the pharmacy, look for Vitamin B-2 (also known as riboflavin). Eat 400mg per day starting with your water regimen. This will color your urine a nice, normal, inconspicuous yellow.

Don't take anything to speed up your metabolism before the test. Niacin is bad for this reason. Niacin works by expanding your capillaries (that's why it causes you to get red and itchy). This, in turn, increases your metabolism and will put more THC into your urine. You don't want the THC stored in your fat to come out into your urine. You want to keep it there. Eat a good breakfast, and keep drinking water.

While you are out shopping for supplies, buy and grill up some asparagus. Now I'm not sure if it really does anything to your pee at all to help you pass... but it does make it smell very bad. These assholes are invading our privacy. The least we can do is make their job less enjoyable. The stuff doesn't taste too bad either. It goes great with fresh grilled fish.

Again: dilution only really works for piss in a cup tests. For these tests, you don't even have to worry about color or creatine level. Your really taking a gamble by trying to dilute a laboratory test. The federally set sensitivity level for drug testing companies is 50 nano grams of THC per 60cc of urine. That's rather small, but to these tests, even 10nl could theoretically set it off and make you fail. The one true, fail safe method is substitution.









Substitution
This one is a bit tricky, but if you can pull it off, you will pass.

The first thing you need is the mindset. Being nervous is bad. Very bad. Nerves will cause you to become irrational and you will make stupid mistakes. Suck it up, smoke a cigarette if you have to, and get it done. That's all I can recommend.

Urine will only stay good for 24 hours. After that urea and other solids start to appear, which will be a red flag for the lab. They will also test the temperature of it. The temp MUST be above 90 degree and less then 102 degrees. Hand warmers can get as hot as 130 degrees.

You need an apparatus that will hold 50ml of urine. There are two products that I know of that manufacture an apparatus specifically designed for this:

1. Whizzinator and Urinator Alternative - Better than the Original Whizzinator or Urinator !
2. The Urinator heats synthetic urine for passing a drug test

They are quite pricey (both units are about $150), but are designed for this and work well. I've used both a homemade apparatus and The Urinator (#2 on the above list). I prefer The Urinator because it has a computer chip and electronic heater that regulates the temperature of the urine to a precise level. The Whizzinator has an advantage in that it has a prosthetic penis. Even when someone is watching you it looks like you are actually peeing.

If you choose to order one of the fancy devices from the internet, they generally come with a bunch of free stuff (temperature strips, synthetic urine, mine even came with two packs of rolling papers). They will always come with directions, so you should read them thoroughly.

Ideally, you want to order a fake penis from the internet, but I will describe to you a few ways that also work.

If your a lady, you have unlimited options due to your built in cavity (vagina). Slip in a small container, and your pretty much ready to go. It will probably be a bit uncomfortable, but it'll work. I can't comment on any specifics regarding the female cavity's use as storage, but perhaps one of our female blades will have some insight. Some containers that come to mind are the small contact lens solution bottles (might be a bit of a stretch), or a Visene bottle. I'd do it if I had a snatch.







Elmer's Glue Bottle Method
A lot of people have recommended condoms, but I say to use an Elmer's school glue container. It holds 100ml of urine, which is twice what you need. The screw top stays closed nicely, and it's very easy to open up while your in the bathroom. Plus, the flat shape of the container makes it easy to tape to your body, and the thin walled plastic makes it transfer heat nicely (I'll get into temperature of the sample later)

Materials:
Medical Tape
Elmer's Glue
Pipe cleaner

Empty out all the glue. Fill it with hot water, and pour it out. Keep doing that until most of the glue is gone. Sometimes (at least with mine it did this), some of the glue will harden on the inside of the bottle. Just fill it with water, and use a pipe cleaner to scrape it off the inside. The glue is water soluble so it comes off nice and easy. If you want, you can add some alcohol. I found that filling it 3/4 the way with hot water, putting the top on it and shaking got a lot of the stubborn 'curds' of glue to come off.

Once your container is completely clean (please, make sure it is COMPLETELY clean), you'll probably want to shave the area your going to tape it to. Be careful not to nick anything.

Fill it with your urine sample. I used rubber gloves and a small funnel I had lying around. You want to do all this as close to the test as possible in order to keep the urine warm. They will record the temperature and they will reject it if its too cold.

Put a wrap of electrical tape around where the cap twists onto the bottle. I found that my contraption had leaked from the neck a little bit. Tightly wrapped electric tape did the trick.

What I did was center it between my testicles... Then hold up your penis and wrap tape around your balls. Ideally you want it to be angled down a little bit. The corner of the glue bottle should just touch your anus (depending on how big your gooch is).

Once you have a good wrap of tape securing it to your testicles, use strips of tape and tape it on to anything you can. A strip of tape up the ass cheek, or going around your inner thigh. The more the merrier. You DON'T want this thing to fall out of your pants when your in the clinic.

They will test the temperature of the urine. You want it to be between 92 and 100 degrees. When I got my paperwork for my test it told me the temperature range it had to be (for my test it was anywhere between 90-100, but I have taken tests where they wanted it to be 90-102*). Because the glue container is pretty thin, your body will heat it up. Make sure there is sufficient surface area contact and that you keep it insulated with a few pairs of underwear (Hanes boxer briefs are great for this, plus they give excellent ball bag support)

A digital thermometer will be good for your practices. And please practice. You don't want to be fumbling around in the clinic. Know exactly what your going to do, and then execute your actions decisively.

It may be a little awkward to walk around with something taped to your crotch. It was for me. I put on a gangsta limp when I was walking to the place. If its taped secure, and you know its secure, you don't have to worry too much, but please, don't put too much stress on the tape. It will just come right off.

What your going to do is put a few pieces of tape holding the fly of your underwear open so you don't have to bother with two or three sets of underwear buttons (remember you should wear layers for insulation) when you get to the bathroom. Twist the cap, and squeeze the bottle until you filled your sample cup. Don't worry if you pinch your ball sack while you do this. Suck it up, soldier.

The one thing I was afraid of was the noise of the bubbles rushing back into the cup when I had filled it up enough. You can stop this by either just twisting the cap shut right after your done, or slowly letting go of the glue container. Same thing goes for the ladies if they are using a Visine bottle inside their vagina. Just put the cap back on, or slowly let go so it doesn't sound like a water bubbler.

Instead of going through all that hassle, you should invest in one of the professionally made devices. I always thought they were too expensive or not worth it until I faced random drug testing for about two years. I'd gladly pay $150, or even $500 to be able to have a bit of privacy and peace of mind.

Win the War
Write your fucking congressmen! The only way we will win this war is with support. I think there are a LOT of stoners in the US, but most of them are just too busy getting high to lobby for decriminalization/legalization. End the war!

[letsgetPOD]

Leg bag for the fucking win man, ive pased three tests to complete my drug class and been smoking everyday!

[cheez]

Great Post!

[MethMan]

I gotta say this will probably answer every question about testing in detail thats been asked in Apprentice Tokers I'm about to read it fully non stop so thank you,I encourage it to be stickied

[RichieRedEyes]

This thread should be a sticky

[iSmokeLI]

Okay alpha, let me give you a little backround.

I'm around 5'8 130 lbs going to be smoking around 2-3 days a week. Now if i dilute the pee by adding half of it with hot water, do you think I could pass this drug test? I have a VERY fast metabolism, lucky me. And I'm very athletic, run every day.

[Alphå]

Keep it to the weekend and you may be able to pass during the end of the week. You keep asking me the question: can I pass this test, but I can not answer that. You can take all the precautions you can, but as long as your mom is going to give you random tests, you really don't have much of a defense.

You COULD piss a tiny bit in the cup and fill the rest with water, but the problem here is going to be the color. Theres a slim probability of you using enough water to dilute but still keep the color right.

[Grassraucher]

Great post ! very detailed !

[iSmokeLI]

Well, from now on I'm just going to be drinking water constantly. I work out often, run often, and ill only be smoking around 2-3 times a week at most. So i think i could pass a test by diluting the water.

[Alphå]

Originally Posted by iSmokeLI

Well, from now on I'm just going to be drinking water constantly. I work out often, run often, and ill only be smoking around 2-3 times a week at most. So i think i could pass a test by diluting the water.

You mean by diluting the urine, right?

[WeeZy F baBy]

Originally Posted by Alphå

What I did was center it between my testicles... Then hold up your penis and wrap tape around your balls. Ideally you want it to be angled down a little bit. The corner of the glue bottle should just touch your anus (depending on how big your gooch is).

Hahahah i cracked up by the end of this!

[cannabonanza]

really good guide, plus rep

edit: "Don't believe anything about eating niacin pills, green tea, or cranberry juice. They will all speed up your metabolism (cranberry just makes you pee a lot), but none of them will eliminate cannabinoids from your urine."

Could you take niacin(or other B vitamins), green tea, cranberry juice to keep your tolerance low?

[ilikebud]

i realize taking cranberry and niacin the day of or the day before a test is bad, but taking it the week coming up to the test is good right? since it speeds up your metabolism like you said, it would shed thc from your fat cells so you get clean faster.

[gc boy all day]

goood shit!! +rep
might have to take a test for a job soon, great info

[ilikebud]

oh and to be clear and straightforward is what i have down the ultimate method for being clean on a urine/lab test (besides substitution [my guy literally watches your dick])? tell me any little things i got wrong.. this is just what im currently doing and from my research seems like the ultimate get clean guide.
take niacin, cranberry, green tea pills after i quit but stop taking them 2 days before the test. excercise a lot and dont take in too much calories/fat- so your burning fat not gaining-, but stop the day before the test, just be lazy after that and fatten up. start taking creatin pills about 4 days before the test, up til a couple hours before it. the day before the test start cleaning out my piss by drinking lots of water, and drink even more about an hour or two before the test. start taking vitamin b-12 (how does this compare with b-2?) the day before the test, up til the test..



and i heard taking 4 aspirin (NOT advil or tylenol) 2-4 hours before the test can cause a negative. anyone heard anything about this?

lemme know anything im missing or should take out, or anything i got wrong on when to do something