Guide: How not to get caught (parents and laws)

Hi everyone!
ive seen alot of posts about people asking how to smoke in the house (ect ect)
so i thought id make a nice little guide on how to chief on the safe side

Lets start at the close places.

1)Your house
-if your gonna chief at your house your first option should always be to take it outside
i know that there is always gonna be mother nature in the way, possibly nosy neighbors, or just cant chief outside, so we can discuss ways around that!

-if you can go outside, always be smart (no pipes or evidence if there does happen to be an intruder (joints/blunts only). Try and find a spot kind of concealed from everything else (front porch, back porch, side of house). If all else fails, roll yourself a joint, and go walk the block, just watch for cars and fellow walkers!

-when chiefing anywhere in your house, always be sure to use common sense (cover your caughs, cover the smell, and its always better to look sketchy than just straight up smelling like pot)
-also, dont be stupid and leave your bud out or any ashes (ect. ect.)

a)In the bathroom
-when smoking in the bathroom, the only way that this option is really plausible, you would either have to have a fart sniffer (fan) or a window.
-some people say that turning the shower on hot and then chiefing helps, but whenever ive done that, the room just gets really dense, and the humidity gives something the smell to stick on, so i just suggest no shower.

b)In your room
-my personal favorite (Your chiefing in the comfortability of your own room!)
-only probable if you have a fan, a window, or a really big room!)
-having a good ventalation system going is always a good thing, make sure you have all the smoke blown out your window, or atleast away from your door! (in my room, i have a ceiling fan, a tower fan, and my window, so i put my fan at my door (good for stalling also) and point towards my window and leave my ceiling fan on)
-in your closet is always just another barrier you can use to your advantage, that is if you have a walk in closet!, but anyways, just shut your door and try and trap all the smoke you can in your closet.

c)The garage
-as you can tell, this is pretty much only an option if it is really late at night and your parents are hard sleepers, or your parents are pack rats and the only function your garage servers as is a storage building.
-the garage is an option, just crack your garage door, or if your have a side door, just stand in the door way and blow the smoke outside!

-smoking in your house only goes as well as you plan.
-if you do something stupid, like smoke in your room while your parents are eating dinner, or you leave your ground up weed on a cd case in your closet.
-always be a safe smoker! be sure you clean up your mess! and be courteous.

II)Smell Agents

-since bud has such a potent smell, it can be tricky to mask the smell sometimes.
-as i said before, better to smell like a bottle of nasty ass axe than a dead skunk rolled in a rilllo.
(i do not recommend axe or any other spray deoderant like that, they just kinda adds a stinky ass smell to your mj auroma)

a)Air Sanitizers/Sprays
-always use what your parents buy or what your house smells like, dont run around spraying your house with the cologne your mom absolutely hates cause you and your homeboys baked a batch of brownies.
-dont over do it, although it still smells like sweet sweet mary, dont panic, just open a window or two, and lightly spray your house.
-Many people have different recommendations, but i just simply recommend the Fresh Air stuff. Go fo the natural smells, or fresh odors. When you start throwing your fruitbowl into the air, smells tend not to mix well.

b)Candles
-the good ol' candles, this one may be a tricky task, you may have to start lighting candles before you start chiefing in your house just incase suspision arises.
-just one light candle in your room or bathroom will do well! but make sure and pay attention! we dont want to have to call 911!

c)Insence
-same as candles, but i personally never really got into insence, so i cant really shine much light on that subject.

d)Sploofs
-somewhat of a new subject to me, tried them once or twice, wasnt too impressed with the resuilts
-but what you do is your take a toilet paper roll and wrap a laundry sheet around one end and stuff it with toilet paper and then you blow the smoke through the toilet paper and out the dryer sheet and i guess your room is susposed to smell like your laundry room now
-(edit on the sploof= stuff your T.P. roll with laundry sheets and slap one on the outside and Viola!)

e)Carbon Sploofs
-not too hip on this subject
-any light shown upon this item would be greatly appreciated

III) On the road
-alright, now were gonna take a journey on the more dangerous side of chiefing, and thats on the road.
-smokin in my car or anyones car at that is one of my least favorite places to chief becuase i dont care who you are, paranoia is a bitch.
-all it takes is one wrong move and a law can pull you over and do you on all fours right there
-but i know there are times when chiefing on the road is necessary.
a)always make sure to have your windows cracked (except in weather conditions)
b)clean your car regularly
-dont leave any seeds or shake anywhere in your car (probable cause) and pigs love to make bullshit like that up
c)keep the smell away
-cologne, spray, cigarettes, anything but bud!
-if you do happened to get pulled over, and you smoke squares, spark one up!
d)only keep with you what you plan on smoking
-roll a blunt with you before you leave
e)STASH SPOT!
-one of the most important things about your car, must have a good stash spot.
-a good spot in your trunk is usually a good option or under your dashboard
-it may sound crazy, but if you get pulled over, and do happen to have something on you, and you have nowhere to hide it or no way to get rid of it, stick it in your pants.
-CROTCH THAT SHIT MAN! no bullshit, if a cop grabs on your shit like that, you turn around a bitch slap that officer!
f) eye drops
-vizene or anything of that sort will do you good, give the officer NO reason to fuck with you

g)MOST IMPORTANT
-never never never never let the officer search you
-i dont care what they say, cops are never out to help you, they have no say in your punishment, they will try and scare you until you shit your pants, but just let them sit around with their thumbs in their asses while they try and fuck with you
-if the cop says give me what you have and ill let you go, you know theres 2 options, trust him or dont.
-all cops are different in all citys, so its your decision. personally, i would never trust a fuckin law in my city, they gonna have to go thru hell to get my shit.

-(edit)always lock your door, wether it be in your bathroom or your room, and if you have no lock, than try and put something there to divert their attention (even though you were probally bellowing out a hella puff) never the less, do anything to stall!
-if anything, plead your not decent!


hope this guide helps all of you struggling smokers out!
im accepting all revisions and additions!
Enjoy GC

 

sploof? possibly trapping the smoke in something...
just put your mind to it man, trial and error is what creative genious' thrive off of