Ultimate Guide to Smoking In Your Dorm

The Ultimate Guide to Smoking In Your Dorm:

The biggest and obvious problem of smoking in your dorm is the smoke produced and the smell that comes along with it. I've been smoking in my dorm for awhile now, but when I first did it I wasn't sure how. I've read tons of guides on the internet, and have thought of numerous ways on my own, to smoke in a dorm creating no smell at all. There's a ton of different ways to do it. I've developed ways for many different scenarios, as I often find myself without air freshener or a poofilator, or some object that I would normally use to reduce smell and smoke. Since I have yet to find a guide that was worth a shit, I decided to create one and discuss techniques that I've found on my own.

Let's start with dealing with the smoke that comes off of your piece, as this is the easiest part.

Pieces of Choice:

Blunt/Joint- Don't do it. They both produce an uncontrollable amount of smoke.

Bong- It is possible to safely smoke from a bong in a dorm room. I'll get to how to deal with the exhaled smoke later, but for now we are going to eliminate the smoke that comes off the bong. To start off, don't pack a full bowl, pack maybe half or a quarter bowl, depending on how much you plan to smoke. You'll find yourself needing to smoke a lot less with the techniques used to eliminate exhaled smoke later. Now that the bowl is packed just hit it like you normally would, but instead of pulling the stem to clear it, simply put your finger on top of the bowl so it is completely sealed (this is why you don't want to pack a full bowl, you might burn yourself) then wait a few seconds for the ember to die. After a few seconds start sucking again with your finger still on the bowl, then remove your finger, so that all excess smoke will be sucked out into your lungs. Thus there will be no smoke emitted from the bong. I also recommend using a screen on your bong if you don't already. It allows you to load smaller bowls without sucking the weed through into the water.

Pipe- Smoking from a pipe is almost exactly the same as smoking from a bong. Except with the pipe, instead of a stem you have a carb. Just be sure to keep all holes plugged when you are letting the ember die, then suck before you remove your thumb from the bowl, then remove your thumb, then let of the carb.

One-Hitter- This one is pretty self explanatory, there's only one hole in and one hole out, so just plug the hole that your mouth isn't on to let them ember die, then suck in before letting off your finger. I use one that is suppose to look like a cigarette. I'm sure you've seen them, they are very cheap too, mine was only five bucks. They are great because if you don't feel like dealing with smoking in your dorm you can go outside and take a walk or sit in the smoking section.

Vaporizer- Vaporizers produce the least amount of smoke. If you can get afford an electric one, great. If you can build an electric like my friend, even more awesome. But if you, can't do either of those then never fear! We can build a poor mans vaporizer that uses a regular lighter as a heating element.

To do this you will need a light bulb, preferably clear, but if it's soft white then we can fix that later, a sharp knife, razor, or scissors, a straw or pen tube, an empty water bottle with the cap, and either hot glue or tape.

1.The first thing you need to do is remove the filament from the light bulb. Just use your cutting utensil of choice and basically stab through the screw on part of the light bulb until you can take the filament out.

2. After the filament is out and you have a nice size hole in the screw on part of the bulb, if your bulb is not clear you will need to pour some salt (if you're like me and don't own any you can get free salt at your local fast food franchise) into it and shake it around until all the magnesium sulfate is all at the bottom, then pour it out. You can wash it if you need or desire to, but don't try smoking out of it wet, it will be a pain in the ass.

3. Now here's the part that can be either tricky or easy. For me it was easy. Try screwing your water bottle cap onto your light bulb. I used the Arrowhead Eco-Shape bottle cap, and it fit perfectly. If it doesn't then you can work around this. All you have to do now is cut off the top part of the water bottle and either tape or hot glue it to the screw on part of the light bulb. Make sure you get a nice good seal. If you are working with hot glue you can lick your fingers and then you will be able to easily mold the glue to your desire.

4. Now all that's left to build is the cap. Just cut a decent sized hole in the cap, big enough to fit two straws or pins in side-by-side. It helps if the fit is a little tight so that you can wedge them both in there and they will stay held up by themselves. This way it's easy for you to seal the cap with hot glue or tape. One straw will have to be higher than the other. The shorter straw should also go deeper into the bulb than the longer straw. The longer straw will be the one you smoke out of, and the shorter straw will be the air intake. After they are set, seal all the holes in the cap with either tape or hot glue. Hot glue works the best for everything.

If you need further or better instructing there's some great videos on youtube. Once it's built you are ready to smoke it. All you do is put your happy plant inside the light bulb, screw on the cap, and put a lighter underneath it. Once it heats up enough you'll see it start to smoke and then begin inhaling. If you leave the lighter there long enough it'll ember some times, which means it's combusting not vaporizing, which can either be good or bad I guess. I didn't really give a shit, I just wanted to smoke, embered or not.


Exhaled Smoke:

There's many many different ways to deal with exhaled smoke, and some ways only work under certain conditions.

First lets deal with the presmoking precautions:

Air Freshener- It is always important to have on-hand some frebreeze or oust, or whatever you want to use. If it says it kills odors then it's good. Other air freshners that don't kill odors (mostly the fruity ones) will work, and are better than nothing. And even if you are like me, and used up all your air freshener and are too lazy to walk down to the store that's only right at the bottom of your dorm, you CAN do without it if you are experienced with controlling your smoke, but I'll get to that later.

Vents and Return Air- I'm not sure how different dorms across America are, but in my dorm we have return air vents. If you are oblivious to this concept, a return air vent is a vent under the air conditioner which, instead of blowing out air, takes air in from the room, creating circulation. In other words it's sucking in weed smoke and blowing it into other peoples rooms and possibly the hallway lol. If you have an intake vent the plug it up with wadded up blankets or towels. If' it's up higher you can always stack shit up there or use tape or something, be creative. Also some doors to the hallway have vents on them or even some doors have large cracks under them, it might be a good idea to plug those up too, depending on how close to your door you will be sitting. It's best to sit as far from your door as possible in any matter, unless the farthest place from the door is directly in front of a smoke alarm.

Smoke Alarms- Ok, unless you are a complete careless idiot, these shouldn't even make you paranoid. You're going to have to be puffin some major fuckin lah , or blowing your smoke right into it to set one of these off. They are meant to detect if the building is on fire, not if you are hitting an itty bitty pipe.

Non-Stoner Roommates- If you' have a roommate that smokes pot too, then fucking congratulations. But if you are like me or my buddy and don't then I've got some ways to deal with this. If you don't then you probably aren't as lucky as me and have a room mate from China. If you're room mate isn't from America and never shows any suspicion about your smoking shenanigans, then all you really have to worry about is him seeing you inhale and exhale smoke. Myself, and at times even up to three others can just go into the bathroom when my room mate is here and toke up and he never asks questions. This one time he even walked in when my buddy and I were frying on acid and had a bong right in front of us while we sat on a love sack, and we just hurried up and put it behind us and he didn't even ask.

Now, if you just have a regular room mate who you don't think would say anything if he smelt something funny, then you can just smoke whenever he is not there. Take some precautions as to knowing when he will be back. If you know he's in class for an hour or two then just relax and be a little careless. But if you don't know when he will be back then there are some things you can do to give you time to stash shit if he comes back. The first should be a no brainer. Lock the damn door. Use every lock it has on it. If you are like me and only have one lock on your door then there's something extra you can do to slow him. Put something in front of the door. I usually use my vacuum because I store it right next to the door and it doesn't seem suspicious for it to be there. Anything big that will cause the person entering the room confusion and occupy them long enough to stash your shit will suffice. Also, obviously, smoke near your stash spot or object.

If you are a hedonist like me, however, and would sacrifice the security to be able to smoke from a bong in the comfort of your own love sack, then I have some helpful tips. First have an object to stash your weed in rather than a place. Stash it in something portable. I stash mine in tea canisters under the tea bags, which works great because the tea masks the weed smell as well as looks unsuspicious, unlike a pillow with a zipper on it or some other stereotypical stash spot. I also love to drink the tea too! But if you aren't into tea then you can get some secret containers at smoke shops. Now for stashing your piece, if its small you could just put it in your pocket. If it's a bong that's no bigger than a foot tall, you can use the case from a 12-pack of soda and place it over it. If you're bong is massive, then something as easy as a blanket in an unsuspicious spot will work. Just be careful not to spill the bong water, or Flying Spaghetti Monster forbid, the bowl.

Now if your room mate is some anti-drug conservative fundamentalist snooty prick like my buddies, extra precaution should be taken. We've never had a direct encounter with him. He's only walked in and found us acting suspicious and complained about the room smelling funny. He actually approached my room mate and asked him not to smoke in the room anymore, even though he had never seen us physically smoking, he had only walked in while my buddy was sitting on the floor with a lighter in his hand lol, but no piece out or anything. The second time he directly asked us if we had been smoking because the room smelled funny. If your room mate is like this then take the extra precaution to make sure he just doesn't come back while your room smells funky, and definitely not during a smoke session. If you follow some of my later explained techniques, there shouldn't even be a hint of a funny smell, but not even those techniques can completely deal with a room mate like that walking in mid-session. If you have this kind of room mate then I suggest requesting a transfer. Because these pricks will turn you in if you push their buttons too much.

Exhaled Smoke:

The Poofilator- At least that's what we call it. I don't think there's another object on the planet that has more synonymous nouns to describe it. But I'm sure you've heard of it. I knew about it 3 years before I had ever even smoked weed. Basically, you take a toilet paper roll and stuff it with drier sheets. I usually rubberband one or tape one tightly over the end of one of the sides, and then put about 8 drier sheets in it. If you don't have a toilet paper roll on hand you can always cut a hole in the bottom of a plastic bottle and use it the same way. But the idea is that you exhale all of your smoke through it and it comes out smelling like fresh laundry, or some times fresh laundry and weed lol. You are probably thinking, "Fuck, I don't have drier sheets, maybe I can soak some tissue in frebreeze and use that instead." This way doesn't really work that all. It has to be drier sheets. If you use air freshened tissues it will smell like weed and air freshener.

I personally hate this tool and never use it. It was what everyone recommended online to use and what I used for awhile until I was forced to find other ways. Now that I've developed other methods of dealing with exhaled smoke, this one has become my least favorite. I dislike it for many reasons. First off you have to change the drier sheets after every couple or single session to ensure that the smoke is being made to smell like laundry and not just coming out smelling like freshly washed weed. Secondly I always forget it, or can't find it, or don't feel like looking for it. And third, even though I think the smoke smells like drier sheets, maybe it smells a little like weed and I can't tell. Basically, I don't like it because it releases smoke into the air.

Buddy-Breathing- If you are smoking with someone then this is by far the best technique. I'm sure you've all heard of shot gunning, and this is very similar, except this you can do heterosexually with anyone. All you need is an object with two holes in it. I prefer a hookah hose, or some clear rubber tubing (we have all kinds of random shit laying around the dorm that most people don't have). The hookah hose is also great because the smoke that comes out of it smells fruity. If you don't have something like this you can always cut a hole in the bottom of a water bottle and do it that way, just make sure your mouth can fit over the entire hole. Now basically you use this device to shot gun the smoke to your smoking buddy, but instead of he/she exhaling it they pass it back. You simply continue to pass it back and forth until all of the smoke has absorbed into both of your lungs. The great thing about this is not only does it not produce any smoke, it also gets everyone higher off of less weed.

Ghosting it- You might have heard the term ghosting it before, it has some other terms to describe it too, but those escape me right now. Basically, from what I understand, is that you simply hold the smoke in your lungs until it all absorbs and none comes out when you exhale. I don't know about everyone else, but no matter how long I hold the smoke it never seems to go away. If you are like me then no worries, because I've figured out how to get the same effect. All you do is take your hit, but only fill up about 1/2 to 3/4 of your lung capacity. Then after you take the hit, hold it in and use your remaining lung capacity to breathe. Just breathe in all the way then exhale a little and breathe back in. Don't exhale too much or smoke will come out. Through trial and error you can figure out about how long you need to hold it. Just exhale slowly and if a tiny bit of smoke comes out then breathe back in and continue holding. This way also gets you higher with less weed.

Ghost Bottle- Now if for some reason you are having trouble with ghosting it, I developed a tool to aid you. Actually, I discovered this before discovering how to ghost it. This way is similar to ghosting it, except I think it's a little easier on the lungs which can be beneficial for people who don't smoke regularly. Basically, you just cut a small hole in the side of the water bottle, but at the bottom. Then you blow your smoke in the top of it and when you see the bottle fill with smoke, or a little smoke comes out of the hole, immediately suck all the smoke back in. Then you just basically hyperventilate into the water bottle until the smoke is gone enough to satisfy you.

Preferences and Suggestions:

Group of experienced smokers- If you are smoking with a buddy that you always smoke with or someone that you know knows what the fuck they are doing, then I prefer smoking from a bong. Bongs produce a lot of smoke, and are probably the most difficult to smoke inside without generating smoke. But if you are competent that both your partner and yourself aren't going to cough your smoke out all over the room, and that you both understand how to clear the bong of smoke, then go for it. I've been in countless situations where my buddy's girlfriend will take a hit she can't handle, leave the bong and steam smoking, and cough her smoke all over the room. Then we have to go to fucking code red because we were too lazy to go buy some air freshener.... it's an unpleasant smoking experience that I'd rather avoid. So if you and your buddy haven't gotten smoke control down with smaller pieces, then I wouldn't suggest smoking from a bong just yet.

Group of inexperienced smokers- If you or your friends don't smoke much and you want to smoke in your dorm then I would recommend a pipe or even a sneekatoke. The pipe's smoke emissions are a lot easier to control than the bong, you aren't accidentally taking too big of hits off of it, and it's just all around chiller. Sneekatokes work really good if as well if you don't mind smoking from them. I don't like smoking from them very much because I like being able to see the weed as I'm trying to light it, it makes it easier to take good hits. Also if you aren't experienced be sure to have air freshener on hand. I smoke all the time now without it, but smoking with these techniques has become so routine to me that there's never a molecule of smoke escaping into my room.

Solo Experienced Smoker- If you're smoking by yourself, I suggest smoking from whatever piece you are most comfortable with. If you are going to be ghosting it then it might be a better idea to use a pipe than a bong unless you've practiced it enough. I use both my pipe and bong about 50/50. It just depends on what I'm in the mood for. The pipe is gentler and more relaxing. But the bong gets you so baked that if you were planning on smoking and going to get some food you're probably just going to chill in your dorm for awhile instead.

Solo Inexperienced Smoker- If you aren't very experienced at smoking then definitely use a pipe at most, maybe even a light bulb vaporizer or one-hitter. Try using a ghost bottle, but if you have a problem with coughing then just settle for the poofilator. And ALWAYS be sure you know when your room mate will be back, especially if he is a drug-nazi.

CODE RED!:

So your friends girlfriend just spilt the bong and bellowed an enormous cloud of smokey goodness all over your room- Don't panic. If you're intake vents are covered, just stay cool and air freshen the shit out of your room. If they aren't covered try to cover them quickly and have someone else air freshen the room while you do it. If you are like me and never remember to or feel like making a special trip to get air freshener then just gather up your shit, take what drugs and paraphernalia you can with you, and stash whatever you can't, and go for a little walk. If you have a locking cabinet in your room throw your shit in there instead. If you aren't high enough to be paranoid enough to go to all this trouble, or if you just smoked the “I can't find my keys weed” and give up looking, then just chill in your room and hope your room mate or the popo doesn't walk in and ask what that smell is.

So there's a knock at the door followed by deep voice announcing themselves to be the police- While this has yet to happen to me personally, I know a few kids who it has happened to. Don't worry though, they weren't smoking safely when they got caught. They weren't using even a single technique I've discussed. At most they might have used air freshener. But if some fucking how this happens to you, you should at least have an idea of what to do. The people that I know that it happened to ended up talking their way out of it. If you are alone then shout one second and announce that you are getting dressed. If you are with someone else, both of you need to act quickly to stash the shit in a damn good spot. I keep my shit in tea canisters in my food drawer which has a combination lock on it. Bigger pieces I wrap in some type of cloth and stash it in a lockable drawer where I also keep my hookah stuff. Now if you're room smells then spray some shit. Just make sure you don't take forever to get to that door or it will cause suspicion. If you cause suspicion and they ask what took you so long you can always say, you were masturbating (if alone) or you were having sex (if with someone), even if you are with someone of the same sex. Who are they to tell you your sexual orientation? Maybe don't come straight out and say it, just be like what we were doing is private, or something and then spin it around on them about how they are interrupting your intimacy and how you are paying thousands of dollars to live there and can't get any damn privacy.

So now I'm caught- I'm not sure what the policy is at your colleges, but I think here you only get a warning the first time. I met a girl about a month ago who had been caught smoking in her dorm and she had to go to some class and pay a fine, but it was all done through the college, without any legal actions taken. Look into your college's rules and punishments for smoking violations.

That's about all the advice I have for you all. I smoke in my dorm all the time, and since perfecting these techniques, I've never even been questioned. I've had a hit held in while my room mate walked in the door and I ghosted that shit and he didn't smell a thing. I've even smoked while my friends nazi room mate was asleep, just to spite the prick. Now that I've mastered smoking in my dorm I'm working on smoking other places. If you ever just want to smoke outside, you can probably find some secluded place on campus if your campus is big enough. Just walk around with a buddy at night looking for a place. I've smoked in zen gardens, and various places around campus. Those nights are always the funnest.

Anyways, I hope my guide has helped some of you lead a college career of , effective, safe and comfortable smoking. Remember, as I like to say, an experienced smoker isn't the one who can smoke the most weed. It's the one who can get the high he wants, using the least amount of weed, while doing it in style.

 

Neither mine nor my buddy's dorm has windows that you can open, but if you can open your window then obviously that's a good way to get the smell out of your room. That's why I'm so concerned with zero smoke lol, the smoke can only diffuse into my room and the rest of the building, and I'd rather it not diffuse into either of those places lol.