[savage_goose]

well this might be a long post...

my sister is the most horrible person i have ever met in my life (that is the truth i have never met anyone else who i loath more, though i am shure terrible people are out there), she suffers from depression and has been a constant burden on me. she has never been there for me the way a sister should, and has only ever kicked me when i have been down before, or tried to bring me down when i was up. i cannot think of one way she has ever positivly influenced my life, and believe me i have tried.


from a young age, 5 to be exact i was tormented by her. she is 7 years older than me. when i was 5 and 6 i had to take the bus to and from school (1 hour trip) every day with her, my other sister (who is ok but were not really close) and a bunch of older kids, same age as her. i was picked on every day, tormented more. imagine being that young and having to deal with kids who looked like giants. to be honest i couldnt deal and owuld be in tears most of the days we got home. i was living in a foriegn country at the time so the bus driver and lady who looked after us on the bus couldnt speak english so they didnt know what was going on, and couldnt report anything to anybody. nothing was done about my problem. that is the worst of it, except for three years when i was in grades 4, 5 and 6.


i was still too young and stupid to really defend my self still and she was going through her most destructive years, she would not take her medication, i came honme to cops 3 times, and they were phoned to take her away for the night twice. she was the worst to me because i am the youngest and most vulnerable in my family, making me the obvious target for her hatred. one major that sticks out in my memory is that during these years like any well into puberty teenager she cared about her looks a bit too much. she would lock herself into our only bathroom for about 2 to even 5 hours a day. what was she doing? picking at her face. yes i know it is pathetic but she would sometimes come out of the bathroom with bloody self inflicted wounds on her forhead, cheeks or w/e. i could really go into detail about some of the things she has done and said but i will not because i am shure i could write a short book on it. but just to give another example, i lost my first tooth when she convinced me she had some novelty bubblegum which was made to look like a rock the size of a large marbel. it hurt. lots of blood. at christmas my parents give each of us 20 dollars per family member to buy gifts. she gives used cd's and 4 dollar packages from the dollar store and keeps the money, even the holiday spirit is something she doesnt understand. she also tried killing herself with sleeping pills, tylenol and everything else in the house too, but she called an ambulance and they pumped it out in time to save her.


in later years she dropped out of highschool in gr 11 and took night courses while still living with us, making me unhappy, untill she graduated. she does not go to college. she slept for about the next two years and took drugs(i only know that weed and x are on the list). still making me unhappy. then she finally moved into a shitty 1 room 1 bathroom apartment under a lawyers office. she moved in and out of our home and other homes for the next year. now she has a job as a telemarketer, saving money to go to community college, even though it would be a miracle if she could complete a college course, she has never shown any sign of strength ever. she has moved on to dangerous , uncertain chemicle drugs such as amt (go to erowid) which are dangerous and probably for a person like her even more stupid of a thing to do. well during the later years up untill now i would respond to her with anger, yelling and swearing, we even got into 2 fist fights which landed me in counceling. i never got councelled because i never spoke a single word and didnt go back after 2 silent sessions. now i am silent and hold in my pent up rage (even though she doesnt make me as angry as she used too).

but a small ball is still in my stomach and i can feel it grow every time i think about her. untill my mind goes elsewhere and it shrinks again but still remains. she is like a poison if i were to use one word to explain how she fits into my life. she infects my happy feelings and ruins everything that is good with her presence. i cannot bear to be in a room with her, sitting near her is just to hard if you can believe it. i do not fight anymore because i know i hurt my parents too when i do this. i feel extreme sadness and anger at the same time. i am now depressed because i have written this. i feel very sad. i realize that she is the problem but i must be the solution becuase she never will be. i have spoke to my parents and she will be living here for at least another 3 years. she is few years over 20 now. i cant stand to think of 3 more years with her and i cant move out because that wouldnt be the right choice for my life right now. i am thinking of going back to get counceling to talk over my problems and maybe get rid of the knot in my stomach which has shrunk but will not go away. i did not come here to bitch even though i guess i just did. posting this in a place where i know people will read it is thereaputic in some way or another. thanks if u read the whole thing.

p.s. my parents put up with this horrible shit because they are forgiving cristians.