Grasscity.com Forums - View Single Post - Satan exists in a small, orange and white pill called adderall (long)

Hashbrownies · #1 (**permalink**) 06-18-2005, 10:54 AM

Right now, I still feel it, I'm awake, it's 3 o'clock in my timezone and I ain't got shit to do. I don't feel like myself, and yet, I know I'm myself, I'm pretty sure adderall has changed me for good, but I'll have to wait it out.

I first tried adderall just about a week ago, I took time release bitches, and all I did was talk, stay up, and have no appetite. I actually rather liked it, because I did feel a minor euphoria, but you can't tell when someone is on it. So I got some more, for free, from my friend who has ADHD. I decided to open one and eat the little balls, and chew some Jolt caffeine gum to multiply the effects.

I made a thread on how sad I was that a good series, Azumanga, wouldn't go on anymore. I was genuinely sad at the fact that there was no more. I re-watched the last episode again prior to popping this little orange monster and I had a lump in my throat, and thought I was going to cry, again. I watched Azumanga while, I'm guessing, coming down, and although I didn't watch the same episode, I watched an earlier one, it had no effect one me. It was almost genuinely new to me, although I'd seen it before. That was about the point I realized I lost my mind, or gained it, I don't know.

Anyway, for your...enjoyment, maybe, I'll post the transition of this mind bending happenstance, and what may possibly ruin drugs for me, using a comentary and exerpts from AIM conversations, now with out further ado:

"Satan exists in a small, orange and white pill called adderall"

About 8:30, I opened up this orange pill took out the insides and put them in some Trix yogurt, becuase it tastes bad.

10:30ish I start to feel it, I'm kind of warm, I don't really care what people think, and I'm a little tingly.

I talk to my man, James Dorgan about his webcomic Ih8Uprod.com and I remember this comic where the character drinks 10 bottles of lsd, or something. It was funny, a little later I IM this girl because I feel good and want her to know how I feel, this is what I say:

"#####, I just wanted to tell you that I care about you, not in the sense that most do these days, I don't care about you because I want you, I mean I'd take a bullet for you, but its not because I want to make out with you, I mean, I wouldn't mind making out with you, but its deeper than that, I just wanted to thank you for being cool with me, I know I suck alot of the time, just, y'know I wanted to get that in"

All I get from her is "thanks", that really ruins my euphoria and I start to IM people about it.

and I get "thanks"
just thanks
that's all
that's fucking al

To another person:

I pour my heart out to this girl, and she pours it down the drain like flat coca-cola

And another:

thanks, for fuck's sake
she's an ungrateful bitch

And:

just thanks, I'd rather her say "I hate you, you stupid fat son of a bitch"
but no, she says thanks
that's not even a real response bitch
goddamn

I was obviously pissed off, I think that's what ruined it, but I started to think differently, kind of like I just realized I was me, but I was like a substitue me, or something, honestly, it was the worst feeling, ever. Time was going fucking slow, I thought it'd be like 5 in the morning, but it was only 1 o clockish. I was pissed, I though, I'm still not sure what I feel, but all of a sudden, like...getting hit by a bus, when you're out jogging, it just hit me. I didn't feel different, and yet I did. I felt like I was in a balloon world, inside the balloon was sanity, safe, normal...sanity, outside was insanity, I wasn't outside of it, but it felt like the outside was leaking in somehow. This is when I watched an episode of Azumanga, I used the show as a "norm" if you will, I know how I felt while watching it, and although I laughed, once, maybe twice during the episode, I knew it wasn't the same, I started to feel bad about lying, cheating, anything I've done in the past or was going to do in the future. I felt bad because I was planning on buying the Azumanga DVDs. That's not something to regret, however the one thing I knew deserved regret was taking this little devil.

Over about ten, maybe twenty minutes, this is what I felt, again please excuse my spelling/grammar/other errors.

I totally know
inside I know women are more than objects
there's more to life than sex
all that, but when I try to act on my thoughts, it seems wrong, awkward
like telling your wife you want a divorce at her sister's wedding
ugh
I feel shitty
like, I don't know you, ####
I don't care what you think
but I do know you, and well...wait, I don't care what you think
but damn, I fucking hate this shit
I don't ever wanna do this shit again or anything else
I don't feel like me!
I'm someone else with ####'s (my) memories fucking with his life
fuck!
sorry, but you're like my notepad, I'm just typing what I'm thinking
nothing seems in place
its all here but its all mixed up
the universe is a fucking puzzle ####
and I lost the last peice
it's here but I can't find it
its just balck
so I'll take a peice of paper, and color black and cut it to fit
that peice of paper is me ####
I'm the fucking peice of paper
gh, I swear if I feel like this for the rest of my life, I'm gonna pissed the fuck off
it didn't even do anything
this is me
I just can't accept me
I can't accpet myself ####
but I didn't feel like that before
ure I was a bit insecure but its like I'm a different person
all in this night
for no reason
I understand my interests, who I talk to, the people I hang with, in whole life, but it's just not my peice of cake anymore
and I don't know why
I knew me, but didn't know I was me
I guess I do now
I know I'm me
and it sucks
I'm a hypocrit
a liar
a pedophile I'm not, I don't have the slightlest idea why I said that
I swear
I do drugs
I'm ugly, and fat
I constantly make a fool of myself for my friends' cheap laughter
teachers say I'm smart, I believe I'm more or less, smart, and yet I make such a fool of myself people think I'm retarrded

That was it, I felt horrible, the worst part was, that horrible, horrible feeling felt normal, like its meant to be there, but I knew it wasn't. Like the episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation, where there's an alternate universe where the Enterprise is a warship, and the only one that knew something was wrong was Guinan, I'm Guinan. I'm pretty sure its mostly worn off by now, but I still have that dark feeling, a lonely, horrible feeling. I think I'll only know whether or not its permanent is after a good night's sleep, which isn't going to be tonight.

This essay... of sorts, is mostly for myself, the last time I did it, I didn't really remember what I did while on it, what I said, this was long, but I thank those who stayed awake through it. Have a nice evening, ladies and gentlemen.

THE END

-HashBrownies

Yeah, I know, I have all of 8or 9 posts and I'm guessing 3, 4 maybe 5 of those are new threads, I apologise, but honestly, I do look at threads without posting, etc. And this may have been better suited for the real life stories section, but I feel it'll get moe attention here.

#1 (permalink) 06-18-2005, 10:54 AM
Hashbrownies Registered User Join Date: May 2005 Posts: 165	Satan exists in a small, orange and white pill called adderall (long) Right now, I still feel it, I'm awake, it's 3 o'clock in my timezone and I ain't got shit to do. I don't feel like myself, and yet, I know I'm myself, I'm pretty sure adderall has changed me for good, but I'll have to wait it out. I first tried adderall just about a week ago, I took time release bitches, and all I did was talk, stay up, and have no appetite. I actually rather liked it, because I did feel a minor euphoria, but you can't tell when someone is on it. So I got some more, for free, from my friend who has ADHD. I decided to open one and eat the little balls, and chew some Jolt caffeine gum to multiply the effects. I made a thread on how sad I was that a good series, Azumanga, wouldn't go on anymore. I was genuinely sad at the fact that there was no more. I re-watched the last episode again prior to popping this little orange monster and I had a lump in my throat, and thought I was going to cry, again. I watched Azumanga while, I'm guessing, coming down, and although I didn't watch the same episode, I watched an earlier one, it had no effect one me. It was almost genuinely new to me, although I'd seen it before. That was about the point I realized I lost my mind, or gained it, I don't know. Anyway, for your...enjoyment, maybe, I'll post the transition of this mind bending happenstance, and what may possibly ruin drugs for me, using a comentary and exerpts from AIM conversations, now with out further ado: "Satan exists in a small, orange and white pill called adderall" About 8:30, I opened up this orange pill took out the insides and put them in some Trix yogurt, becuase it tastes bad. 10:30ish I start to feel it, I'm kind of warm, I don't really care what people think, and I'm a little tingly. I talk to my man, James Dorgan about his webcomic Ih8Uprod.com and I remember this comic where the character drinks 10 bottles of lsd, or something. It was funny, a little later I IM this girl because I feel good and want her to know how I feel, this is what I say: "#####, I just wanted to tell you that I care about you, not in the sense that most do these days, I don't care about you because I want you, I mean I'd take a bullet for you, but its not because I want to make out with you, I mean, I wouldn't mind making out with you, but its deeper than that, I just wanted to thank you for being cool with me, I know I suck alot of the time, just, y'know I wanted to get that in" All I get from her is "thanks", that really ruins my euphoria and I start to IM people about it. and I get "thanks" just thanks that's all that's fucking al To another person: I pour my heart out to this girl, and she pours it down the drain like flat coca-cola And another: thanks, for fuck's sake she's an ungrateful bitch And: just thanks, I'd rather her say "I hate you, you stupid fat son of a bitch" but no, she says thanks that's not even a real response bitch goddamn I was obviously pissed off, I think that's what ruined it, but I started to think differently, kind of like I just realized I was me, but I was like a substitue me, or something, honestly, it was the worst feeling, ever. Time was going fucking slow, I thought it'd be like 5 in the morning, but it was only 1 o clockish. I was pissed, I though, I'm still not sure what I feel, but all of a sudden, like...getting hit by a bus, when you're out jogging, it just hit me. I didn't feel different, and yet I did. I felt like I was in a balloon world, inside the balloon was sanity, safe, normal...sanity, outside was insanity, I wasn't outside of it, but it felt like the outside was leaking in somehow. This is when I watched an episode of Azumanga, I used the show as a "norm" if you will, I know how I felt while watching it, and although I laughed, once, maybe twice during the episode, I knew it wasn't the same, I started to feel bad about lying, cheating, anything I've done in the past or was going to do in the future. I felt bad because I was planning on buying the Azumanga DVDs. That's not something to regret, however the one thing I knew deserved regret was taking this little devil. Over about ten, maybe twenty minutes, this is what I felt, again please excuse my spelling/grammar/other errors. I totally know inside I know women are more than objects there's more to life than sex all that, but when I try to act on my thoughts, it seems wrong, awkward like telling your wife you want a divorce at her sister's wedding ugh I feel shitty like, I don't know you, #### I don't care what you think but I do know you, and well...wait, I don't care what you think but damn, I fucking hate this shit I don't ever wanna do this shit again or anything else I don't feel like me! I'm someone else with ####'s (my) memories fucking with his life fuck! sorry, but you're like my notepad, I'm just typing what I'm thinking nothing seems in place its all here but its all mixed up the universe is a fucking puzzle #### and I lost the last peice it's here but I can't find it its just balck so I'll take a peice of paper, and color black and cut it to fit that peice of paper is me #### I'm the fucking peice of paper gh, I swear if I feel like this for the rest of my life, I'm gonna pissed the fuck off it didn't even do anything this is me I just can't accept me I can't accpet myself #### but I didn't feel like that before ure I was a bit insecure but its like I'm a different person all in this night for no reason I understand my interests, who I talk to, the people I hang with, in whole life, but it's just not my peice of cake anymore and I don't know why I knew me, but didn't know I was me I guess I do now I know I'm me and it sucks I'm a hypocrit a liar a pedophile I'm not, I don't have the slightlest idea why I said that I swear I do drugs I'm ugly, and fat I constantly make a fool of myself for my friends' cheap laughter teachers say I'm smart, I believe I'm more or less, smart, and yet I make such a fool of myself people think I'm retarrded That was it, I felt horrible, the worst part was, that horrible, horrible feeling felt normal, like its meant to be there, but I knew it wasn't. Like the episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation, where there's an alternate universe where the Enterprise is a warship, and the only one that knew something was wrong was Guinan, I'm Guinan. I'm pretty sure its mostly worn off by now, but I still have that dark feeling, a lonely, horrible feeling. I think I'll only know whether or not its permanent is after a good night's sleep, which isn't going to be tonight. This essay... of sorts, is mostly for myself, the last time I did it, I didn't really remember what I did while on it, what I said, this was long, but I thank those who stayed awake through it. Have a nice evening, ladies and gentlemen. THE END -HashBrownies Yeah, I know, I have all of 8or 9 posts and I'm guessing 3, 4 maybe 5 of those are new threads, I apologise, but honestly, I do look at threads without posting, etc. And this may have been better suited for the real life stories section, but I feel it'll get moe attention here.