[TheHempress]

I tried to do it myself nearly two years ago. I have been dealing with my own depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember, and that summer was just the icing on the cake.

I don't even know exactly what it was that helped me through it...I didn't take my meds, my family treated me like shit when I got out of the hospital (calling me crazy behind my back and so on), some of my friends ditched me afterwards and even said they wished that I had actually done it. Damn, that makes me depressed remembering that.

All I know is that after a couple of months I started to climb out of the hole, on my own. Two years later I can barely imagine what was going through my head to bring me to that point. I have a lot to live for now. I'm getting married next year and at the end of August we're expecting our first child. If I had actually succeeded back then I would never have lived to be a mother.

I think I finally realized that sometimes awesome things can still happen to you, and wading through the muck is sometimes worth it to get there. Do I still think about killing myself sometimes? Sure, sure I do...but not seriously anymore. And I don't think I could bring myself as close to it as I did that summer.