[Dirt King]

I've always thought about it, almost every day for as long as I can remember, but I can't really say what it is that gets me through it... I have no idea what religion I am officially, my mom is catholic and my dad is Christian (I suppose I am Christian, now anyways), and rather than being told I am that religion and to believe it and follow that direction, I made my own choice, and just started reading the Bible and I do believe in God and Jesus and the prophets and all that, but rather than seeing the Bible as what I have to be doing, I see it as more of a manual for life... Knowing right from wrong, and how to deal with things helps a lot, and being able to say "Well, as much as I may think I should get revenge on that one guy, I'll leave it up to God, because he's a heck of a lot smarter/wiser than I will ever be. So I'll just forget about what he did, and keep on living. God will remember." is probably the biggest thing that helps me going on in the right path. Then there's family, a lot of them I may not like sometimes, and other times I'll downright hate them, but I remember about how to get through things, and I forget about the problems we had between each other. Then there's the thing that really get you going... like you waking up in the morning and on your way to the bathroom you stub your toe on the counter, and then after you make breakfast and put it on the table you go to get dressed while it cools, and you come back and the dog stole it, now you're late for work and your car doesn't start, then when it finally does and you're on your way to work you get in a fender bender, then finally you're sitting at work with a growling stomach thinking about the day you've had so far, and asking God "what did I do to deserve this day? I try to be as kind as I physically can... etc. etc.", (*lol, I hate it when I type too much and forget where I'm going with it*) and as shitty as your life may seem, it can be a lot worse, and life isn't easy, nor should it be expected to be, if it was easy we'd all be on cloud 9 and eating pie... Life is hard, just as any test is... You either pass, fail, or come out even and God decides where you go once the test is over. Not only is life a test, it's a gift, and as a lot of people will tell you, it's worth all the paper cuts you may get while trying to unwrap it!
Life is hard, and what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, whether it be physically or mentally. I find that as time goes on, no matter what it's about, things don't really get easier or harder, but they stay the same difficulty and only seem to change in terms of what they're about... The more you live, the more you learn, and the less if at all things that previously bothered you, will continue to do so (I think about suicide less and less the more time goes by). Yet, there are always new things out there that can come unexpectedly and tear you to pieces. You have to live through those things in order to keep them at bay. If you ignore what is bothering you, and try to continue living without overcoming obstacles, life will always seem to be impossible down the road, and not worth even living another day "for what, so I can get screwed over by life then too?! no thanks, death is faster." - It is faster, but where are you going that you want to go so fast? Life is really only as bad as you want it to be... You see those crazy people in that psychiatric institute, they live in a cage, and have only their minds to live in. To them nothing is real, yet everything they think is real is to them.. they can still smile. And you see those retarded people that walk around all goofy, and when you tell them the simplest joke.. they can still laugh. As hard and as cruel as life really is to them on the outside, they're strong on the inside, things are incapable of harming them. As weird as either of their bodies may look, they're made of Armour.
John Wayne has said "Life is tough, it's tougher if you're stupid." And that's only true for those of us who are considered normal mentaly... So, the more you can learn about other cultures and see things from other peoples perspectives, the better off you'll be. And I bet if you look hard enough, you'll wonder why they even bothered to continue living... They have they're reasons. Some people just give up on finding their reason and give up on life entirely in the process. Life's not as long as it seems, and it can be happy. It's all up to you, this is your world, what do you want it to be?
You know when you look down that highway and it seems like a million miles to the other end, and you think you'll never be able to make it...? Just start walking, and sooner or later a car will come by, it may just keep going without even giving you a second look... But sooner or later one of them cars is gonna stop and offer you a ride... Even though the car might not have any floor, or even a roof, or windows or doors, and the road might be really bumpy.... You're not walking anymore. And you're not alone. And eventually the road is gonna end, and you'll see that person drive off, and you'll be glad that you didn't give up because you made it, and you now know that it wasn't impossible. - I guess the moral is, that life may seem hard and tiresome, and a few 'rides' may pass by without a care about you, but as long as you keep trying, sooner or later you'll get a lift (whether it's you becoming rich, or just seeing that things aren't so bad), and your body wont ache, and although life still might not be great or perfect in your eyes, you're still in a lot better of a position than a lot of other people who still have to walk that road and may not get a lift at all, and near the end of your life people will pass on and you'll feel sad, but know you're not far behind, and rejoice and know that where you'll be going now is one you've worked for and are so very glad you didn't give up, because of all the thing's you would've missed out on


Well, I didn't put out everything about me and what I think... If I did, it'd take forever and I'd be 110 still sitting here typing indefinitely. So take what you will and live your life the way you want to live it, and don't care so much about what people have done to you and what they think about you, because in the end, what they've done won't matter to you.
And don't take life too seriously, it plays a lot of jokes on you now and then, and you gotta know when to laugh.
So next time you're thinking how ironic it is, you sitting there at your desk thinking about how hard your day was or sitting there with a gun in hand, just remember that that's one of life's little jokes, and just crack up laughing like a crazy man and don't stop until you feel better... and once you feel better, giggle a little more, knowing you finally get life's jokes. Okay?

Take care buddy