I feel fairly choked by lack of understanding. I feel that I have a.. sound understanding of the way that things operate and the place I should take in this system. But do I understand the universe? Most definitely not. Hearing a person say they dropped acid and suddenly knew so much and understood why we are alive iritates me to an extent. Did they really, or is this what they allowed themselves to believe was happening as they experienced the new dimension of thought? They might have theories but I've never agreed on one, and I suppose neither did many others or else everyone would know 'the answer' by now..? The analogy of unlocking a door in your mind is more appropriate, and it did feel this way for me the first few times. Over a period of time they have lost this ability to cleanse my soul and lately when I take psychedelics I am not on the right path at all, I am searching inside myself almost desperately, feeling the void. So I end up tumbling through my mind even simply to scrape up a comforting thought like trying to frantically piece together a puzzle in the dark, all the while I'm falling into an anxiety attack. Maybe I blew it somewhere along the line?
I do qualify for a lot of those symptoms listed above in a previous post, but something tells me they are netting a pretty huge area of normal emotions or sensations one would experience in life regardless of who they were. The idea people have of a deeper meaning of themselves and a brighter all important future after their travels and experiences through life as a physical body (on Earth
) dont satisfy me much. It is kind of vain, and I suppose very human. But I do not have another theory, I feel more like I should wait until I'm shown.
I should declare that my post is not targetted towards any particular person' beliefs or statements. I felt like emulating a psychiatrist session (I can imagine they wouldn't do much more than sit there nodding their head and hmming before offering a patronizing comment?)