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Old 05-12-2008, 11:58 PM
eldude-arino is offline  
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eldude-arino
if ur not into brevity
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Three 1 Sevun
Posts: 1,818
anyone acting creeped out... have you ever been emotionally invested in someone and felt the cold stinging backhand of finding out they cheated on you?

better off getting it out this way than actually going and murdering his ex and the dude she slept with.... a la http://forum.grasscity.com/pandora-s...er-friend.html

i'm with oddity, in a way, it starts out almost as if the girl the speaker see's through the keyhole is unwilling, rather than unfaithful.

**sidenote: i get that this was "vent" writing, but why not tweak it while the emotion is still raw and in the second draft, rather than look at it as your emotion, try to relate to the reader what you felt... get their heart racing and make them feel the loss the speaker (you) feels**

it's raw, but really has potential
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