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Yeah thats true.
I didn't mean for my post to sound all freaked out and negative, but the way he describes it does really freak you out and draw on more raw, realistic freakyness, rather than something that almost seems more... poetic or theatrical or something along those lines; which can also be its strong points and make this a wonderful piece.
I think it would help if it were a bit longer and maybe be given a bit of structure for people to follow, there are bits of info/plot that I feel would give it more understanding?
Like, I know this is going to sound really mean, but it sounds kind of like a guy whos just a bit too obsessive, posessive, jealous and childish to really understand and sympathize you know? It does kind of sound like this character went on a self pity rampage and decided to take it to murder rather than realize what was actually happening you know?
I would say adding a bit more despair and such, as if this whole thing has truly droven him mad, but more along the lines of a depressed psychotic than what can be interpreted as a pitiful and immature psychotic... does that make sense?
I'm not sure... I mean as a rough draft, it IS raw and it IS very good for being the original because it is the thought in its purest form. But I think for people to be able to wrap their minds around this without feeling threatened would to possibly give them something to sympathize with so they understand more accurately where you're coming from you know?
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