[raw tunes]

so i have a math test tomorrow
and i have not been able to study at all for the past week (despite many valiant efforts)
so i was like, fuck this test is tomorrow
i got a 20 mg adderall, took it at 4
and im in the zone
Im about to head to work, but after that its back to the books


Positives
Very Focused
Great Mood Enhancer
Just all around happy

Negatives
Somewhat Jittery
Very Intense Cotton Mouth
Amazing Mood Enhancer (Im listing this as a negative also, because I could see how I would start to take it strictly for this reason)


THE PLEASE READ SECTION
My issue with taking it for the Mood Enhancement is that my mother has been addicted to Anti-Depressants her whole life
and its ripped us apart
shes been in and out of the hospital, in and out of jail, and in and out of my life for the past 10 years.
and her actions have always disgusted me, the fact that shes willing to throw away a relationship with her 2 sons just for some pills
but she didnt just take them to feel good mood wise, she got fucked up on them
and hardly knows me because what ive told her and experienced with her, she was too fucked up to remember
i remember her fighting my dad in court to get weekend visits with me and my brother
and then the first time we came over
she was cool for about 2 hours
and then she was passed out on the kitchen floor for a good 4 hours
then me and brother just left and went home

ive seen what abusing drugs can do to someone, how much it can change them
and im afraid her weaknesses have been genetically passed down to me
regardless of how in control I feel of my life, meaning I hardly drink and only smoke to reward myself for school work and on the weekends
but these 2 things are hardly addicting and im afraid with a more legit drug, ill become addicted and head down the path shes traveled down

im determined to avoid the mistakes shes made, not to mention my father has raised me better then that

so baiscially i need some advice on what do
should i just stop with the whole adderall thing immediately to avoid my genetic weaknesses
or am i over analyzing this, because it really does greatly improve my studying experience
but im willing to say fuck the easier studying in order to potentially save my life


Please help, as you can see this is pretty serious