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Thanks for the comments guys. Don't worry I have worked out all of the issues I had with this and have moved on from things. I'm a very rational person and writing like this really helps whenever something happens that I need to deal with. I'm psychologically "well" but just really enjoy dark literature.
Pink oddity I really like your suggestion and I may re-write this piece but through an entirely different perspectivce. And thank you for your criticism, without it I could never better myself as a writer.
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