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It's really creative and descriptive. You must still be mad about the whole thing. That's totally understandable. Everyone deals with their anger one way or another. Just realize that you can't dwell on it. And make sure you start moving to the acceptance/i don't give a fuck about this chick-stage.
Keep 'em coming, though. But I want to eventually see some happier things. If you're capable to putting so much emotion into this piece, flowing happiness will be a piece of cake.
+: can I make a suggestion? It was really good, don't get me wrong. But it kind of was stitched together. Like, you know the writer was spying on the girl. You knew the girl was cheating on him. You knew there was surprise. You knew there was murder. You knew there was death. You knew there was rape.
If I personally was to write this piece, I would have added a bit of mystery to it. Instead of piecing the picture together openly, it would have been cool to see it through a 'madder' perspective. Like, the person is openly killing and raping this girl. He's obviously a wee 'mad' (in the sense of crazy. But crazy isn't a nice word). So maybe it would have been nice to see it through the eyes of someone who isn't logically thinking. Like, maybe he thought he was welcomed to this room. Or maybe he thought the boy was raping her, and she wasn't willing.
It's hard to explain, but you don't have to listen to me.
I'm not a writer.
Ed: Should I add that I don't condone murder, violence, rape, or any of that such? I was just commenting on a piece of writing. There's a disclaimer if you haven't seen one.
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