[headbucket]

This post is not meant in anyway to insult those among us who chose to expand our psychoactive chemical experiences beyond those of the wonderful tetrahydrocannabinol. I am one of those people myself, as I have experimented with numerous substances. Many of these I can look back on with no regret, knowing that the benefits of the reality they produced can never be outweighed by whatever harm they have done to my body. However, their is one drug in particular that I wish I had never encountered. Adderall has ruined me.

Seeing as finals approach those of us currently taking classes, I thought this would be an appropriate time to post such a topic. I started taking Adderall regularly about four months ago when I finally got curious enough about my girlfriend's overflowing prescription. Because of severe mental illness (diagnoses including Schizophrenia, Bipolar, and Morbid-Thought Disorder), my girlfriend has been prescribed an unbelievable variety and quantity of pharmaceuticals. Until recently, I had kept a fair distance from her meds. Mostly because I would have felt disrespectful in using her much needed medicine for recreational purposes. Regardless, I eventually asked if I could use some of her ADHD amphetamines... just to see what it was like. I LOVED IT.

Adderall made me the person I always wanted to be. Friendly, active, and studious. When I took it, I never just wanted to watch TV. I wanted to write something. I wanted to go for a run. I wanted to engage in an argument. For the first few weeks, it gave me an incredible euphoria, but as I took it more the effects became less noticeable. I began buying from other sources as well as stealing absurd amounts of Adderall from my girlfriend, something I will never understand. I justified this stealing by reassuring myself she had more than she needed (she hates to use it, and only does when she has to). I ended up taking 75-100 mg at a time nearly every day of the week. If one day it happened I did not have it, it was not going to be a good day. I would sleep and eat. That is it. I attempt to quit almost every week, with the longest break being three days long. Somehow, I can always convince myself that one more day is all I need.

After two or three months of consistent use, I was admitted twice to the ER for panic attacks. Something I had never had a problem with before. I also experience extreme paranoia often when outside of my home. I am in fear of being attacked by others. I have to look behind me when I pass someone on the sidewalk. I assume the guy behind the counter has his finger on the trigger of his pistol. My mind fabricates ridiculous stories with no basis in logic.

Adderall does next to nothing for me now. The motivation, energy, and sense of well being it used to provide are nearly undetectable. I find myself sinking into deep depressive states, with and without the amphetamines inside of me. I never thought a drug could have this kind of a hold on me.

I realize that my situation is somewhat unique with a constant supply, but I still felt it necessary to give the warning to others. Adderall is amazing, and it only took one pill to let me know that. I just wish I could have been smart about it. With finals approaching, I am sure to use my fair share this coming week. I know that a number of you will do the same. But do yourself a favor if you have to use it and leave it alone for a while after the exam.


(I appreciate the patience of anyone who got through all that)