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Female
+ 3 Point Shot
+ A night in with the girls
+ Airing the orchid
+ Applying lip gloss
+ Applying nail polish remover
+ Auditioning the finger puppets
+ Automatic pilot
+ Banging the box
+ Bashing the gash
+ Basting the tuna
+ Basting your turkey
+ Bathing the kitty
+ Beating around the bush
+ Beating the Beaver
+ Brushing the beaver
+ Brushing your afro
+ Buffing the bead
+ Buffing the Weasel
+ Burying the knuckle
+ Butterin' the muffin
+ Buttering your bagel
+ Carpet bumping
+ Cat got tongue
+ Checking for depth
+ Checking for squirrels
+ Checking for the jackpot
+ Checking my oil
+ Checking the foxhole
+ Checking the muffler
+ Checking the oil
+ Checking the pulse
+ Checking the status of the I/O port
+ Circling the knoll
+ Clam bake for one
+ Cleaning between the camel's toes
+ Cleaning my fur coat
+ Cleaning the kitchen
+ Cleaning your fingers
+ Clit-o-Rama
+ Clitters
+ Coaxing the genie out of the magic lamp
+ Coaxing the turtle out of her shell
+ Coming into your own
+ Copping a clam
+ Creamin'
+ Creamin' the pie
+ Cunt cuddling
+ Cunt rubbing
+ Defrosting the freezer
+ Dialing the rotary phone
+ Diggin' the stench trench
+ Digging a trench
+ Digging for gold
+ Digging for my keys
+ Digging in
+ Digging the cream
+ Digitizing
+ Dipping
+ Dipping for ice cream
+ Diving for pearls
+ Diving for pennies
+ Doing my nails
+ Doing something for my chapped lips
+ Doing the sweet slide
+ Doing the two-finger slot rumba
+ Doing the two-finger ballet
+ Doing the two-finger salute
+ Doing your nails
+ Doodling the noodle
+ Double knuckling
+ Double-clicking your mouse
+ Dousing the digits
+ Draining your tuna
+ Drilling for fish
+ Drilling for oil
+ Drinking from the fountain of youth (for us contortionists)
+ Drinking from the furry cup
+ Driving Ms. Daisy
+ Dunking your doughnut
+ Dusting the endtable
+ Engaging in safe sex
+ Entering the forest
+ Entering the ring of fire
+ Erasing the problem
+ Excavating the Tunnel of Love
+ Exploring the bush
+ Fanning the fur
+ Feeding the bearded clam
+ Feeding the cat
+ Feeding the pony
+ Feeding your slot
+ Feeling your funnel
+ Fiddling the bean
+ Filling the pink taco
+ Filling your niche
+ Finding yourself
+ Finger bang
+ Finger blasting
+ Finger dipping
+ Finger fucking
+ Finger pie
+ Finger-pole the hole
+ Fingerbating
+ Fingering
+ Fingering something out
+ Fingerpainting
+ Finishing the job
+ Fishing
+ Fishing for cumpliments
+ Fishing for mackerel
+ Flash flood
+ Flickin' the bean
+ Flicking the switch
+ Flicking the tic tac
+ Flipping the light switch repeatedly
+ Flitting your clit
+ Flossing the cat
+ Fluffing the kitty
+ Fluffing the muff
+ Frigging
+ Fucking without complications
+ Gagging my meat hole
+ Gagging the clam
+ Gagging the lips of love
+ Genital manipulation
+ Genital stimulation via phalangetic motion
+ Getting a date with slick mittens
+ Getting a lube job
+ Getting a stain out of my carpet
+ Getting a stinky pinky
+ Getting mud for my turtle
+ Getting the last pickle out of the jar
+ Getting the little man in the boat to go fishing
+ Getting to know Sticky Fingers the mobster
+ Getting to know yourself
+ Gilding the lily
+ Going around the corner
+ Going deep sea diving
+ Going fishing
+ Going mining
+ Going solo
+ Going to and from the Batcave
+ Greasing your hips
+ Gristle rub
+ Groping the grotto
+ Gusset typing
+ Hand tossing the tuna salad
+ Harpooning your tang
+ Having a date with Martin Five-Fingers
+ Having ladyfingers and cream
+ Having sex with someone you love
+ Hee-Haw with wrinkled Mee-Maw
+ Hitchhiking South
+ Hitchhiking to heaven
+ Hitchhiking under the Big Top
+ Hitting the slit
+ Hitting the spot
+ Honing the stone
+ Hula-hooping
+ Indoor fishing
+ Itching the ditch
+ Jabberwocking
+ Jennying off
+ Jiggling your jenny
+ Jilling off
+ JocelynEldering
+ Jostling the Elder
+ Juicing it up
+ Juicing Lucy
+ Killing off
+ Letting your fingers do the walking
+ Levy break limbo
+ Licking my lips (for us contortionists)
+ "Looking for Waldo & his dog (gee, spot, there you are!)"
+ Makin' waves for the man-in-the-boat
+ Making a mini Eiffel Tower
+ Making kitty purr
+ Making my lips swell
+ Making soup
+ Making the little man sing
+ Making your own gravy
+ Manual override
+ Menage a moi
+ Mistressbate
+ Muffin buffin'
+ Nail polish remover
+ Nulling the void
+ Nursing a hatchet wound
+ Opening the bottom drawer
+ Paddling the finger canoe
+ Paddling the pink canoe
+ Pampering the pussy
+ Parting my meat curtain
+ Parting the Red Sea
+ Patting the panky
+ Pearl fishing
+ Peeling the peach
+ Perusing the Yellow Pages
+ Petting Snoopy
+ Petting the kitty
+ Petting the little man in the canoe
+ Petting the petunia
+ Petting the pussy
+ Petting the pussy cat
+ Petting your bunny
+ Petting your kitty
+ Playing couch hockey for one
+ Playing on the cricket green
+ Playing poker
+ Playing solitaire
+ Playing the banjo
+ Playing the beaver
+ Playing the box
+ Playing the clitar
+ Playing the hairy guitar
+ Playing the little Dutch boy
+ Playing the silent trombone
+ Playing the slots
+ Playing with the man in the boat
+ Playing with your pineapple
+ Pluggin the leak
+ Plunging the drain
+ Plunging the happy hole
+ Pokin' the pucker
+ Poking the pudding
+ Polishing the nugget
+ Polishing the peanut
+ Polishing the wedding ring
+ Polishing your pearl
+ Preheating the oven
+ Priming the pump
+ Producing whore moans (hormones, get it? ;^)
+ Pushing the button
+ Pussy poking
+ Pussy soccer
+ Putting out the fire
+ Putting the dot in .org
+ Reading braille
+ Reading the map of Tasmania
+ Ride the glide until the tide
+ Riding the bed post
+ Riding the cotton pony
+ Riding the unicycle
+ Riding the waterslide
+ Riding your own mule down Grand Canyon
+ Ringing your bell
+ Rocking the boat
+ Rollin the ol' bean
+ Rolling the dough
+ Rolling the marble
+ Romancing thy own
+ Rubbin Hood
+ Rubbin' the nubbin
+ Rubbing the donut
+ Rubbing the red pussycat
+ Rubbing the stub
+ Salting the beef curtains
+ Scoring the hoop
+ Scraping the cheese off the taco
+ Scratching the patch
+ Scratching where it itches
+ Searching for Ms. "G"
+ Seasoning your fish
+ Secret vice
+ Sending Muffin Morse Code
+ Sexercising
+ Shaking hands with Mr. Paul
+ Shaking the dew off the lily
+ Shebopping
+ Shining the diamond
+ Shooting hoops
+ Shooting the rapids
+ Shucking the fresh water clam
+ Shucking the oyster
+ Slappin' the crack
+ Slapping slit
+ Slapping Susie
+ Slapping the flap
+ Slapping the mackerel
+ Slapping the meat curtain
+ Slapping the skunk guts
+ Slicing pie
+ Sliding down the chute
+ Sliding into home
+ Slob the knob
+ Snatching
+ Soaking in Palmolive
+ Soaking the whisker biscuit
+ Softening the peach
+ Spanking the spot
+ Spanking your puppy on the nose
+ Spearing the bearded clam
+ Spelunking
+ Spelunking in the hairy caves
+ Spelunking in the mystery cave
+ Splashing in the sea
+ Squeezing the peach
+ Steaming the oyster
+ Stiffening my upper lip
+ Stinky pinky
+ Stirring it up
+ Stirring the honey pot
+ Stirring the pudding
+ Stirring the sauce
+ Stirring the soup
+ Stoking the furnace
+ Stroking the box
+ Strumming
+ Strumming the banjo
+ Strumming the big open C
+ Surfing the channel
+ Surfing the Slippery Sea
+ Surfing the web
+ Sweeping the chimney
+ Swimming in the crimson lake
+ Swimming in the Pu-Tang River
+ Swimming in the Red Sea
+ Takin' it to tuna town
+ Taking a dip
+ Taking a dip in the lake
+ Taking advantage of yourself
+ Taking the German u-boat into port
+ Tapping the tuna
+ Teasing the kitty
+ Teasing the little man in the canoe
+ Teasing the tuna
+ Teasing the tuna taco
+ Tending your own garden
+ Testing the plumbing
+ Testing your waters
+ The disappearing finger trick
+ The girly gusher
+ The magical disappearing finger trick
+ The ole feel n' squeal
+ The other monthly visitor
+ The two-fingered tango
+ The virgin's release
+ Tickling the kitty
+ Tickling the pearl
+ Tickling the taco
+ Tickling your fancy
+ Tiptoe through the TwoLips
+ Toggling the bit
+ Tossing the pink salad
+ Touching your tigeress
+ Touching your tuna
+ Touring Tasmania (triangular shaped Australian island)
+ Tracing the vertical smile
+ Trolling the Bermuda Triangle
+ Twiddling your twat
+ Twinkling the little star
+ Twirlin' the pearl
+ Two-finger taco tango
+ Two-finger typing
+ Unclogging the drain
+ Visiting Niagra Falls
+ Visiting with Father Thumb and his four sons
+ Visiting your safety deposit box
+ Wading in the Bermuda Triangle
+ Walking Downtown
+ Washing my hands
+ Washing your fingers
+ Waxing the canoe
+ Waxing the milk duds
+ Weaving the carpet
+ Whipping your cream
+ Whipping your nest
+ White knuckling
+ Working in the garden
+ Working out at the Y
+ Wrinkling fingers
Male
* A big date with Rosy Palms
* A date with Mrs. Palmer and her 5 slut daughters
* Adjusting the antenna
* Adjusting your set
* Answering the Bone-A-Phone
* Applying the hand brake
* Arguing with Henry Longfellow
* Arm-wrestling the purple-headed stormtrooper
* Asking for a second opinion (your second head)
* Assault on a friendly weapon
* Attacking the one-eyed purple-headed warrior
* Attending to the throb knob needs
* Auditioning the hand puppet
* Backstroke roulette
* Badgering the witness
* Baiting your hook
* Ball slappin' fun
* Bangin' your bacon
* Banging one out
* Banging the Cyclops
* Bashing the Bishop
* Bashing the candle
* Bashing the pear
* Basting the ham
* Batting practice
* Battling the purple-headed yogurt slinger
* Beatin' Bobby
* Beating Bob and the twins
* Beating Jack
* Beating off
* Beating the bait
* Beating the balloon
* Beating the balogna
* Beating the beagle
* Beating the bed flute
* Beating the Bishop
* Beating the dummy
* Beating the fuck out of your best friend
* Beating the goat
* Beating the old man
* Beating the pud
* Beating the shit out of your incapacitated midget
* Beating the snake
* Beating the snot outta Rotney
* Beating the snotty end of my fuck stick
* Beating the stick
* Beating your meat
* Beef-stroke-it-off
* Being a virtuoso of the skin flute
* Being rough with the sex stick
* Being your own best friend
* Belaboring the obvious
* Biffing off
* Bleeding the weed
* Blowing your load
* Blowing your own horn
* Bludgeoning the beefsteak
* Blue-ball buster
* Blueball baseball
* Bobbing your boloney
* Bonging your shlong
* Booting up the hard drive
* Boppin' your bologna
* Bopping Richard
* Bopping the baloney
* Bopping the bishop
* Bopping the Bonzo
* Bouncing the bunny
* Boxing Oscar
* Boxing Oscar in the closet
* Boxing the bald champ
* Boxing the clown
* Boxing the Jesuit
* Boxing the Jesuit and getting cockroaches
* Boxing the one-eyed clown
* Boxing the trouser mouse
* Boxing with Richard
* Breaking the fish tank
* Buckin' it
* Buffin' the bishop
* Buffing my wand
* Buffing the banana
* Buffing the rifle
* Buffing the wood
* Buffing your nuts
* Buggering your hand
* Bunning your hot dog
* Burning off a few calories
* Burping the baby
* Burping the worm
* Busting a nut
* Buttering your corn
* Calling all cum
* Calling down for more Mayo
* Calling in the National Guard to assist you in a strategic crisis
* Caning the vandal
* Caping the crusader
* Capturing the bishop
* Carrying weight
* Casting off
* Changing your oil
* Charming the cobra
* Charming the one-eyed trouser snake
* Charming the snake
* Cheap date
* Cheating on your other hand
* Checking for testicular cancer
* Checking the plumbing
* Cheesing off
* Chilling the dill
* Choking Charlie 'till he throws up
* Choking Kojak
* Choking the bald guy until he pukes
* Choking the chicken
* Choking the hog
* Choking the pirate
* Choking the sheriff and waiting for the posse to come
* Choking your chicken
* Choking yourself into emission
* Chopping down
* Chucking one in the sink
* Chucking the yogurt
* Churning your butter
* Civil War
* Clamping the pipe
* Cleaning out your rope
* Cleaning the pipes
* Cleaning the walls after an accident involving the Milk Man and the Cyclops
* Cleaning your rifle
* Clearing the snorkel
* Climbin' the tree
* Climbing Mount Baldy
* Climbing Mt. Barbell (for guys with pierced dicks)
* Climbing the corporate ladder
* Clobbering the bad guy
* Clobbering the Kleenex
* Closet Frisbee
* Clubbing Eddy
* Clubbing the baby seal
* Clubbing the clam
* Clubbing the dummy
* Coating Prince William Sound with love oil
* Cocking the rifle
* Collecting a specimen
* Coming into your own
* Coming to grips with the situation
* Coming to grips with yourself
* Committing mass spermicide
* Cooking the cream of cock
* Cooking with Wong
* Corralling the tadpoles
* Couch hockey for one
* Cracking one off
* Cracking the fat
* Crank yanking
* Cranking
* Cranking for cum
* Cranking one off
* Cranking the love pump
* Cranking the monkey
* Cranking the shank
* Crimping the wire
* Crowning the king
* Cuddlin' the Kielbasa
* Cuffing the carrot
* Cuffing the dummy
* Cuffing the puppy
* Custer's Last Stand
* Dancing round the maypole
* Dancing the two-fisted tango
* Dancing with Johnnie One-Eye
* Dating Miss Michigan (think geography)
* Dating Mother Palm and her five daughters
* Dating Rosie Palm and her five sisters
* Debugging the hard drive
* Decongesting the weasel
* Devil's Handshake (Catholic School)
* Dick whacking
* Diddle whacking
* Diddling
* Digging for change
* Digitally oscillating one's penis
* Discharging the heat-seeking moisture missile
* Disciplining the primate
* Disseminating
* Do the Dew
* Dogger Bank
* Doin' a loner with your boner
* Doin' the solitary rhumba
* Doing a hand job
* Doing an impression of Goofy
* Doing battle with the Purple-Helmeted Warrior of Love
* Doing handiwork
* Doing it your way
* Doing the five-knuckle shuffle
* Doing the hand jive
* Doing the hand-cooter
* Doing the human version of AUTOEXEC.BAT
* Doing the janitor thing
* Doing the knuckle shuffle on the ol' piss pump
* Doing the plotkin
* Doing the pork sword jiggle
* Doing the sin of Onan
* Doing the White Knuckler
* Doing your own thing
* Doodling your noodle
* Downing at the club (for members only)
* Downing the pitcher
* Draining the dragon
* Draining the lizard
* Draining the main vein
* Draining the monster
* Draining the one-eyed monster
* Draining the poisons from the building
* Draining the vats
* Draining the vein
* Dripping white-hot coconuts from the veiny palm tree of lust
* Driving the skin bus
* Droppin' a wad of hot wax
* Dropping a line
* Dropping stomach pancakes
* Dropping the kids off at the pool
* Dry humping the ottoman
* Duking the Bishop
* Dundering the devil-dolphin
* Electing the president
* Emptying your sex pistol
* Engaging in safe sex
* Erupting Ol' Faithful
* Escorting the one-eyed postal worker out of his denim cell
* Evicting the testicular squatters
* Falling in love with your right hand
* Faxing Jimmy Dean
* Faxing the Pope
* Feeding the chooks
* Feeding the ducks
* Fetching milk
* Filling Charlie's magic sock
* Finding yourself
* Firing the flesh musket
* Firing the love rifle
* Firing the presidential staff
* Firing the Surgeon General
* Firming your worm
* Fishing for the two-toned trouser trout
* Fishing for zipper trout
* Fist fucking
* Fisting your mister
* Five against one
* Five knuckle Olympics
* Five on one
* Five-Digit Shuffle
* Five-finger discount
* Five-finger solo
* Five-knuckle chuckle
* Five-knuckle-shuffle on the old piss pump
* Fixing the toilet
* Flapping Takkie (South African)
* Flaying the Emperor
* Flick on over the thumb
* Flicking the bic
* Flipping the Bishop
* Floggin' the log
* Flogging the Bishop
* Flogging the dog
* Flogging the dolphin
* Flogging the dong
* Flogging the frog
* Flogging the General
* Flogging the hog
* Flogging the log
* Flogging the mule
* Flogging the salami
* Flogging your dong
* Flogging your dumber brother
* Flogging your log
* Flogging your stob
* Fluffing the pillow
* Flute solo
* Fly fishing
* Flying a kite
* Following my bliss
* Fondling the fig
* Fondling the fisherman
* Fondling the fountain
* Fooling with your tool
* Foreplay with Fistina
* Four-knuckle shuffle (for those who lost a finger in 'Nam)
* Freeing the hostages
* Freeing the Willies
* Freeing Willy
* Freeing your dick fish into the gene pool
* Frigging the love muscle (British)
* Friggit
* Frosting the pastries
* Fucking a pillow
* Fucking Mrs. Fist, the five-fingered widow
* Fun with friction
* Galloping the antelope
* Galloping the old lizard
* Ganging the plank
* Ganking
* Getting' your oil checked
* Gettin' jizzy with it
* Getting a date with Slick Mittens
* Getting a grip on things
* Getting a load off my mind
* Getting a milk mustache
* Getting a stiffy
* Getting busy
* Getting chafed
* Getting in touch with your manhood
* Getting in touch with yourself
* Getting off
* Getting tennis elbow
* Getting the dirty water off your chest
* Getting the German soldier marching
* Getting the glue stick
* Getting to know Miss Michigan
* Getting to know yourself
* Getting to know yourself personally in the "biblical sense"
* Getting your caps peeled
* Getting your exercise
* Getting your palm read by Mister Softee
* Getting your palm red
* Getting your pole varnished
* Givin' the one-eyed field mouse with the purple turtle-neck sweater a hot-butter nuggie
* Giving it a good once over
* Giving it a tug
* Giving Ms. Palm and and her five sisters a ride on the meat train
* Giving the John Hancock
* Giving the pink Mustang a lube job
* Giving the pink Mustang a spit shine
* Giving the seamen shore leave
* Giving your employee a raise
* Giving yourself a dishonorable discharge
* Giving yourself a hand
* Giving yourself a happy ending
* Giving yourself a helping hand
* Giving yourself a low five
* Glazing the donut
* Gluing the lady's eye's shut
* Going a couple of rounds with ol' Josh
* Going blind
* Going for the gold
* Going into battle with the purple-helmeted warrior
* Going on a date with Handrea and Palmela
* Going on a date with Rosey Palm and the five daughters
* Going on Peewee's little adventure
* Going steady with my bouncing Betty
* Going the blow
* Going to the basement
* Grappling the gorilla
* Greasin' up my love monkey
* Greasing the axle
* Greasing the flagpole
* Greasing the monkey
* Greasing the pipe
* Greasing your bone
* Gripping the pencil
* Hacking the hog
* Han Solo
* Hand job
* Hand Shandy
* Hand Solo
* Hand-starting the one-eyed yogurt thrower
* Hand work
* Hand-to-gland combat
* Handling heavy equipment
* Handling the hound
* Hands-on training
* Handy work
* Hanging out with Peter Tork
* Hanging the old man
* Hard labor
* Harping on Happy Harry Hard-on
* Hatchin' a batch
* Having a ball
* Having a Barclays Bank
* Having a bat
* Having a chuff
* Having a conversation with the one-eyed trouser snake
* Having a date with Fisty Palmer
* Having a date with Mrs. Thumb and her 4 daughters
* Having a date with Rosie Palm and her five sisters
* Having a ham shank
* Having a J. Arthur (British special, after J. Arthur Rank, it's rhyming slang)
* Having a one-night-stand with yourself
* Having a play date with your little friend
* Having a puppet show in your pants
* Having a Roy (Australian)
* Having a Sherman (British)
* Having a staff meeting
* Having a tommy tank
* Having a tug
* Having a tug-of-war with the cyclops
* Having an arm-wrestle with your one-eyed vessel
* Having dinner
* Having group sex with five friends
* Having it off
* Having one off the wrist
* Having sex with someone you love
* Heaving the heathen handhold
* Helping Mr. Happy
* Hitchhiking to heaven
* Hitchhiking under the Big Top
* Hitching to heaven
* Hitting the ham
* Hitting the sack
* Hitting the speedbump
* Hoisting the flag
* Holding all the cards
* Holding my own
* Holding the sausage hostage
* Honing the cone
* Honing your bone
* Honking the bobo
* Huffing on the hoagie
* Hugging the hog
* Hugging the sausage
* Humpin' air
* Humping your fist
* Humping your hose
* In the hand
* Irking the dude
* Ironing some wrinkles
* J. Arthur Rank (British rhyming slang - wank)
* Jack hammering
* Jackin'
* Jackin' the Beanstalk
* Jackin' your meat
* Jacking off
* Jacking up the hot rod
* Jag off
* Jammin' your jimmy
* Jazzing yourself
* Jelly roll
* Jenny Mccarthy Jaunt
* Jerkin' the gherkin
* Jerkin' the joystick
* Jerkin' your beef
* Jerking Jamby
* Jerking off
* Jerking the Johnson
* Jerking the turkey
* Jerking yanking daisy-chaining
* Jiggling the jewelry
* Jiggling your Johnson
* Jimmying your Joey
* Jizzlobbing
* Jogging the lizard
* Joining the Navy
* Joshing it
* Juice the Moose
* Juicing the jizz monster
* Jumping the jock
* Just combing my hair
* Just jerkin' it
* Keeping the Optometrists in business
* Kicking seamen
* Kicking your roommate out for five to ten minutes to "call your parents"
* Killing it
* Killing the Beast
* Killing the bird on punches
* Kneading my knockwurst
* Kneeding the bread
* Knockin' over the weeble
* Knocking one off
* Knocking the top off
* Knuckle nobbing
* Knuckle Shuffle on the ol' piss pump
* Knuckling the bone
* Launching the hand shuttle
* Launching the morning missile
* Launching the rocket
* Laying the smack down on yourself
* Leakin' the main drain
* Letting out the bulimic one-eyed monster
* Lighting the lava lamp
* Living it up
* Looking for ticks
* Loping the mule
* Love's labors lost
* Loving the lizard
* Loving the muppet
* Lubing the tube
* Make like Hans Solo and stroke your wookie
* Makin' moonshine
* Making a fist sandwich
* Making a foreskin cone
* Making a knuckle hot dog
* Making free hand lotion
* Making friends with Big Ed
* Making instant pudding
* Making nut butter
* Making soup for one
* Making special sauce with frank and beans
* Making the bald guy puke
* Making the Cyclops cry
* Making the cyclops do chin-ups 'til he throws up
* Making the llama spit
* Making the piggy squeal
* Making the scene with the magazine
* Making vanilla jism shakes
* Making with the tadpoles
* Making yogurt
* Making yourself at home
* Mangling the midget
* Manhandling the manhood
* Manhandling your man-handle
* Manipulating the mango
* Manning the cockpit
* Manual labor
* Manual override
* Masonic secret self handshake
* Massaging Mr. Ho-Ho
* Massaging the mink
* Massaging your muscle
* Massaging your purple-headed warrior
* Master bacon
* Measuring for condoms
* Medical wankorama
* Medieval folk dancing
* Meeting Mary Palm and her five sisters
* Meeting Rosie Hancock
* Meeting with Mother Thumb and her four daughters
* Meeting with Palmala Handerson
* Meeting your kids
* Milking one's self
* Milking the bull
* Milking the cow
* Milking the lizard
* Milking the monkey
* Milking the moose
* Milking the mule
* Milking the muscle
* Milking the weasel
* Milking your wood
* Milkywaying
* Million sperm march
* Minding my own business
* Moisturizing your hands with your beauty bar
* Molesting the mole
* Moulding hot plastic
* Mounting a corporal and four
* Much goo about nothing
* My sex life!
* Nerking your throbber
* Oiling the baseball bat
* Oiling the glove
* Oiling the mighty dick hinge
* Oiling the pogo stick
* Onan's Olympics
* Onanism
* One gun salute
* One hand clapping
* One handed shim sham
* One man show
* One off the wrist
* One stop shopping
* One-armed skiing
* One-handed workout
* One-man orgy
* One-man ring toss
* One-man show
* One-man tug-o-war
* Opening up a bottle of Squirt
* Organ solo
* Packing your palm
* Paddling the pickle
* Painting the ceiling
* Painting the pickle
* Painting the walls
* Painting your pants
* Palming the calm
* Pam Anderson Polka
* Pasting pages
* Pat the Robertson
* Pattin' the puppy
* Pedal and crank
* Pee Wee pleaser
* Peeing children
* Peeling some chilis
* Peeling the banana
* Peeling the carrot
* Performing a self-test
* Performing diagnostics on your ManTool
* Perling the oyster
* Petting the lizard
* Petting the puppy
* Petting the python
* Petting your animal
* Petting your dog
* Phoning the czar
* Pipping the pumpkin
* Playin' the bone-a-thon
* Playin' with hardballs
* Playin' with yourself
* Playing a little five-on-one
* Playing a one-stringed guitar
* Playing Billy Squier on the skin flute
* Playing five card draw with a handful of jacks
* Playing five card stud
* Playing in a one-man show
* Playing miniature golf
* Playing paintball with white paint
* Playing Peek-A-Boo with Mr. Johnson
* Playing peekaboo
* Playing peekaboo with Darth Vader
* Playing ping pong with your ding dong
* Playing pocket pinball
* Playing pocket polo with Agent Johnson
* Playing pocket pool
* Playing tag with the pink torpedo
* Playing the crotch trombone
* Playing the flesh flute
* Playing the male organ
* Playing the one-handed air guitar
* Playing the one-stringed melody
* Playing the organ
* Playing the piss pipe
* Playing the pisser
* Playing the skin flute
* Playing the solo symphony
* Playing the stand-up organ
* Playing tug-o-war with the cyclops
* Playing tug-o-war with the staked vampire 'til he flames up
* Playing Uno
* Playing with dick
* Playing with my little brother Peter
* Playing with Susi Palmer and her five friends
* Playing with the pogo stick
* Playing with the snake
* Playing with the spitting llama
* Playing with Yoosef
* Playing with your bird
* Playing with your noodle
* Playing with your turtle (for uncircumcised guys?)
* Playing with yourself
* Playing Yahtzee
* Playing your instrument
* Pleasing your pisser
* Pleasure pumping
* Plunking your twanger
* Poaching the salmon
* Pocket billiards
* Pocket pinball
* Pocket pool
* Poking palm
* Pole vaulting
* Polishing Percy in your palm
* Polishing the bayonet
* Polishing the beak
* Polishing the cane
* Polishing the chrome dome
* Polishing the family jewels
* Polishing the fire pole
* Polishing the helmet
* Polishing the hot rod
* Polishing the knob
* Polishing the Lighthouse
* Polishing the pink Mustang
* Polishing the Pope
* Polishing the purple people pleaser
* Polishing the rocket
* Polishing the rocking horse
* Polishing the rod
* Polishing the sword
* Polishing your bayonet
* Polishing your helmet
* Polishing your piece
* Popping a nut
* Popping the blister
* Popping the bone
* Popping the cork
* Popping the porpoise
* Popping the purple pimple
* Popping your top
* Pounding off
* Pounding the bald-headed moose
* Pounding the pud
* Pounding your flounder
* Pounding your piss pump
* Pounding your pud
* Pouring off the potatoes
* Practicing for the big game
* Praising God
* Preparing the carrot
* Priming the pump
* Pud wrestling
* Puddin'
* Pudwhacking
* Pullin' a few rounds
* Pulling off
* Pulling pud
* Pulling rank
* Pulling the blue-veined custard chucker
* Pulling the blue-veined junket pumper
* Pulling the bologna pony
* Pulling the carrot
* Pulling the Colonel Sanders Heimleich Manuever
* Pulling the cord
* Pulling the five-knuckle shuffle
* Pulling the goalie
* Pulling the handbrake
* Pulling the piss pump
* Pulling the pole
* Pulling the Pope
* Pulling the pork stick
* Pulling the root
* Pulling the rope
* Pulling the single serving soup dispenser
* Pulling the weed
* Pulling the wire
* Pulling your goalie
* Pulling your love muscle
* Pulling your own leg
* Pulling your plonker
* Pulling your power cord
* Pulling your prick
* Pulling your pud
* Pulling your taffy
* Pulling your wire
* Pummeling the priest
* Pumpin' the poodle
* Pumping cream
* Pumping for pleasure
* Pumping for power
* Pumping gas at the self-service island
* Pumping iron
* Pumping the electric goo gun
* Pumping the porpoise
* Pumping the python
* Pumping the soft soap dispenser
* Pumping the stump
* Punchin' the clown
* Punchin' the midget
* Punchin' the munchkin
* Punching the clown
* Punching the munchkin
* Punching the possum
* Punching the stepson
* Punching yourself in the crotch
* Punishing Percy
* Punishing Percy with the palm
* Punishing the Bishop
* Punishing the Pope
* Puttin' the tie on
* Qualifying in the testicular time trial
* Raising Stonehenge
* Raising the flag pole
* Raising the mainsail
* Raising your sail
* Ramming the ham
* Rapid delivery
* Rapid one arm pull-ups
* Reading poetry
* Releasing the Olympic Doves
* Relieving tension
* Reverse osmosis
* Riding the Great White Knuckler
* Riding the lightning
* Ringing the rag
* Rippin' the rocket
* Rocket piloting
* Rockin' the rooster
* Rolling the fleshy blunt
* Rolling your own
* Roman helmet rhumba
* Romancing the bone
* Romeo and Himself
* Rootin' for the Yankees
* Ropin' the long horn
* Roping the pony
* Roping the Pope
* Roughing the passer
* Roughing up the suspect
* Rounding up the tadpoles
* Rubbing off
* Rubbing one out
* Rubbing the Buddha for good luck
* Rubbing the magic one-eyed wonder weasel
* Rubbing the pink eraser
* Rubbing the rod
* Rubbing the unicorn's horn
* Running in single-user mode
* Running off a batch by hand
* Running the cheeta
* Sacrificing sperm to the god of lonely nights
* Safest sex
* Salting your nuts in the shell
* Sanding the obelisk
* Sanding wood
* Saying a private prayer in the Church of the First Holy Monkey
* Saying hello to Mr. Winkie
* Scalpin' the injun
* Schnauzer Shuffleboard
* Scouring the tower of power
* Scraping your carrot
* Scraping your horn
* Scratchin' the itch
* Scratching the cat pole
* Screwing your girlfriend Handgella
* Scromping the camper
* Seamen reporting for duty on the skin boat
* Seasonin' your meat
* Secret handshake
* Seeding the carpet
* Self abuse
* Self catering
* Self love
* Self-induced penile regurgitation
* Self-inflicted intercourse
* Sending a boy to the Academy
* Sending out the troops
* Sending yourself a hand-job-o-gram
* Sex with someone you really love
* Shagging
* Shakin' hands with Little Richard
* Shakin' the snot off your frog
* Shaking coconuts from the love tree
* Shaking hands with Abe Lincoln
* Shaking hands with beef
* Shaking hands with Jack McNasty
* Shaking hands with Johnson
* Shaking hands with Mr. Happy
* Shaking Hands with Mr. President
* Shaking hands with Shorty
* Shaking hands with the boss
* Shaking hands with the general
* Shaking hands with the goblin of love
* Shaking hands with the Governor
* Shaking hands with the midget
* Shaking hands with the one-eyed trouser trout
* Shaking hands with the President
* Shaking hands with the unemployed
* Shaking hands with your John Thomas
* Shaking hands with your wife's best friend
* Shaking hands with Yul Brenner
* Shaking the bottle
* Shaking the coconut milk of love from the leafless palm trunk
* Shaking the dice
* Shaking the hand of the self-employed
* Shaking the sauce
* Shaking the sausage
* Shaking the snake
* Shaking the sugar tree
* Shaking the white-out pen
* Shanking
* Sharpening your pencil
* Shavin' the carrot
* Shellacking the shellaleigh
* Shemping the hog
* Shifting gears
* Shifting to fifth gear with the pork spear
* Shining the helmet
* Shining the pork sword
* Shining the shaft
* Shining the shank
* Shining your pole
* Shootin' your splouge
* Shooting Cupid's arrow
* Shooting enemies
* Shooting flies
* Shooting for the moon
* Shooting for the stars
* Shooting putty at the moon
* Shooting Sherman
* Shooting skeet (pull...shoot)
* Shooting tadpoles at the moon
* Shooting the pump action porridge gun
* Shooting the sherbert
* Shooting to score
* Shooting your wad
* Shuckin' Bubba
* Shucking the corn
* Simple infanticide
* Singing with Donny Osmond
* Skipping rope
* Slaking the bacon
* Slammin' the salami
* Slamming the ham
* Slamming the hammer
* Slamming the salmon
* Slamming the spam
* Slamming the sump-pump
* Slap-Boxing the One-Eyed Champ
* Slappin' the purple-headed yogurt pistol
* Slappin' Pappy
* Slapping high fives with Yul Brynner
* Slapping it
* Slapping my happy sacks
* Slapping the big-nosed Rasta man
* Slapping the carrot
* Slapping the clown
* Slapping the Cyclops
* Slapping the donkey
* Slapping the FleshGopher
* Slapping the meat
* Slapping the pud
* Slapping the salami
* Slapping your chub
* Slaying the beast
* Slaying the dragon
* Sleeping
* Slicking the stick
* Slinging jelly
* Slinging the jelly
* Sloppy Joe's last stand
* Sloppy sign language
* Smackin' Isaiah
* Smacking Bob around
* Smacking the monkey
* Smacking the oompa loompa
* Smacking the salami
* Smacking the weasel
* Smacking the yak 'til it spits back
* Smacking your sister
* Smacking-off
* Smoking the bratworst
* Snappin' off a batch
* Snapping one off
* Snapping the carrot
* Snapping the monkey
* Snapping the radish
* Snapping the rubber
* Snapping the whip
* Snapping your carrot
* Solo flight
* Solo marathon
* Solo sex
* Solo spurting
* Soup of the day
* Spackling the ceiling
* Spanking Cheetah
* Spanking Elvis
* Spanking Frank
* Spanking the bishop
* Spanking the frank
* Spanking the monkey
* Spanking the plank
* Spanking the salami
* Spanking the wank
* Spanking up a batch
* Speaking into the microphone
* Spear chucking
* Spearing the Spartans
* Spending some quality time with yourself
* Spermin' Herman the one-eyed German
* Spewing your load
* Spilling my children on my belly
* Spit-polishing the purple helmet
* Spitting up
* Splashing one out
* Spluging
* Spreading the mayo
* Spunking
* Spunking the Monk
* Spurtin' Bert
* Squashing the sea monkey
* Squeezing the burrito
* Squeezing the Charmin
* Squeezing the cheese
* Squeezing the cream from the flesh Twinkie
* Squeezing the glue
* Squeezing the juice
* Squeezing the lemon
* Squeezing the snake with the turtleneck sweater
* Squeezing the tube of toothpaste
* Squeezing the weasel
* Squeezing your cheese-dog
* Squirting off your load in the school bathroom
* Squishing the fish
* Staff meeting
* Stall clapping
* Starting the day off right
* Stirring the batter
* Stirring the soup
* Stirring the yogurt
* Stoking the fire
* Strainin' the main vein
* Strangling Kojak
* Strangling the hog
* Strangling the one-eyed trouser snake
* Strangling the Serpent
* Stress relief for a personal appendage
* Stretching the limo
* Stretching the turtle neck
* Striking the pink match
* Striking your match
* Stripping the bark off your wood
* Stroke 'til you spew
* Strokin'
* Strokin' the mule
* Strokin' the sausage
* Stroking it
* Stroking off
* Stroking the balony pony
* Stroking the dog
* Stroking the lizard
* Stroking the mole
* Stroking the one-eyed burping gecko
* Stroking the salami
* Stroking the satin-headed serpent
* Stroking the snake
* Stroking the squirmin' German
* Stroking the stallion
* Stroking the wiener
* Stroking your goat
* Stroking your poker
* Stroking your pud
* Stroking your twinkie
* Stromming the Thurmond
* Strummin' my six inch
* Studying for a math test
* Sucker-punching the blind webster
* Swickin' it
* Swinging the jump rope
* Swinging the light saber
* Swinging the purple-veined kidney stabber
* Swinging the royal red reproduction rod
* Tagging off
* Takin' the bunt sign
* Taking a five minute vacation south of the border
* Taking a nap
* Taking a shake break
* Taking Captain Picard to Warp-Speed
* Taking care of business
* Taking control of yourself
* Taking Herman to the circus
* Taking little Elvis to Graceland
* Taking matters into your own hands
* Taking ol' one eye through the fly
* Taking ol' one eye to the Knuckle Shuffle
* Taking part in population control
* Taking some time off
* Taking the dog for a walk
* Taking the Jocelyn Elders Midterm
* Taking the monster for a one-armed ride
* Taking the sperm whale for a walk
* Taking your turn at the self-serve pump
* Talking quietly to yourself
* Talking turkey
* Taming the shrew
* Taming the wild hog
* Tamping your tater
* Tapping the turkey
* Target practice
* Target practice with the yogurt gun
* Target practicing with white ammo
* Taunting the one-eyed weasel
* Teaching a one-eyed Chinaman how to dance
* Teaching him a lesson
* Teaching your kids to swim
* Teasing the purple-headed custard chucker
* Teasing the python
* Teasing the Viking
* Teasing the weasel
* Teasing the weenie
* Teeing off
* Tenderizing the tube steak
* Tenderizing your meat
* Test-firing the meat missle
* Testicular tensile strength test
* Testing the hand cream dispenser
* Testing the testicles
* Testing your batteries
* That crazy hand jive
* The art of Unisex
* The Colonel Sanders Heimleich Maneuver
* The five digit disco
* The five-knuckle shuffle on the old piss pipe
* The five-finger hustle with Russel the one-eyed love muscle
* The serta solo
* The sticky page rhumba
* Thrapping
* Thrashing the weasel
* Threading a needle
* Throbbing the knob
* Throwin' down
* Throwing
* Throwing a shower
* Throwing off a batch
* Throwing one
* Throwing the hamster against the wall
* Throwing up mayo
* Thumping the pump
* Thumping your pud
* Thwackin' the sack
* Tickle the Elmo
* Ticklewigglejigglepickle
* Tickling my fancy
* Tickling the dragon's tail
* Tickling the ivory
* Tickling the one-eyed weasel
* Tickling the pickle
* Tickling the Polish salmon
* Toilet sailing
* Tonking
* Torkin' the fork
* Torqueing the turtle
* Torturing the tentacle
* Tossing off
* Tossing the boss
* Tossing the salad
* Tossing the sauce
* Tossing the snag
* Tossing the spam javelin
* Tossing the turkey
* Tossing the white ball
* Tossing yogurt
* Touching the penis
* Treating yourself right
* Trolling for the one-eyed walleye
* Trolling for trouser trout
* Trouser snake CPR
* Trouser trout dancing lesson
* Tube sock tango
* Tug of war with Cyclops
* Tuggin' the timber
* Tugging Mount Love
* Tugging old beater
* Tugging the rope
* Tugging the slug
* Tugging the tapioca tube
* Tugging the tossle
* Tugging the turkey
* Tugging your tubesteak
* Tuning my horn
* Tuning the antenna
* Tuning your organ
* Turning Japanese (UK - one step beyond wanking)
* Turning on your fire hose
* Tussle with your muscle
* Tussling the Muscle
* Twanging the wire
* Tweaking your twinkie
* Twisting your crank
* Twisting your tool
* Typing with one hand
* Uncorking the bottle
* Underarm javelin in the meat olympics
* Unloading
* Unloading the gun
* Unmasking Darth Vader
* Unsheathing the pork sword
* Unwrapping the pepperoni
* Using the Force on Darth Vader
* Using the force on your meat saber
* Using the ol' 1 wood
* Varnishing the cane
* Varnishing the flagpole
* Vibrating the viper and making him spit poison
* Violating the hedge-hog
* Visiting Old Faithful
* Visiting Rosy Palm and her five daughters
* Visiting the five-fingered widow
* Wacking a lap
* Wacking off
* Wacking the one-eyed worm
* Wacking the paddle
* Wacking the weasel
* Wacking the weiner
* Wacking the willie
* Wagging the dog
* Wailing
* Wakey wakey hands off snakey
* Waking the dead
* Waking Wee Willie Winkle
* Walking the dog
* Walking the plank
* Walking the snake
* Walking Wally the one-eyed wonder worm
* Waltzing with Willy
* Wank
* Wank-o-rama
* Wanking
* Wanking off
* Wanking with the one-eyed wonder weasel
* Warming up the altar boy's dinner
* Washing the elephant's trunk
* Washing the meat
* Washing the wolverine
* Wasting your wad
* Watching the geyser
* Waving the Magic Wand
* Waxing pedro
* Waxing the beanpole
* Waxing the car
* Waxing the carrot
* Waxing the dolphin
* Waxing the flipper
* Waxing the old goal post
* Waxing the rocket
* Waxing your Jackson
* Waxing your surfboard
* Waxing your weasel
* Waxing your Willy
* Whackin' the weasel
* Whacking it
* Whacking off
* Whacking the axe
* Whacking Willy
* Whacking your tack
* Whippin' the whopper
* Whipping off
* Whipping skippy
* Whipping the balls
* Whipping the bishop
* Whipping the dummy
* Whipping the one-eyed trouser snake
* Whipping the one-eyed wonder weasel
* Whipping the pony
* Whipping the rat
* Whipping the stiff
* Whipping the walrus
* Whipping the window washer
* Whipping the wire
* Whipping up a batch
* Whipping up some sour cream
* Whipping Willy the one-eyed wonder-worm
* Whipping your dripper
* White-water wristing
* Whitewashing
* Whittling the stick
* Whizzin' jism
* Whomping the walrus
* Wiggling your worm
* Winding my watch
* Winding the Jack in the Box
* Windsurfing on Mount Baldy
* Wonking your conker
* Wonking your donk
* Workin' out a stiff joint
* Working a cramp out of your muscle
* Working off
* Working off a batch
* Working overtime at the meat factory
* Working up a batch
* Working your Willy
* Wrestling the alligator
* Wrestling the eel
* Wrestling the gator
* Wrestling the one-eyed monster
* Wrestling the purple-headed warrior
* Wrestling with Jimmy
* Wrestling with the bald champ
* Wrestling with the one-eyed superhero
* Wringing out your rope
* Wringing the weasel
* Wringing your thing
* Wringing your weasel
* Wrist aerobics
* Yahtzee
* Yank my Doodle (It's a Dandy)
* Yankin' it
* Yankin' your chain
* Yankin' your Franklin
* Yanking off
* Yanking the crank
* Yanking the doodle
* Yanking the yoyo
* Yanking your chain
* Yanking your crank
* Yanking your plank
* Yanking your Yoda
* Yogurt slinging /li>
* Zipper Olympics
* Zygote spraying
I think that's probably enough.
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