[Retroshark]

so mia came over again as i had found out more bad news this morning that is not really important to go into at this point. she came over purely to comfort me, and got the call that has pretty much ended my perceptiion of reality.

her parents are driving down this thursday, taking her car, making her pack up her bags, and come back to chicago with them. not only had she been saving for a trip during break, and working so hard and progressing through what had been a bad addiction, her parents are still taking her home to asses if she should go back to shcool.

she went from using coke daily multiple times to going weeks without it. her parents dont know this, and now my best friend, the only one thats stuck by me may not be coming back after next week, i dont know if ill see her again, i dont know if shes going to be coming back next year, i mean we were literally talking about signing a lease in the next two weeks and now this.

after she left because she had to go and tell the people she was supposed to go on the trip with that she was now not able to, she has to pack her shit, and after just an hour at my place, she left with her BF, and i just broke down for an hour waiting for a response from her message that she was ok.

i have never been so upset for someone else in my entire life, and loosing her to something like her parents misjudgment would kill me.

i cant even bare thinking about it, but i know i have 2 days left to spend some time with her, if shes even able to, and then i may never see her until next year, or if by some miracle, after break.

im in a state of utter dissolusion right now. im supposed to see a show tomorrow night and im going no matter what, i need to have something good happen to get me away from being alone in my room with over 10 different drugs around. right now, ive taken xanax after i had a pannic attack trying to calm down, and ive smoked some weed.

i have to face my mom on saturday, the woman who is ruining my entire life by moving from atlanta, MY home. i dont have a place other than there, and im not living with someone who lies about things like my house being sold two weeks before she tells me. i mean, fuck, i just cant even go on.

im really hoping something turns around soon. my friend was able to throw me 7 bars for 25 bucks and a little .2 nug of purps, and i have about 12 bars in 1mg pills left for the week and the two days im with my mom before she leaves for california once i get to ATL.

im just going to smoke another bowl and watch a movie or tv. i dont have any friends other than mia and alan her bf who i could sit and talk to about this stuff so its pretty much just me alone tonight.

im keeping strong, but this last thing just broke me.