[ganjaphish]

Your faith restores mine, tazz~
I have grown up in the episcopalian church, and have gone through a large period of time in which i questioned the "reality" of christ, god, etc. Most of these years I was questioning faith included those in which I witnessed my life mentor, my favorite uncle and my grandfather die within a 12 month period - each death a huge blow to my heart and spirit.
My Grandfather, he was old and had heart problems, and my Uncle, well he was tormented in life itself, so I can understand why perhaps they are doing better in the afterlife than they had on this earth... But my mentor was in his late 30s and a magnificent teacher not only of english literature, but of life and the inner searchings of one's self.. He was the epitome of life and love to me, and many of his students, and expressed the value of life to us each and every day aside from our english lessons... And I couldn't understand how God could take this man away from this earth, he had so much to teach the world he changed my life and had the energy to change lives for another 40-odd years of many other souls..
When I was 15, he changed my way of thinking, opened my mind to the possibility that I did have something to contribute to this world, my life was worth something, I did have talent, and for Christ's sake I CAN make a difference in this world... He gave me reasons to live when I was all out, and stockpiled me up with decades worth of love for life with his simplicity, wisdom and heart. And also taught me the beauties of the english language, of literature and the incredible ability of past and present writers to not only convert emotion to words, but to transmit these emotions through words to other people.. To this day I read avidly, and it will always stick. Nothing will substitute a good book to me.

Dying of leukemia, he was very susceptable to illness as his immune system was shot, but he came to school and taught with a mask on until he was no longer physically capable to stand or sit that long. He loved his kids, he loved to teach, he did it so well that he has inspired so many others in just the way he handled life, and how he handled death as well. He was not afraid to die, and knew the inevitable awaited, so he embraced it and enjoyed his life to the very last drop.

I was angry at God for a very long time, especially when my teacher was buddhist but his Catholic mother had a VERY Catholic funeral for him when it was against his requests. I saw him in a viewing, and he had no hair, no eyebrows, a small empty corpse. It was not him, not even a shadow of him. His spirit had moved on, and I was looking at its empty container. I was angry, and couldn't understand how his mother could stand to show this frail empty body to the world, why?!?! I still to this day don't understand that.

But now, I realize he has moved on to more important things. I feel God's presence in my life on a daily basis, and even feel that somebody up there is watching over me and has intervened in tiny fractions to protect me from danger, etc. Almost every bad thing that has happened to me I have managed to turn into something good, and that is because I make the best out of my situations. I learned that from my mentor, and he lives on in my memory, he lives on in the way I live my life. He taught me to enjoy life as it was, it is a gift, given to me, and I should appreciate and l should share my wisdom, love, and life with all others in order to make this a better world..

I don't go to church, but when I do I am moved at the faith of those who go weekly. The church I do attend has some realistic views about Christ. They don't read the bible to a T and beleive it to be truth, but to be a collection of stories written by people from those times from which we can learn to better live our lives. They do believe Christ to be the Son of God, but also that Christ lives within us, we are all the children of God and we all have the capability to change the world as Christ has, and by living like Christ they can become less judgemental and more willing to help those who are less fortunate than them. I have seen my parents change their entire lives because they snapped out of being "church zombies" and started to actually believe.

I can't say for sure if I believe in God or not, I do believe there is a higher power that created this.. This intricate world, galaxy, existence could NOT have occurred simply by chance or scientific means. We were given emotions and spirits for a reason, it didn't just happen based on evolution. I agree that many religions were created to basically explain the unexplainable, but they all hold one theme - something larger than us is out there that created us, and we should be entirely grateful. We should also make the most of the moments we have upon this earth, because we don't necessarily know what's going to happen afterwords. Some people are very adamant to know what happens in the afterlife, and good for them. They may be surprised, they may not. Me, I'm scared shitless. I'm to attached to those I love in this life to let go.. But I have no choice, when they go, they go and I can only hope that they're up there, looking down on us.. Smiling, whispering hints here and there to us, or just watching. I can hear it. I pray, and feel that my prayers are answered, maybe not in the way I truly want them to, but lessons in hardships are learned, and with the guidance of that "higher being" (or maybe the guidance of my faith in that higher being, they are pretty much the same thing), my life seems to get a little better.

More power to athiests, who criticize religion as being stories and weak. Questioning life and faith is so absolutely important, and I did that from when I was 12,13 until, well, even now I question it. If we don't question where we came from, what's happening next, why things are the way they are, and just accept everything as it is, perhaps we'll get too comfortable in life, and lose grasp of what is important. Some people need that daily affirmation that God exists, and heaven, or reincarnation awaits us as our human body gasps its last breath to get through their life. For some, living in Christ and God, or whichever higher being they worship, is the only way they can get through their lives. I still am not sure as to what will happen "after death," and because of that I am going to live my life to the best of my ability until my last dying day, God or no God.
But I still think that higher being is up there. Forget the bible, forget Adam and Eve, forget the stories that are so unfathomable. If it weren't for faith, religion, where do you think we would be right now? I, for one, don't really want to find out.