I have to choose my friends wisely. in real life as well as the internet, i am too trusting with my feeling because i love my brothers. it is dangerous for me to keep on coming here. i used to view it as a family, and you guys still are, and you were a big part of my life and a big part of me finding god. but now that i have, no one takes me seriously anymore and it's just not the same. it's funny that i'm pissing everyone off, loving them at the same time, and i'm happy. i am an emotional person. i am crying right now (no joke) cause it's meaned so much to me, and now that my thoughts are different, i tried to make it mean a lot, but it means absolutely nothing. i will be praying for you all..... i am so sad right now, but so happy at the same time because i am moving on from my old selfish habbits. you have to understand that last night it was 4 in the morning, my close friends weren't answering the phone, and i got selfish and thought i needed someone to poor all this shit on. i didn't realize that people wern't accepting this. it makes me really sad. it breaks my heart that God is making me lose change so much, but so happy at the same time. but i used to think i had to please all of you. i really don't have to please 1 person except for God. I'm not saying I'm right, but Jesus pissed off a lot of people.... seriously i never cry, but i have to do this.
i turn 18 in august. peace, and you guys still think i'm playing, and i don't care. maybe that's a sign i should stop cussing so people start taking me seriously. cause people think i'm using His name in vain (and i am, cause i'm still a rookie
) but it is really powerful. when i started making thread after thread after thread you guys have to realize that i completely took off every sensor that i used to have in my brain. and i'm cool with that. He loves all of you, He touched me in a big way, and this happened all of a sudden after years and years of being an atheist. a brief explanation why is that people saw that i didn't have god and were praying for me. i'm gonna try to cram as much as i can into this thread since it's the last thing people will be able to read by me. I was really disappointing God when I called women bitches and sluts. It was my way of trying to use slang so that people would take me seriously. it was fake, and that's not cool. another thought. people used to ignore me in school, and love me on this site, it's become the other way around. so spread the word, just because i messed up does not mean God did. I will make a bad name for myself but I will NOT make a bad name for God. I've already let people who who I feel is safe to contact me contact me, and that's that. if i come back in august, i will be a grown person, and i will do a better job in spreading his word. i can't stress enough, last night was a HUMAN MISTAKE. I don't need yall's forgiveness, though it would be nice. If God forgives me, that's what's important to me. So I'm gonna say a little prayer. and please don't be worried about me, please don't. understand that i'm not this real in real life, only to a few select friends, so you don't have to worry about me dangering myself in real life
I am slowly starting to realize who it is safe to talk to God about. and it was dangerous for me to be real even on the internet because my blasphemy can turn away my brothers. my tears are dried, and I still feel really low right now, like I disappointed God so much. But if he forgives me, it's all good. one more thing, it is SO much easier to please people in real life than on the internet because in real life they have a grasp of who you are, and in real life they gonna see your actions and no you're not fake. it's impossible for me to convince you guys i'm not fake, because i simply can't prove it. and now that i think about it, even though i'm ashamed of myself, i have no regrets
gc i will always remember the website as something that helped me be closer to God. but i can't use this site to become any closer. keep smoking weed, you can scoff at this, but God doesn't. He didn't put it on this earth for people to abuse, but at the same time, he didn't put it on this earth for no one to smoke.
stay cool, stay loved, stay stoned. no more of me making multiple posts in my own thread. i was trying to be like eyes but i came off as a jackass. peace.