[runner's high]

According to scripture, God is eternal. Unlike ourselves, He lies beyond time; He created it, after all.

And, according to the Bible, we are created in God's image. Since we are human this means God must also be human. In some sense.

And, based on the Bible's repeated use of the pronoun "He", He must be a he, a male. In some sense.

And since being a male means, in the most basic sense, one has a penis, God must have a penis. (We can infer his penis is rather large based on the size of the universe He created. And the fact "He" is capitalized.)

But, because He is the only god--there is no Goddess--we can infer His penis is rather lonely.

And given a lonely penis, Eternity, and an omniscient view of 3 billion females who share His image (!!!), we can finally conclude:














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God masturbates!














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...Or that Christianity, Judaism and the Bible were made up by dudes. Thoughts?