infiniteawesome is a god among posters. I love his (her?) posts... you could learn everything you ever wanted to know about smoking techniques and then more from his beautifully written posts. His (Her?) posts are literally works of art worth of being framed and mounted on my wall.
I was actually having a rousing conversation with a friend of mine (Both baked on about 0.1grams of home grown weed burnt in my homemade bong :P) about how ridiculous the old ad campaigns were that bashed smoking weed by saying it was twice as deadly as cigarettes. Ohhh! *shakes* scary!! Every time a someone tokes a reefer it’s like smoking 2 cigarettes *hides behind a bush* oh wait..... geezze, how is dad still alive, he smokes 20 cigs a day?
Anyway, back on topic… we just discovered that we can get high with my bong using about 1/5
th – 1/10th the amount of joint rolled weed.... and seeing as I have limited amounts of weed at university, we switched to the smooth smokin’ “green bastard” (Ya, I named my bong alright...... don't ask why its painted black... I just like trailer park boys is all)
Ok, Back on topic again. Being a 3
rd year mechanical engineering student (don’t label me a beer chugin’ frat boy :P . Lets drop the hate and all love each other) and high, I was having a great time ripping this ad campaign: “So, I share a 0.1g bong hit with a friend, a cigarette weights about 1 gram…. I tap the bong about 3 times a week, a smoker smokes about 20 times a day “….ect… and it works out to smoking being about 1400 times a “dangerous” as weed …. So we all had a good laugh.
The reason I came here was because I needed the factor a bong decreased the tar by so I could finish my lovely equation. (turns out it’s about 0.5)
So stoned was I that this post became an epic story full of copious amounts of hysterical laughter, and epic villainy. As mentioned above, infinityawesome is a god, I bow before his almighty posts. They reminded me of little thesis papers, so scholarly, yet so delightfully unbiased. (Even when the sinister
Ars moriendi attacked him, he didn’t lose his cool) Anyway, I imagined him as a charming little professor full of knowledge about weed…
And then there were the internet-fucktards like “
nametaken” who had this “I’m-an- engennering-student-and-I-know-the-science-of-bongs-and-ur-gay” attitude. Don’t believe any of the rubbish there crackpots claim is “science”
And last, but certainly not least they was the villain of this tale “
Ars moriendi” (*lightning strikes in the distance to announce her arrival*)
She enteres our tale full of hate, and anger, yet so full of crap it baffles the mind.
01-03-2006, 11:15 PM - “... it is indeed fact and you are wasting herb on those filthy smelly [bongs]”
But at the same time she defends her arguments with such impunity you can’t look away… no logic can sway her, no common sense can slow her down! She will scrutinize over the most ridiculous theories ever conceived, and ignore the screams of thousands of bong ripped hippies!
01-04-2006“You can think whatever you want the
thermal transfer surface tension and overall size of a bong make for waste”
As a 3
rd year mechanical engineer (I’m not bragging… I hate the engineer-know-it-all type..) I have taken various courses in Heat Transfer, Thermodynamics and the like…. And that string of words is gibberish. Perhaps she ment “Convective heat transfer coefficient” which would relate heat loss to surface area, perhaps she just made something up…. No one will ever know.
Her next feat is to attack random blogers, (who tell her bongs DO INFACT WORK despite her wild and far out techno-babble), with the ferocity of a raptor ripping apart a small child. Its gruesome, yet awe inspiring. Persistently, petulantly, she still she spouts gibberish and defends her lala land theories.
01-04-2006, 01:35 AM “Oh yes gee whoda thunk the quality of melted sand has everything to do with the level of thc... The glass makes little difference [to] the surface area”
January 6
th 2006, she does the unthinkable. She attacks the great and might Professor infinityawesome (who has a side splitting signature by the way)
-“He's talking out his ass...”
*Gasp!!!* How could she commit such an atrocity…. Especially when her argument was flawed. (Just because someone goes to the hospital from to much weed doesn’t mean they are even close to the lethal dose, swettie… why don’t you go back to grade 6 and stop reading daddy’s engineering textbooks, and let the big kids get high.) Her attack comes out of nowhere, but infinityawesome is threatening her grasp on the post…. she must remain dominant at any cost possible!
Either way,
infiniteawesome, being the gentleman and the scholar that he is, kindly apologises to her, and corrects his pervious post without even validating her insult.
She is in a tough spot now. If she attacks him back, she has lost all credibility, and thus lost the game…. This shuts her up for a few days.
A while latter she pretends to be smart by again dazzling local stoners with big, made up words.
01-15-2006, 07:52 PM “Thermal transfer...kinda a building block of any design….” Ect.
Note: Thermal Transfer is like saying “Dude, you have a very ‘smell-ness bong’.” Instead of saying “Dude, you have a very stinky bong” This alone proves that she doesn’t know what she is talking about. What she is trying to talk about is
Heat transfer. Why she is trying to talk about it is still a mystery.
I can just see
Ars moriendi now: a little spoiled brat… perhaps 14 years old. You know, the really annoying age. Her daddy is rich, and gives her everything. She has an old butler with white gloves that drives her around everywhere…. to the library, to the university, wherever she wants to dig up more information on why bongs don’t work. No one knows why she is doing this… but no one has every told her she has been wrong in her life… and by god she won’t let these stoners tell her she is.
This is just amusing speculation of course, but we know 2 things for sure: (1) She has never tapped a bong in her life, and (2) She is a bit*h with a capital “B”
With iron grip on the thread destroyed by infinityawesome (Who is most certainly infinitely awesome), her empire of lies and coercion in flames, she pretends to befriend some one the stoners by tossing in a very subtle “I’m-smarter-than-you” insult.
03-26-2006, 05:58 AM “ [this is how you correctly spell] placebo. I donno why but I've always remembered this by thinking: “place bo”.
There is an even longer silent spell from our sad little villain after no one response to her
“kindness”. Sorry little girl, but even stoners have a longer short term memory than that…. You would know this if you tapped the bong now and then. For days she fumes away in her mansion. No amount of money of Britney Spears merchandise can make her happy… she prepares for her last stand, she pulls out all the stops! WHO NEEDS REAL SCIENCE LET’S JUST MAKE IT ALL UP!!!! WAGGGGGGH! She bellows out her battle cry and returns to the forum once more!
August 5
th 2006 [Mistakes corrected for your reading ease]
– “[H]ow the hell do stoners try ignoring thermal [should be read “Heat”] transfer ...I'll never know[!?] … [the] bong water flash freezes tons of thc right back into a solid state… face it the more surface you work with the colder it is and the more water you filter with… seems all the pro-bong folks are mistaking lack of oxygen for being high… thc’s flash point is in the 390's your water is around 110 maybe 120 degrees...its [going to] solidify more thc than you can inhale”
Oh dear, where to begin with this one? In lieu of repeating previous reasons for her mental shortcomings we’ll keep it simple. The THC in weed is in the oily resin on the leaves and bud. (we all know this) Oils are liquids (duh!), liquids aren’t frozen (solids are frozen, like ice and steel) so YOU CANT FLASH FREEZE OIL DOWN TO ROOM TEMP. You could flash
liquefy it perhaps… but that just sounds silly now, doesn’t it? None of this really matters though, since is no point in trying to fix that which is, on a fundamental level, broken.
The last blow is struck on August 6
th when joke-master
designatedtoker lays the smack down with his rolling-on-the-floor-laughing comic styling:
-“well gee wiz, how about this, bongs seem to fuck me up quicker and more than a bowl or something rolled or vaped, if it dosent do the same to you,
shove it, we all have opinions…..”
She attempts to retort:
“right we're talking about reality not your lil fantasy world …. [you’re wrong and its ] no skin off my teeth”
And
designatedtoker parries her attack perfectly…
“lol this
is reality, there
is no skin on your teeth….” (that still makes me laugh) “…all youve been doing in this thread is being a dick to whoever is above you, like me for instance? grow up man its the internet.” … “i mean cuz im sure your not the only person who gets a perfect hit. or are you? all bow down to the mighty vaping maniac ars blah blah i cant start to care how to pronounce it, g'night city”
Good night indeed good sir, good night indeed.
…
…
My high had worn off by now. And I never did see episode 4 of Samurai Jack as I had planed, but I was happy, the journey though this forum was a great one. This grandeur and splendor of this fantastic tale was comparable to that of Tolkien (except funnier)
It was time for me to rest my weary eyes and get some sleep…
…
Epilogue
Karma was on the side of the bong that day. Maybe it was the synergy of the mellow, loving thoughts of thousands of happy bonger smoking up world wide, maybe it was the skill of gifted posters such as
designatedtoker and
infiniteawesome, maybe it was divine intervention… one may never know, but what is know for sure is that the great and terrible beast that was
Ars moriendi was slain that day, her tyrannical empire was no more, and her vitriolic comments ceased to propagate. The next time she opened her mouth it would be her last:
08-06-2006, 11:44 AM “this coming from a person who just told me to shove it... ah god damn man the irony is too much”
Her insult was reflected by the invisible force called logic. She had struck herself down in a fit of nonsensical ranting. The only irony here, little girl, is that you destroyed yourself trying to destroy another.
Many brave stoners fought this battle, many insults were thrown, many false facts were quoted….
But in the end the bong prevailed.
…
…
…
…
Man, I LOVE being high…. It makes the world such a great place.
I love you all, keep rocking it in the stoned world.
As for
Ars moriendi:, feel the love, and try to understand that hate begets hate. It’s OK to be wrong. Perhaps a vaporizer does work better. That fantastic for you (In a loving voice, not a sarcastic voice), but we cant all afford one…. And ya,
Kaleidoscope, the sound a bongs makes makes me wanna giggle too.
Peace out!